Woman of the Week

Aryn Quinn, Founder of Beauty Cares

Bringing beauty and nurturing to survivors of domestic violence

-April Daniels Hussar

The Beauty Cares mission: To assist survivors of domestic violence with their new lives through hands-on nurturing and compassion. The founder: Gorgeous, vibrant, former model and holistic health practitioner Aryn Quinn. What a treat it was to learn all about the motivation behind this extraordinary foundation - a true inspiration. Read on...

1. Where did you get the inspiration to launch Beauty Cares?

I used to be a model so I've been around makeup for a long time; I know how wonderful and confident women feel when they have a beauty treatment or a massage. And I know that people love, above all, to feel they have been helpful to others. The professionals in the beauty industry really enjoy having an outlet for their creativity and their desire to volunteer. And as the cosmetics industry is in the business of beauty, I wanted to provide companies with a way to give back, and through beauty make a real difference in women's lives. The executives have been incredibly moved by and supportive of our program.

2. Why is something like this important for women fleeing domestic violence?

These women have been shattered. When you are recovering from the trauma of violence, leaving your home in fear for your life, you're not thinking, how do I look? You're thinking how am I going to live? What's going to happen to my children? Then you're living in a safe house, and it's time to start looking for a new home and go back to work. That's a tall order for a woman whose self-esteem has been shaken, whose life doesn't feel normal anymore.

For anyone recovering from trauma, one of the first major steps is feeling "normal" again. Personal grooming is integral to a human being's sense of worth, of belonging in the world. read more...

Woman of the Week

Christine Koh

Get inspired by this self taught artist and entrepreneur!

-April Daniels Hussar

Working for BettyConfidential.com has many perks, but one of the greatest is getting to meet - whether in person or "virtually" - so many truly incredible and inspiring women. And Christine Koh, the bright and lovely founder of BostonMamas.com and Posh Peacock, is exactly the kind of superwoman disguised as an everywoman that we can all relate to and be inspired by. This mother of one has managed to turn her insecurities into her assets, and to forge her own path to a life of creativity and beauty. Read on to find inspiration from a truly awesome Betty...

I'm really interested in what drove you to leave your previously chosen path (you have a Ph.D. with expertise in music as it relates to pedagogy, cognition, and the brain), feeling that you'd rather "perish than publish." What was the impetus for making this major life change after 10+ years in academia? And how did you decide to launch not only Bostonmamas.com but Posh Peacock as well?

In short, the jump came down to finally following my instincts. For so long my path seemed linear and clear - I was enormously inspired by my college professors, who helped me discover that I could bridge my interests in psychology and music (I was a competitive violinist and taught privately and in group settings). But after undergrad, I wrestled with the idea of change at various junctures of my career. I was bothered by many things: the bad pay, the piles of dry journal articles to read, the resistance I felt to writing journal articles that I knew a panel of peer reviewers were looking to tear apart. But I kept going because I really believed in my research ideas. Then when I got to my postdoctoral fellowship everything took a turn for the worse: the content was technical and boring compared to the research I completed during my Ph.D., the work environment was socially isolating, and my relationship with my advisor and his family came to a surreal, manic head towards the end of my fellowship. I also became a mom during my postdoc, which of course changed the way I viewed everything. All signs were pointing me to the exit.

I started developing BostonMamas.com toward the end of my postdoc. As a new parent, my research skills translated naturally to my parenting. Whatever the topic - nutrition, products, development - I researched it exhaustively. Friends often asked me for advice on various topics and I realized that I should just synthesize all of my thoughts in one place. And Boston was lacking a stylish independent parenting portal with a wide variety of topic coverage. So I went about creating it, with particular attention to making the site fresh and stylish; appealing to modern parents like myself.

Launching Posh Peacock was the formalization of creative energy that had fueled many personal projects, as well as those for friends and family; it seemed natural to make myself official in my new identity as a producer of creative things. In retrospect, the development of two brand new sites in such a short time span (about three months) seems vaguely insane, but at the time, it made perfect sense.

And circling back to the instinct piece... I think I've always been a gut type person, but it wasn't until I became a mom where I really trusted that instinct and ran with it. So I decided not to hit the override switch when it was time to take the next logical step in my academic career. Many people were amazed that I took such a brave and fast leap after investing so many years in academia. But the jump was easy - I was drowning emotionally and creatively in my postdoc - and it clearly was the right instinctual move. And once I did it, all of my friends were like, "Well it's about time!"

What fears did you have and how did you conquer them? read more...

Woman of the Week

Cathy Alter

What magazines taught her about love, sex and starting over

-Julie Ryan Evans

In her recently released book, Up for Renewal, Cathy Alter decided to improve her life one magazine self-help article at a time. It's an incredibly raw, insightful look at a year in which she transformed her life from an all-time low--complete with cubicle sex, vending machine meals and the aftermath of a divorce--to a happy, new life by following the guidance in women's magazines. And she doesn't hold back when including her friends and family in the analysis along the way. She has reviewed rave reviews and been featured everywhere from the Today Show to Allure and the New York Post. The Bettys are fans as well and highly recommend this addictive read.

We recently caught up with Alter to talk about her inspiration for the book and what happens when honest, revealing writing is suddenly made public.

1. How did you get the idea for the book?

It was such a eureka moment. I wanted to do another book. I did (my first book) Virgin Territory, and I loved writing in that longer format. My agent was aware of this spiraling out of control I was doing after I got divorced. I'd tell him funny stories and regale him with my late nights and how I was always on antibiotics and always sick. About the same time, a good friend of mine called me and said our friendship was at an all time low and I needed to figure something out.

So I wrote down this list of what I wanted--you know what my life should look like. It was a simple list: to be loved, to be successful, to look younger than my years, to stop eating my lunch out the vending machine. I realized that if you just put an exclamation point at the end of everything on my list, it looked like a women's magazine. I was telling my agent about this, and he was like, Oh my God, this is it. I said I'm going to let women's magazines fix me. I thought I can do this-- it's $144 to subscribe to all these magazines, and I don't have to move to Italy, India and Indonesia. That's what those magazines are there for. They are screaming out how to do everything--how to host the perfect dinner party, how to take 10 years off your face by tweezing your eyebrows, how to cook a meal for seven in one pot. I thought I'm going to do it and see what happens.

2. Did the experiment turn out as you expected it to?

So when I did the book proposal I couldn't write a sample chapter because I hadn't done it yet, and I didn't know what was going to happen. My book proposal was like this is what I think might happen. Even though I predicted some stuff, it's nothing like what I thought the book would be. I would have never predicted that I would go camping, really never thought I'd ever go to Hong Kong for a family reunion. I never thought I'd get married again; I thought I would just have a string of affairs and die. My first marriage had just failed, and I wasn't psyched to do it again. It was a real surprise from what I had proposed at the beginning of the year to what I turned in. I actually thought my editor was going to be mad and make me give back my advance. But everyone loved it; I was lucky. read more...

Woman of the Week

Erica Maslow

Helping people feel more confident about how they look

-Nicole Christie

They're not just for celebs anymore - personal stylists, that is. Not with Erica Maslow on the prowl, offering up her fashion experience and expertise to the masses of NYC and L.A. From her all-American Midwestern beginnings at the Express store in St. Louis, to working her way through Bergdorf's styling and shopoing for the ladies - and gentlemen - of Manhattan, this simultaneously elegant and down-to-earth fashionista extraordinaire is proof that a young girl's big city vogue dreams can come true. And on her own terms at that. She recently spent two afternoons (yes, just six hours) overhauling my closet and shopping with me - and let me tell you, I no longer cry in dressing rooms. Incentive enough for you?

1. When did you first take an interest in fashion?

About as far back as I can remember. I feel really lucky that I found what I'm most passionate about at an early age. This may be a bad admission, but I remember going to church with my mom when I was very young and after the service I would tell her which women were wearing the best dresses and jewelry.

2. Explain your career trajectory - from the Express store in St. Louis to personal stylist and shopper in New York and Los Angeles.

My first retail/fashion job was indeed at Express in St. Louis. I was 16 and sold more than any other salesperson - and I was only working part-time! During college, I worked at Banana Republic and ended up going through The Gap Management Training Program to become an associate manager. But it still wasn't enough and New York was calling me, so I ended up finishing my degree at the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT), majoring in Fashion Merchandising Management. All kinds of doors started to open as I landed internships with the 7th on 6th New York fashion shows, Kooba handbags, and Federated Department Stores in both New York and Hong Kong. Through FIT, I also had the opportunity of touring the famed fashion houses and couturiers of Italy and Paris.

After graduating, I cut my teeth at Federated doing product development on a private label clothing line. Over the course of six years I worked my way up the ranks, holding positions in both product development and merchandising. With experience on product lines in children's wear, women's sportswear, and juniors I got a broad sense of these vastly different markets. All of this experience plus my eye for fashion inspired me to go out on my own. I left Federated and took a week in Paris. Upon my return, I launched this new endeavor and began styling clients in New York and Los Angeles. read more...

Woman of the Week

The Hilarious Carrie Seim

"Thanking her way to the upper middle"

-Nicole Christie

Who would believe a crop of tomato seeds would someday sprout a respectable comedy career? Probably no one - until they met Carrie Seim. The native Nebraskan self-described "science nerd" turned Chicago grad student turned L.A. comedy fixture (on the stage and the page) is a rising starlet packing the three B's: beauty, brains, and balls. How does someone with smarts and wit aplenty survive in vapid LA-LA-Land? Apparently by being extraordinarily polite and grateful. I got news for you, Hollywood divas - this one's proof that good girls CAN and DO get ahead.

1. You have a multi-faceted career as a writer, actress, even political satirist. Plus you have a Master's from the renowned Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University. Can you talk about your professional journey?

I've been writing since I was very young - plays for my classmates, a neighborhood newspaper, a letter begging President Ronald Reagan to let me move into the White House. I was also a big science nerd - I grew tomato seeds from space in my backyard and meticulously measured their growth. Until I got bored and began falsifying results. I rue the day NASA discovers those Romas did not, in fact, make it to nine feet, 10 pounds.

In college, I studied engineering, but was miserable about the idea of doing physics and wearing unflattering pantsuits the rest of my life. As solace, I auditioned for a sketch comedy group. It was the first time in my life I felt so viscerally alive. After each show, I would think, "This moment is it. How do I keep having this moment the rest of my life? (Except with better bangs?!)" After college, I moved to L.A. for a job with the Sundance Film Institute's international writing program. I started taking improv classes at the Groundlings Theatre and performing with comedy groups around L.A. But I knew I needed to devote more energy to my own writing and performing, so I moved to Chicago, where I did graduate work in journalism at Northwestern and studied with The Second City conservatory. Since then, I've been lucky to have jobs that allow me to explore a wide variety of my interests. Each stop on the way has led me to an even more fascinating place to explore. I've written about Capitol Hill politics, immigration policy reform, saltwater crocodiles and Paris Hilton's panties for Newsday, the Chicago Reporter, National Geographic Television, Channel One News and the E! Network (not necessarily in that order.) I've also appeared in TV shows, commercials, some inappropriate but wildly popular Internet spots and my own sketch comedy show, "Midwestern Wisdom" at the Comedy Central Stage.

2. What's it like moving from the wholesome Midwest to the crazy world of L.A.?

I lucked out growing up in Nebraska in such a loving, grounded family. It's helped me stay off the crazy wagon and given me amazing material that's paradoxically exotic to urban audiences. I'm also exceedingly polite, which, like a good foundation garment, opens doors. I write thank you notes compulsively. Instead of sleeping my way to the top, I've thanked my way to the upper middle.

3. You have so many interesting projects on your plate. Can you talk about the various things you're working on?

I have an improviser's instinct to say "yes and" to everything. This means I have about seven projects going at once. It keeps life interesting and slightly atilt, which is a good state for any sort of creative work. I write a humorous dating column for "The Tyra Banks Show," I teach improv at The Groundlings and I'm working on several comedy-writing projects, as well as performing in a weekly improv show. I've contributed political satire to JibJab.com and recorded voices for a new celebrity-parody show for Sony's online portal, Crackle.com. And I'm also a contributor to Ms. BettyConfidential herself! read more...

Woman of the Week

Dr. Yvonne Sanders-Butler: Building stronger student bodies one meal at a time

Georgia elementary school principal launches the nation's first sugar free school and drives important health policy

-Julie Piotrowski

Elementary school principal Dr. Yvonne Sanders-Butler had a mission: to nurture a stronger, healthier student body. She was frustrated with her students' disciplinary issues, tardiness, poor attention span, and numerous trips to the school nurse. She was convinced that their learning and health challenges - not to mention the alarming number of students who were overweight or obese - were related to the pizza, sodas, and sweets served at the Browns Mill Elementary School cafeteria.

So Dr. Sanders-Butler banned unhealthy refined and added sugars, high fat processed foods and drinks from the cafeteria. Then she convened students and staff to redesign the menus and create the nation's first sugar-free school in Lithonia, Georgia. Her "Achieving Academic Excellence through Nutrition and Exercise" program - which is now known as the Healthy Kids, Smart Kids "Sugar Free Zone" - produced rapid results. Students' attendance, test scores, grades, and energy levels significantly improved and they had fewer weight problems.

Now her public health program is making headlines and meeting success with families and schools nationwide. She's written two books about her models for change, Healthy Kids, Smart Kids: The Principal-Created, Parent-Tested, Kid-Approved Nutrition Plan for Sound Bodies and Strong Minds and Dessert Lovers' Choice: Naturally Sweet, Naturally Delicious. And this month, the Healthy Kids, Smart Kids: AKA Sugar Free Zone program will impact over 20,000 students in the Westlake/Creekside Cluster schools of Fulton County, Georgia.

1. When you came to Browns Mill as the new principal, what made you decide a policy change was needed?

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. When the kids went to P.E. class, 40% would cry or complain that the exercises were too difficult. I had permission slips on file with legitimate reasons kids should be excused from P.E. classes! I told parents that if we didn't change what we fed our kids and increase their physical activity, this would be the first generation of children who dies before their parents. It's a major public health problem when we have 5-year-old or 7-year old children with early onset diabetes. One day I just called the cafeteria director, and said, "Can we take all these foods with added sugar off the menu?" Three years later my school story aired on "World News Tonight with Peter Jennings," and the state department received so many calls that it shut down the phone lines.

2. Your own health played a major role in your decision to develop this program. You had a very serious stroke in 1996.

Who would have thought Yvonne Butler, wearing a million hats - wife, mom, school principal - would one ordinary day almost lose her life? It wasn't that the signs weren't there - but like most Americans, I couldn't see them. I was overweight, yet I loved baking and eating sweets. My doctor told me, "Yvonne, if you don't get this right, the next time this happens there may not be a next time." I had to radically change my eating habits and my level of physical activity. I literally fought for my life. read more...

Woman of the Week

A Navy Officer and a Gentle Woman: Dr. Heidi Kraft

This mom of twin 5-year-olds serves as guardian angel to wounded soldiers

-Mary Beth Sammons

Talk about pressure under fire on the mom front! San Diego clinical psychologist Heidi Kraft was deployed to a remote airbase in Iraq when her twins - Megan and Brian - were 15 months old...with only 11 days' notice. A week after she arrived in Iraq, this Navy doctor, former flight surgeon, and now psychologist experienced her unit being attacked. Several people were injured and several more died.

While in Irag, Heidi held the hand of a dying Marine, Cpl. Jason Dunham, who was later awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for throwing himself on a grenade to save his friends and comrades. He was brought into the hospital assumed dead, but the mom in Heidi sensed otherwise, and she stood by his side until he squeezed her hand. Today, she is a close friend of Jason's mom.

Earlier in her Navy career, while on flight status, Heidi flew in nearly every aircraft in the Navy's and the Marine Corps' inventory, including logging more than 100 hours in the F/A-18 Hornet, primarily with Marine Corps squadrons. This Lt. Commander in the Navy chronicles her experiences in Rule Number Two: Lessons I Learned in a Combat Hospital (Little Brown & Company, 2007). Heidi will donate 10 percent of her royalties to the Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund.

Today, back home in San Diego, after leaving active duty in 2005, she serves as the deputy coordinator for the U.S. Navy Combat Stress Control Program. I caught up with her recently over breakfast when she was in Chicago on a speaking tour. Meeting Heidi in person is like meeting your friend who just got back from a cruise with her kids and is sharing memories. She's real. She's authentic, and she's a mom who had to leave her own kids but was at the side (and still is) of hundreds of young men who needed her compassion and caring. read more...

Woman of the Week

Amanda Dolan

One to watch -- and she's anything but Crazy!

-April Daniels Hussar

Bright. Vibrant. Chaotic. Smart. Eclectic. Passionate.

Amanda Dolan has been called all of the above and more by critics and viewers alike. This dynamic young artist, hailing from the tony ‘burbs of Connecticut, has been making more than a splash on the NYC art scene. Her debut exhibit at the Ward Nassau Gallery on Prince Street was a great success, and resulted in a series of custom requests from collectors. More recently, Dolan's show Call Me Crazy at the same gallery featured a series of collage portraits of 15 legendary women who've been labeled "crazy" by History and Society... from Joan Crawford to Courtney Love; Betty Paige to Sylvia Plath. Dolan's work takes the viewer past our surface notions of these iconic women, and begs the question... what does "crazy" really mean? We caught up with this intriguing artist to pick her brain about life, art and what it means to be a "feminist" (or not) in the 21st century.

1. A piece of advice you give often is: "Don't take it all too seriously." How have you been able to live that advice and create a successful art career in a highly competitive city like NYC? Are you able to support yourself solely with your art?

Some people think artists have to be these dark, serious creatures all the time, and that's not me. I love to celebrate visuals, make the world pretty, inspire. Sure, sometimes my subject matter can be a bit melancholy, but I find not being so serious really helps break one's chains and free them. You'll get so much more if you let your inner demons go. The more relaxed you are, the more your art will shine through.

Art has always been in my bones. It was always a constant in my life, and making and creating came natural to me. I have never been too concerned about the difficulties of "breaking in." I simply believe that if I'm true and the work is good, it will speak for itself.

I am very fortunate to have amazing, loving and supportive parents. I am certainly on my way to supporting myself solely on art, but as we all know, that takes time and patience. So it's very nice and assuring to know that my parents are there when a little extra help is needed.

2. What was the inspiration behind your Call Me Crazy exhibit?

What I really wanted to do is shatter the "Crazy" label. I am so sick and tired of that word being thrown around at any girl that is emotional, raw, intense or quirky. That's why I included a self-portrait in the series; I am not a stranger to this name-calling! I really feel like we should celebrate the fact that women can be strange and chaotic - that's what makes them beautiful and courageous. When looking at my entire series I want the viewer to try to see the women portrayed as something other then just their "craziness." Each one of us is multi-layered and through this series I try to peel back every petal of personality.

3. Do you consider yourself "crazy"?

I consider myself "Eccentric." I follow my own heart; I don't really worry about how my decisions will be perceived. Life is too short to worry - I want to enjoy it, so I always trust my gut - even if my ideas are weird, or different then the norm. What's normal, anyways? I think, unfortunately, the word "crazy'" comes with bad connotations. So I prefer "kooky" "fun" or "creative." I think those words describe me much better! 

4. Would you say that you're a "feminist?" What do you think that word means today?

I have never thought of myself as a feminist. I'm not a man-hater either. Those words are just labels to me. I just consider myself a strong, empowered woman who wants to be treated with respect. Perhaps that's what being a feminist means? I don't know. I think the meaning of the word depends on each person's perspective. Like the word "crazy" - I don't concern myself with labels; they don't define me.

5. Who are some of your influences outside the art world?

Courtney Love. She has been my idol since I was 11 years old. She is such a powerful force. She taught me how to stand up and challenge the status quo, to never, ever, be afraid of challenges, and to empower myself and get what I want. I think she gets a bad rap because she isn't perfect. She's fallen, made mistakes, taken wrong turns and people hate her and judge her for that. I, on the other hand, adore her for that. Her imperfections make her human and palpable. She is real and relatable.

I am also more inspired by the obscure. I find much more inspiration in day-to-day things. Stuff like Rock ‘n' Roll, true love, going to see a local band play, how the sidewalk glitters in the sun; those types of things. From hot pink fingernails to a new pair of stilettos my influences vary day to day.

6. What's next?

Hopefully to have more shows - that way I can always inspire my viewers and make them feel something. I want to keep exploring the artistic abyss inside myself. I want to keep challenging myself in new ways. I know that if I keep pulling out emotions and transferring them onto canvas, more of the world will unfold in front of me!

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A fashion designer and a veterinarian.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

All sorts. I was friends with the Homecoming King, but I also skipped gym class with the one guy at our school that had a mohawk.

3. What woman from the past do you most identify with?

My maternal Grandmother - she was a true Glamazon and born romantic, just like me!

4. What's your workout?

Let me just say, I HATE the gym. Walking the dog every day for an hour is good cardio; and I like to do aerobics in the privacy of my own living room! "Sweatin to The Oldies" DVDs are my favorite. Seriously, Richard Simmons rocks.

5. Cat or dog?

Dog - A French Bulldog named Pearl to be exact!

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Get in my PJ's and watch Sex and the City reruns.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf, waiting to be read?

Quakeland by Francesca Lia Block.

 8. If you could have dinner with any two people, whom would you choose?

Marie Antoinette - ‘cause her party would be glamorous and fabulous. And Courtney Love - ‘cause it would be a rockin' good time.

9. What is the one thing you want or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

I wouldn't want any more girls to be called "Crazy" just because they follow the beat of their own drummer!

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

I'm pretty content at the moment...perfection is overrated.

Find out more about this up and coming artist at amandadolan.com

Woman of the Week

Stephanie Klein

Straight-up honest

-Stephanie Elliot, aka Manic Mommy

With her recently released book Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp, Stephanie Klein has been touring the country making appearances and getting rave reviews from fans and critics alike. But long before any book deals, Klein was a blogger sharing her innermost thoughts with cyberspace. I've followed her blog, Greek Tragedy for years. So it was my great honor to meet her in person when she recently came to Chicago. I took my kids, and she was so incredibly gracious and funny and real - and besides answering my questions, she even signed their bodies in PERMANENT marker .

You are so shockingly honest in your writing. Is there anything you hold back on - that you're just not comfortable being that honest about?

I don't know if "comfortable" is the right word. I try not to write about Hollywood stuff, being recognized on the street, book deals, all that, mostly because it makes me come off as an asshole. I also don't write about it because people want to read things about which they can relate. If you're asking if anything is taboo? Not really, but eventually, as my children grow up, I don't think I'll write about them as much as it can often be a love letter to your children when you post things about them online; at a certain point, it's not my story to tell, even if it is my story.

Your readers range from infatuated fans to flaming critics. Do the negative comments affect you? And what's the worst comment anyone has ever made?

It's hard to find a winner for the worst comment. There are a few ties: "I hope you get cancer and don't find it until it's too late" ranks up there with "you cheap jew, are u kidding? u rave about this great blowout u got but ur looking for a replacement for $30? wtf? is ur husband a cheap hedgie? jew thru and thru....no trace of being a half-jew...ur a trip." The most offensive bit of the latter comment is the author didn't have the decency to spell "you."

How much fallout in your personal life is there from what you share on you blog and in your books? For example, does Phil [Klein's husband] or your mother ever read your blog and say, "I can't believe you would say that...."

Surprisingly, I never hear that. Phil knew what he was getting into when he met me, via my blog, and he has amazingly thick skin. Sometimes I feel a little tension over something I've written, but that usually dissipates.

Are you surprised by all of the media attention Moose is garnering, and why do you think fat camp is such a fascinating topic for people?

Childhood obesity is slathered across the news, so Moose is topical. I also think it's always fascinating to hear about the inner workings of a place from an insider. And coming-of-age stories true to that voice and time are so appealing, especially with the ability to read some adult insights on that tumultuous time.

If (your children) Abigail or Lucas develops a weight problem, would you consider sending her or him to fat camp?

It would depend on a lot of things: If they wanted to go, how old they are, which camp it was, and if they had room for me to be a counselor there! Woo hoo.

Do you have plans for any other books in the works?

Yes. In writing Moose, I realized how much I love returning to those Judy Blume moments in our lives, so my next book will be a young adult book about privileged girls forced against their will to join the Girl Scouts.

Rapid-Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A writer, or Orphan Annie.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

"Have-to-haves." The really smart kids.

3. What woman from the past do you most identify with?

Georgia O'Keeffe.

4. What's your workout?

Since running my mouth doesn't count, I'm hoping the way I chase my kids about does.

5. Cat or dog?

Puppies!

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Take a shower.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf, waiting to be read?

A stack of old Sweet Valley High books.

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, whom would you choose?

Oprah and Jon Stewart.

9. What is the one thing you want or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

I don't want them to believe their self-worth has anything to do with how much boys like them.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

That I'd have time to be a full-time mom and a full-time writer, with time to cook elaborate meals, to decorate a beautifully appointed home and lots of time for back-to-back movie fests.

Woman of the Week

Joan Lunden

Joan's summer camp for women...guilt-free, me time!

-April Daniels Hussar

Seven kids, nearly twenty years on Good Morning America, numerous best-selling books, dozens of awards and honors, countless speaking engagements.... and Joan Lunden is just getting started! The latest endeavor for this modern day superwoman? A summer camp just for women. Called Camp Reveille, it's the latest element in Joan's mission to inspire and educate women about their own health, wellness, and the importance of finding balance in this hectic modern world. After seeing Joan speak at the recent It's My Turn Now event, I had the chance to catch up with her about Camp Reveille, her kids, and her life - including some truly fabulous advice and insight (some passed on from her own mentor, Barbara Walters).

You have three daughters in their 20's and two sets of young twins (five-year-olds Kate and Max and three-year-olds Kim and Jack). How is the experience of raising your youngest different from your experience as a first time mom?

Most people would imagine that it's a lot harder and more exhausting. I find it's exactly the opposite. I find it much less daunting... you've done it, you've been there, you understand it, everything kind of rolls off your back. I have a lot more patience now. I always tell a story... when Kim and Jack were born we had a party at our house, and I invited a lot of my friends - a lot of them are high powered, Type A, New York City women. They came in the front door and saw 20-month old Kate and Max running around, and they kind of put their hands up to their heads and said, oh I'm tired just looking at them! Aren't you going to be exhausted?! My caterers for the party all came in the back door, they were all French, and they all looked at the same little babies, the same children running around, and they said to me, you will never grow old! Just stop and think about how two different sets of eyes looked at the same thing, and one set saw it as exhausting and one saw it as exhilarating!

You've had such an incredible life and career... what is something you learned that you'd like to share with our Betty readers?

Always look at the positive in something that might seem like a negative. When I first started at GMA I was co-host with David Hartman. He was a big star, and I was "the female." This was the ‘70s - to say I was second banana was the understatement of the year. I was making a tenth of what he made. There was an understanding that I would not get the big stars, the big politicians, the world leaders. I was "relegated" (and I say that in quotes) to all those "woman" stories - like education, health, parenting, managing your home, managing your children. And you know what? When you left your TV in the morning... those were the things that people really cared about... A lot of women wrote to me back then saying, how dare they "relegate" you to just the woman's stories?! Well quite honestly I think that that, in and of itself, was one of the biggest components of my success. I think that doing those interviews endeared me to the public and I think that I was reporting things to them that they really cared about.

It's helped me to understand that you have to get past what seems like a negative. It's important for women.

How did you manage to balance the demands of your Good Morning America career and being a mom?

I established my priorities - I went to my boss and said I'm here one hundred and FIFTY percent, I will be on the road with you and I will always be in, on time. But there are a few things that I will tell you up front that are incredibly important to me and are nonnegotiable. I won't miss... really important things in my child's life. And that's going to be healthy for both you and me.

Bosses are incredibly thankful when you're forthright with them. They're used to men... men say what they want, they say what they need, and they say what they'll give ya. You have to figure out a way to be honest with your boss... and you have to honest with your husband, or your mate, and say, "we're both working, we need a plan." It'll never be equitable, the kids will always run to us when they fall down and skin their knees, but there has to be some equitable distribution. And if women don't do that, they'll just continue to be overwhelmed and everyone else in their home will just think that they're an irritable grump.

What's some of the best advice you've ever gotten?

Barbara Walters came in when I first started and she gave me a piece of advice that I've never forgotten. She said, if you fight for equality and buck the system and fight to get the big interviews right now, you're going to end up where your predecessor did - right out the door. But if you take all the small stories and you make then SHINE - you make them little gems, you will sustain, you will rise to the top. And once you do - don't wait for them to give you the big stories, go out and get them yourself. I have followed her advice, and it has proven incredibly successful. She also gave me the advice to send thank you notes. And not just thank you notes - If she sees that someone just opened on Broadway or has a new movie out, she sends them a letter saying congratulations. It's not just waiting to react to things, it's always looking at that big picture and saying, what is my end goal? What are the things I can do to reach that end goal? And what are some of the smaller things I might take on that someone else might say, why is she doing that? But I know why I'm doing it! Because it all helps me reach my end goal.

What do you see as one of the most important issues facing women today?

It's hard for women today - we have more choice but it also means we have more responsibility. In the 80's we were out there campaigning for more roles, more choice, more freedom. And in the 90's we got them! But we got them added to all of our old roles. Now the challenge is to figure out how do we do it all without feeling overwhelmed or guilty or inadequate. That is the dilemma of the modern woman.

Women have to consider themselves, their own health, and their own mental state important. They nurture everyone except themselves. If we don't take care of ourselves we are not going to be healthy, happy and competent as parents, as employees, as mates, as friends. If you're healthy, you're better in all of those roles. But women don't tend to nurture themselves. The weight creeps on, they start worrying about their health, women start getting undressed in the closet because they don't want to get undressed in front of their husbands, pretty soon they don't have sex with their husbands, and it just spirals down.

And it starts early.

Yes, it does. For many women it starts in the 20's, 30's. When I was 38 turning 39 I said, you can't go down that road... I went through one of those AHA moments. I said I've really got to commit to my own health if I want to be the kind of active, healthy person I want to be - I want to be a role model for my daughters. 20, 30 years from now I want to still be running in the race! I don't want to be sitting on the sidelines watching. So I made a huge commitment to my personal health... and literally changed my life. I wrote a book about it called Healthy Cooking. 

I learned so much - it was almost like I jumped in the pool and started saying to everyone, come on in the water's fine! I knew I had an opportunity to make a difference in other women's lives, to inspire others. 15 years ago or so I decided to act on that opportunity by writing books and speaking all around the country. A central message is creating balance: now that we have it all, how do we do it all? And the importance of committing to your health and happiness - helping [women] understand that their destiny is in their hands. All the studies show that your physical well-being is maybe 30% hereditary. The rest is in your hands. So if you want to be active, out playing tennis, or at least bending over and tying your own shoes when you're 70... you have to be doing something TODAY. How you're going to feel 20, 30 years from now is absolutely your call.

Camp Reveille sounds fabulous - what was the impetus behind starting it?

With all the running around, and doing all this speaking and writing about women's wellness... every summer I'd be up at this magnificent summer camp [run by my husband] - Camp Takajo in Naples Maine. All the campers go home in the beginning of August, and I said, you know something, women need a time out! I want to start a program where I can give women an opportunity to take a time out, guilt-free. I didn't want to make it any kind of boot camp. No expectations. I didn't want it to be too scheduled. Women live and die by their schedules. I wanted to make it all about choice. LOTS of choice.

My ultimate goal is to have women reconnect with their sense of play and reconnect to their commitment to themselves and their health. I felt if I could bring women together, everyone would share - because women are sharers - they would learn from each other, they would get support from each other. A big problem with women today is a sense of isolation. By coming together and sharing stories, it's my hope that that sense of isolation might be broken down. And, that in this very encouraging, safe environment, they will try new things, maybe challenge themselves a little. And I found that to be the case - out of 110 women, 71 women climbed the 50-foot climbing wall! I would never have predicted that!

How was the inaugural session last summer?

It was an amazing, fun time. At the end of the camp instead of doing some dumb survey, I handed out camp stationery, and had them write a letter home... it was the best thing I could have ever done. These letters were amazing. I learned so much from them. We had women ranging from 25 to 75. Many of the young women said they really learned a lot from listening to the older women. And many of the older women said to me that they were re-energized from being around the exuberance of the younger ones!

What's new this year?

We're adding more arts and crafts (jewelry-making was standing room only). Also - I have a skincare line with Dr. Howard Murad called Resurgence, which is being rolled out nationally this month. Together we are going to offer a Murad health spa at Camp this summer. That's going to be an amazing addition.

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A doctor. My dad was a doctor. Right after I graduated from high school I worked in the hospital that he founded and I discovered I wasn't cut out for blood and stitches. But I still feel like I affect people's health in a positive way.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

That's a hard one... not shy kids. We were the ones out doing things all the time. Doers, achievers.

3. What women do you most identify with?

Barbara Walters has always been one of my role models. I identify with Oprah because we're both women committed to helping other women. At one time I was thinking of going into politics, and I've always greatly admired a number of different Congresswomen whom I've worked with - Pat Schroeder and Geraldine Ferraro - women who are making a difference in people's lives.

4. What's your workout?

I work out with a personal trainer - 8am three days a week. During the summer everything changes. I make my base in Maine, and my trainer comes 5 days a week. I incorporate all the other women at the camp - we climb mountains together, we go horseback riding, we create competitions. I enjoy hiking and being out in nature and I love tennis! I always say, you have to find that workout that you LIKE - because if you don't like it you're never gonna stick with it. And it's always fun if you can do it with someone. It really helps.

5. Cat or dog?

As a parent you always end up with your children's animals, so we have a little Yorkie named Stella right now. But I'm a pet lover and I've always had cats and dogs.

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Read magazines. I'm a magazine junkie. Also a self-help junkie.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

I'm in the middle of reading Suze Ormon's book, Women and Money. And I'm just finishing up Bob Greene's book, The Best Life Diet.

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, who would they be?

Hmmm.... Probably Bill Gates and Warren Buffet.

9. What is the one thing you do or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

Hopefully, infertility. That's the other dilemma of this generation.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

Nothing. I would change nothing about my life.

Come to Camp with Joan! This summer's session is August 21-24th - four days and three nights. For more information and to register, visit www.campreveille.com.

Woman of the Week

Mindy Tucker Fletcher

An inspired career

-The Bettys

Mindy Tucker Fletcher has a resume that reads like a who's who of the Republican Party. She began her career on Capitol Hill where she worked for Rep. Sam Johnson (R-TX) before becoming deputy communications director of the National Republican Congressional Committee. She worked for George W. Bush on his 1998 Texas gubernatorial reelection campaign and as national press secretary of the 2000 campaign, "Bush for President". From director of public affairs for the U.S. Department of Justice to communications director for the Republican National Committee and a host of other positions, she rose in Washington ranks before heading West, where she served as deputy chief of staff and deputy campaign manager for California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. Most recently she started her own firm, Arrow Advisers, where she does strategic communications consulting for corporations and non-profits.

A few years ago, you stepped out of the spotlight of national politics to settle down in California. What was it like to make that transition?

I thought it would be easy, but in reality it did bring with it some challenges. For years I had been Mindy Tucker and defined by my career in Washington, D.C., in politics and government. All of a sudden I was in a new state, married, with a new last name and striving to redefine myself in a strange new world. It has taken me a few years to sort out how to still be myself in this new place, but I have found that you really learn who you are through a life change like this.

Your alma mater honored you with an Emerging Leader Award. Where did you hone your leadership skills?

I am still honing them every day. I had some incredible experiences along the way, starting in college that helped me learn leadership. The most effective tools and lessons I have learned have come from watching and listening to those around me. From my student activities adviser in college who taught me the value of writing thank you notes, to learning how to mentor and delegate from Karen Hughes on the 2000 presidential campaign, to watching Maria Shriver use her position as First Lady of California to improve the lives of people in our state. The world is full of great teachers if you pay attention.

You've held some very influential positions in state and national politics. What has been your favorite job and why?

Wow - tough question. Nothing will ever compare to the intensity I felt when I was the spokesperson for the United State Justice Department on September 11, 2001. I had the opportunity to work with some of the smartest attorneys in the country during a historic and important time for our country. It is hard to really choose a favorite, but I have truly loved the political campaigns I have worked on. In every one of them, I have worked for a cause I believed in, made lifelong friends and had a front row seat for history.

If you could spend the majority of your time attending to one issue what would it be and why?

Foster care, no question. I have seen the results of a system that fails the children it is supposed to be helping. From changing the perception of foster parents to raising the standards of care for the children in the system, I believe wholesale change is needed. I have watched some amazing people step in from non-profit organizations to fill the gaps left by government and they are doing a terrific job. But, we need stronger policies to protect the most vulnerable among us.

How would you advise a young woman who has an interest in going into politics (whether running for office or getting involved with public policy)?

Experience, experience, experience. No college major can prepare you for a career in politics. Experience is the key. Work and volunteer in politics and government. You will meet people and see the process in action. Nothing can replace this kind of on the job training. There are also some terrific programs for training women to get involved in politics such as the Marian Bergeson Series. If you are serious about a career in this area, invest in some solid political training from experts who have experience in the trenches. We need more women involved in politics so jump in and get involved!

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10-years-old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Country and western singer

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

The girls from drill team

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

Abigail Adams - she endured long periods of time away from her husband during a war, she was also a voice for women and involved in politics herself

4. What's your workout?

Walking the dogs every morning

5. Cat or dog?

DOGS!

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune-out?

Watch mindless television

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

Several - The Lost Apostle by Rena Pederson, Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi, and Dead Certain by Robert Draper

8. If you could have dinner with any two people who would they be?

Singer Jennifer Nettles and author Janice Woods Windle

9. What is the one thing you do or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

Waiting too long to have babies only to learn they are too old

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

I would move the states of Texas and California closer together so I could still have great weather, but also live closer to my family and friends back home.

Woman of the Week

Mazz Swift-Camlet

Living her childhood dream

-Nicole Christie

Mazz Swift-Camlet might be one of the few women in the world actually succeeding in the career she imagined for herself at the age of 10. Born and raised in Queens, she started playing violin at 6 and honed her craft at New York's LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts (yes, the Fame school), and then Juilliard. Her story - from playing in New York subways to traveling the world with an eclectic variety of musical projects - is captivating and inspiring. Just like the woman herself.

Music has been part of your life since a very young age, but you haven't always performed full-time. Tell us about your path.

I'm a classically trained violinist who left Juilliard in the middle of my third year to pursue a more organic approach to music making. I did a bit of traveling around the country and even quit playing for about two years. During that time, I moved into an intentional community of artists who were into using improvisation as the key to unlocking creative genius. It was exactly what I'd been looking for so I stayed for two more years. When I finally made it back to New York I - on a dare - started playing in the subway stations. Eventually I was making the same money as my day job in about half the hours, so I quit the job. Playing in public places was also the perfect transition to becoming a full-time professional musician - an Irish band I ended up playing with for three years found me in the subway at West 4th Street, and I went on my first professional trip out of the country with a woman I met while playing in Washington Square Park. Since then, I've been trying to meld all my experiences into a cohesive sound that I can call my own.

Describe your musical taste - favorite genres, favorite artists.

I'm completely enamored with Imogen Heap. I love that she can perform her material as a solo artist (with lots of electronic toys or maybe just playing the piano), and is also right at home on stage with a big rock band backing her up. I'm a huge Peter Gabriel fan - the man is a god. Jenny Scheinman is probably my biggest influence as a violinist. Stephane Grappelli and the Uptown String Quartet are responsible for me leaving Juilliard (you can do THAT with a VIOLIN?!). I really enjoy Bitch, Bjork, Mark Feldman, Regina Spektor, and Lily Allen. I'm also big into ska - The Selecter, The Specials, and The English Beat. And then there are my Irish favorites - Lunasa, fiddler Liz Carroll, and guitarist/singer John Doyle.

I'm a huge fan of Brazz Tree. How did you and your musical partner, Brad Hammonds, start collaborating? What is that process like?

In the beginning Brad would record guitar ideas for me to listen to at home and I'd decide if I wanted to sing or play over each idea. Then I'd bring my ideas back to him and we'd hash out arrangements together. It was like that for a while and then it morphed into us working together more in the moment. Now we're experimenting with writing songs separately and then coming together to put the finishing touches on it. It's important that the process changes each time in order to keep the writing fresh. Neither of us wants to put out a new record that sounds like the old one.

You write the lyrics for Brazz Tree's songs. Are there any particular life experiences or subjects that often inspire you to write?

As much as I'd like to be a well-rounded writer, I find myself constantly coming back to love and relationships! I'd say about 90% of my writing comes from personal experiences in relationships (mostly romantic, but not exclusively). There's something about the pain and also the triumph that really fascinates me about being intimately involved with another human being. It's the most confounding and satisfying thing one can do. It's much like playing the violin actually - all the love and hard work it takes (not to mention commitment!).

In addition to performing with Brazz Tree, you also perform solo, as well as with a number of ensembles. How is the experience as a solo artist different from being part of a band? Do you have a preference?

I think I actually prefer playing in a band - I really like to react to what people are doing around me. I find it's very easy to feed off other people's energy. That being said, I do like setting the vibe in a room and having complete control over it as a solo artist. If I think of the performance as an experiment and the performance space as a laboratory, then it's just an extension of what I do in the practice room alone - with people enjoying it as a bonus.

Tell us what a "typical" day in your life looks like.

Working as a freelance artist can make my schedule somewhat erratic; I'm always trying to find balance in my life. I start the day working on the computer: booking Brazz Tree, doing promotions for shows, answering e-mails, paying bills. I try and arrange rehearsals during the day (from noon on) because evenings are when the performances and recording sessions usually happen. I'll often end up having two rehearsals back to back because of the number of projects on my plate. At night, if I don't have a gig, I'm usually at the dojang practicing Hapkido - I try and do that at least three times a week. I've also been writing a lot of music lately - and for some reason I like to do that late into the night. Sometimes I'm particularly inspired by a show I've been to and want to work on an idea right away, so I'll sit down at the computer with my violin at 11:00 or 12:00 at night and work until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning - sometimes even later.

You also often collaborate with your husband, percussionist and producer Alan Swift-Camlet. How do manage the personal versus professional relationship?

Hmm - good question. I'll get back to you when I figure out how to do that!

Rapid Fire Questions

1.When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A famous violinist

2.What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

Metalheads and artsy weird types. But that was pretty much the scene at LaGuardia.

3.What women from the past do you most identify with?

No one is coming to mind. Does that make me a freak? I feel like I should say Harriet Tubman or Sojourner Truth or something...

4.What's your workout?

Hapkido (a Korean Martial Art), running, and weight lifting

5.Cat or dog?

Dog

6.What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Watch TV shows online - my hubby and I don't have cable

7.What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois

8.If you could have dinner with any two people, who would they be?

I have to pick only two?! OK, Peter Gabriel and Imogen Heap - but I'd rather collaborate with them than have dinner. Though perhaps some wine would be involved.

9.What is the one thing you do or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

This is just a wish and unfortunately it will not come true in the next generation - especially in the U.S. - but I would wish for them to never encounter racism.

10.If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

The feeling that I'm running out of time and screwing it all up!

Mazz has a packed performance schedule coming up - see her play May 31st & June 2nd at Banjo Jim's (NYC), June 4th at The Living Theatre (NYC), and more. Visit www.myspace.com/mazzmuzik for details.

Women of the Week

Still Hot

Authors dish on life postdivorce

-Julie Ryan Evans

Sue Mittenthal and Linda Reing are coauthors of Still Hot, the Uncensored Guide to Divorce, Dating, Sex, Spite, and Happily Ever After, a hilarious look at life after divorce. They provide practical and amusing tips on everything from dealing with infidelity ("Your husband, the chick magnet") to the manhunt ("The widower: America's most wanted") to dating and having sex in the new millennium ("Losing your second virginity"). BettyConfidential.com recently caught up with the duo to probe a bit behind the pages.

In the introduction to Still Hot, you actually thank your exes for the "hilariously predictable behavior" that inspired the book. What is it that you think makes men cheat, and, earlier in your marriage, would you have ever seen this coming - or was it a total shock?

Linda: I think that many middle-aged men cheat in order to feel younger and more alive. This behavior has less to do with their wives and their relationships than with their own fear of decrepitude. I was blindsided by my husband's cheating, but later realized that I ignored years' worth of evidence. I actually thought it was normal that he spent all day every Saturday for two years holed up in his office with his 20-something intern.

Sue: When you've trusted someone for 25 years, you're amazingly blind to the signs. One woman told me that late one night she noticed her husband's cell phone buzzing with a text message. He'd left the phone by the bedside. She innocently picked it up and read "I love you." Assuming this was some kind of deranged stalker, she asked her husband with concern, "What crazy lunatic is writing that she loves you?" It didn't occur to her that it was his girlfriend!

What inspired you to move beyond commiserating with each other and actually write the book?

Sue: Surprisingly, as we compared our husbands' textbook behavior, as well as the cast of freaks we dated, not to mention our own confusion and craziness during it all, we found ourselves laughing. It must have been the combination of our experiences and our senses of humor. Pretty soon we were talking to other women who'd been through the same, and taking notes. When we had our first 10 pages, we actually thought we had a book! We decided to meet regularly and turn it into one.

Linda: We wrote the guidebook we wished someone had handed us when we were first falling down that rabbit hole into a world of strange and scary experiences.

What's some of the most important advice you have for women who find out their husbands are leaving them?

Linda: The most important advice we have for women who find out their husbands are leaving them is to realize that it is not their fault. The fact that the young guys at the office don't invite him along to happy hour and that he has more hair in his ears than on his head does not make you responsible for his quest to find eternal youth. But they do explain his misery.

Sue: Amen! Yet so many women blame themselves and get mired in analyzing what they did wrong, especially since the husband trumps up all kinds of lamebrained grievances at this point. My friend's ex told her that she didn't "jog fast enough." Another's husband complained that she never discussed the Spanish Civil War with him.

How do you maintain your sense of humor and self-confidence after being betrayed by your spouse?

Sue: I had a very wise shrink who helped me regain both, and two wonderfully supportive kids, good friends, the experience of writing the book and time. Just getting through it one day at a time. Eventually you rebuild your life, and you realize that you're capable of much more than you thought.

Linda: You start by letting your girlfriends force you to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and before you know it, one day - amazingly - you actually find yourself laughing again. And a glass of wine here and there helps!

Do you know if your exes have read the book? What kind of feedback have they provided?

Linda: There is no way my ex would read the book. I'm more curious to know if his new wife has been able to resist the urge!

Sue: My ex e-mailed me when he heard the book was coming out. He wanted to be assured that it wasn't a first-person tell-all about our marriage. Which it's not. Our book reflects nearly 100 women's experiences, which is why so many readers can relate to it.

Do either of you have plans to marry again, or are you too jaded to do it all again?

Linda: I'm not planning to re-marry but, for several years I have been enjoying a loving, live-in relationship with the man who is - who would have ever thought this was possible? - the love of my life. We both have children, and he has grandchildren. We enjoy each other and our families, and marriage seems extraneous right now, but I'm not jaded by my prior experience. If anything, I'm more open and grateful to have found such a satisfying relationship.

Sue: I'd love to find that guy, too, and I hope it happens for me someday. But I've come to realize that if it doesn't, I'll still have a happy and rewarding life.

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Linda: Stand-up comic or artist.

Sue: I may have entertained fantasies of being a ballerina or an ice skater for about five minutes. I wasn't very ambitious at 10.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

Linda: Kids who hung out in the Friendly's parking lot, sitting on the hoods of cars and thinking we were sooo cool.

Sue: Smart kids. It was the late '60s, and we thought we were arty and intellectual. My high school boyfriend made a movie with his Super-8 camera of his grandmother in a suburban yard, set to Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands.

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

Linda: Georgia O'Keefe, Frida Kahlo, Virginia Woolf, Queen Elizabeth I.

Sue: My mother.

4. What's your workout?

Linda: I was doing 12 flights of stairs in my apartment building, but that somehow led to messing up my hip and months of physical therapy, so now my workout is 20 minutes of stretching with my office colleagues during lunch.

Sue: I walk for an hour most days of the week.

5. Cat or dog?

Linda: Love both, but definitely a dog person - if somebody else will walk him.

Sue: Cocker spaniel - the worst!

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

Linda: I zone out by turning on the TV, and lose interest immediately - unless it's Masterpiece Theater - and I just "go internal."

Sue: I walk, listen to music, watch an old Woody Allen movie.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

Linda: Piles of them, including The Ministry of Special Cases by Nathan Englander, A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and The Odyssey.

Sue: Like Life, a short-story collection by Lorrie Moore.

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, who would you choose?

Linda: Mick Jagger and my boyfriend.

Sue: John Updike and Mick Jagger, though not necessarily together.

9. What is the one thing you want or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

Linda: I don't want the next generation of girls to worry about lack of money or power. I want them to feel confident that they can take care of themselves. I hope they will wait to marry the right person, but if it doesn't work out, I hope they will feel competent and attractive and not full of self-doubt.

Sue: I don't want them to feel that they can't make it without a man. It's great to fall in love and get married, but I'd like my daughter always to feel confident that she can take care of herself.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

Linda: I'd work way fewer hours.

Sue: I'm a full-time writer, and I work at home. I also live alone, so I spend a lot of time by myself. Though I see friends, it might be nice to be in a workplace with other people a few days a week.

Woman of the Week

Louise Sloan

Author of Knock Yourself Up

-April Daniels Hussar

Louise Sloan, author of Knock Yourself Up: A Tell All Guide to Being a Single Mom, has been a writer and editor for more than 20 years. In June 2006, her life-long dream of becoming a mother came true when her son Scott was born. The journey she took to motherhood is chronicled in her book, along with the stories of women from across the country who ultimately agreed with Louise that "Love Makes a Family." Here she gives us her reaction to the Tina Fey blockbuster Baby Mama, and fills us in on life as a single mom by choice.

So, what did you think of Baby Mama?

(Laughing) It was the first movie I've seen in a theater since I had Scott, and it was not worth the $72 that I paid to see it. That [expense] is why I haven't seen a movie since I had him! I enjoyed it - it was funny, but I agreed with criticisms that it didn't have the emotional depth that takes a funny movie and makes it great. I found that kind of ridiculous because there's so much highly emotional stuff in the process of deciding to become a single mom.

They didn't really go into the real thought process Tina Fey's character would have gone through in deciding to become a single mother.

That really would have allowed them to go some places that would have made it a deeper movie, and her a more complex character. Obviously, in my book, there are all sorts of hilarious things that happen, but it's also really painful and emotional - both good and bad. If they had taken their inspiration a little bit more from the real women who do this they could have made it just as funny - but a more satisfying experience for the viewers.

How do you feel the Tina Fey character compares with the real-life women you interviewed for your book?

Obviously comedies trade in stereotype - and Tina Fey was really likeable - but she's this uptight businesswoman who forgot to have kids. And the uptight businesswoman stereotype - of the women that I interviewed, maybe one fits that description, but most of them aren't like that at all. The same old lame stereotype. Predictable.

What's your take on her line, "Some women got pregnant. I got promotions"?

That line it felt like it was written 20 years ago - so dated. On the plus side the movie never suggests that if she were a real woman she'd quit her job - that at least is progress.

Just one of the negative stereotypes that I've been hit with since the book came out is the idea that these are a bunch of rich women who don't give this a second thought, don't spend a moment thinking about what the impact might be on their future child; they just want to take their money and buy themselves a baby like they're buying a pair of designer shoes, some sort of lifestyle accessory. They didn't show [Tina Fey's character] even having any struggle.

One thing in the movie that I could relate to was all the unsolicited advice and comments you get when you're pregnant - people comparing, telling horror stories, guessing how far along you are or what you're having. Is that something that becomes more awkward when you're a single pregnant woman?

It's certainly awkward. Some women really had trouble with it and attempted to just say as little as possible, just say, "The dad's not involved." Personally I think it's so important to be open and honest from the beginning. Some women tell themselves they're being private because it's the child's decision, but what's the message when you're being private about the way they were conceived? It gives the idea there's something wrong. Ultimately it's about the mom's discomfort with the path they've chosen. I feel, and the experts I interviewed feel, it's really important for women to work through their own discomfort before they give a whiff it that to their kids.

How does being a single mom by choice compare with being a single mom not by choice-as a result of divorce, or an unplanned pregnancy, etc. - where there is a father in the picture?

I think [as a single-mom-by-choice] you're more prepared for it. Problems can arise from being a single mom if you weren't prepared to be the sole financial support to your child, and you didn't think in advance, "can I handle this alone, have I created the support system for myself?" Certainly many single moms do great no matter what the circumstances, but I do think that it's more difficult to be a single mom the old fashioned way.

Have you found that there's a distinction - like the alleged "war" between SAHMs and working moms?

Not really. I guess the difference, honestly, is that it's easier for them to date because they often have the built in babysitter of the ex. I knew three single moms before doing this, and I was very reassured because all of them have great new relationships. It didn't occur to me that they could have these great new relationships because they have the other parent as a babysitter!

Since the book has been published, has there been a lot of backlash?

Oh yes! You know, when I was doing research, I anticipated that I would talk to women who really struggled with negative attitudes toward their choice, and I didn't find that. Even in conservative cities and families I found that after perhaps an initial surprise there was a lot of support. So I was quite shocked when a Q&A went up on Salon.com [for example] and there was some really nasty stuff, like Scott's going to end up in jail and when he does I should be jailed as well.

How do you deal with something like that?

I knew that there were those ideas out there. It felt pretty awful really. I was very fearful in writing the book. I felt I was really exposing a lot of myself, exposing myself to attack. I knew it was a controversial topic. It was deeply scary. Ultimately I'm able to say, these people don't know me and they're reacting to this concept, not to me as a person or a mom.

The worst - someone called me the "poster girl for fatherless families." I grew up without a dad, I've done a lot of thinking about and working through that. That's not what this is about - becoming a single mom by choice doesn't mean you're anti-Dad - so that's very painful. Fortunately the research on donor-conceived kids who grew up without a father is very reassuring.

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10-years-old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Probably a writer. A writer or a dancer.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

I definitely hung out with a broad variety, but I would say I tended toward the creative types and the slightly more rebellious ones.

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

Oh jeez. I don't think in those terms... The ones that are more independent and creative are the ones that I aspire to be like.

4. What's your workout?

The first answer is hefting a 30-pound toddler and groceries and God knows what else up and down three flights of stairs! I used to dance a lot before I had Scott, now I do mostly free weights in the gym, bike or the elliptical

5. Cat or dog?

Dog.

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune-out?

Read. Dance is one of the things I'm passionate about, but that's not really about tuning out.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

Gosh I wish I had an interesting answer for that. Oh that's just the sort of thing you want to have a good answer for!

8. If you could have dinner with any two people who would they be?

Oh for crying out loud... Actually, I'd really like to have dinner with my father.

9. What is the one thing you do or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

Sexist stereotypes about what their role should be. And I feel the same about boys.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

I'd love to have a partner. I never wanted to do this alone. I feel my life is happy and complete - I'm not feeling that there any terrible gaping holes, but on the other hand I would really love to have a partner.

Woman of the Week

Gretchen Hitchner

From politics to party dresses, former politico pursues passion

-Olga Golovanova

After nearly a decade working in the hallowed halls of the U.S. House of Representatives and the U.S. Senate, Gretchen Hitchner decided it was time for a change. Armed with nothing more than an idea, she set out to open the kind of clothing store she wanted to shop in. The result was Ginger - with branches in Bethesda, Md., and Winter Park, Fla. - which she runs with her business partner and sister-in-law, Aimee Hitchner (pictured), Gretchen is a great example of someone who had the courage to dive headfirst off the beaten career path and create her own.

What inspired you to make the transition and to go for it?

After working for almost a decade in politics, I was pretty disenchanted with the whole system. As a result, my career goals had changed. Instead of wanting to save the world, I wanted a job that would: 1) be fun and 2) allow me to be home with my kids. I had no idea whether the store would be successful, but my husband was very supportive and helped me realize the worst-case scenario was that the store wouldn't work out, and we could live with that.

That's a pretty big risk. How did you handle the fear and uncertainty?

The fear was intense for me because of the financial risks. But I minimized the risk as much as possible, and got as much information as I could. I saved my salary for an entire year before I opened my store, and that helped me build my cash reserves. I also interviewed as many people as I could in the industry. I found several boutique owners who were willing to share their information with me. One person gave me his business plan, which was incredibly helpful. I also snuck into a show with fake business cards. I had no idea what I was doing, but I discovered that I loved the business side of this process. Finding the location, researching the different lines, designing the store - it was all so exciting.

So are you glad you took the leap?

Clothes are much more fun than politics. What I love is finding the perfect dress or outfit for a customer, and watching her look in the mirror and feel great about herself. When you look good, you feel good. It's a small thing, but it's very rewarding to help someone feel good.

What kind of similarities do you find between the two career paths you've explored?

I've learned that what you say and how you say it are equally important. A little diplomacy can go a very long way.

And I've really approached the whole process like I would a big interview for my boss. I research the issues thoroughly, figure out the strategy that best matches my goals, and imagine every curveball that might come my way. In the end, I have to rely on a combination of knowledge, common sense and a positive outlook to make this work.

What's the most challenging part of running your own business?

Taking care of the rest of my life at the same time! I've got two toddlers at home, so when I'm with them I don't want to be cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc. Balancing everything is tricky. I want the store to be successful, but I've got a family that's even more important.

Rapid Fire Questions

1. When you were 10 years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

An astronaut.

2. What type of kids did you hang out with in high school?

The rebellious sort!

3. What women from the past do you most identify with?

Moms of all types. There's a lot of pressure to have it all, and I'm realizing that being a mom always comes first. It's a challenge but definitely my most-favorite job.

4. What's your workout?

On a great day, a five-mile run.

5. Cat or dog?

Absolutely a dog!

6. What do you do when you want to completely tune out?

I watch the Food Network or read Us Weekly.

7. What book is sitting on your shelf waiting to be read?

The Tipping Point.

8. If you could have dinner with any two people, whom would you choose?

I have been planning a girls' weekend for a long time with two of my best friends who live a little while away, and we all have so much going on that it just hasn't happened. I would love to get dressed up and go to a fabulous restaurant with them and just enjoy the evening.

9. What is the one thing you want or do not want the next generation of girls to encounter?

The constant body-image problems.

10. If there were one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?

See number nine.

Woman of the Week

Kari Ann Buckhold

A soldier's wife discusses her husband's deployment overseas and recent return

-Julie Ryan Evans

Kari Ann Buckhold is one of hundreds of thousands of U.S. women who have gone and are going it alone while their husbands serve overseas in military operations. Kari Ann's husband George, a Marine, was deployed not once, but twice--for seventh months at a time. The first time he was sent to Iraq, their son, also George, was only 1 ½ years old. Reunited just a few weeks ago, this Memorial Day will be especially meaningful for the Buckhold family.

While your husband was away in Iraq what was the hardest thing about daily life?

The hardest thing about daily life for me was being alone so much. Although I have my son, of course, I missed the adult conversations with my husband. I don't have family close by, either, which made it difficult at times for me.

Your son is 3 now, and in those years he hasn't had much of a chance to spend time with his father. Do they have a connection?

Yes, they do. He was able to speak to his father on the phone from Iraq regularly. His father also made him a video in Iraq (a video of himself) which our son watched all the time. He knew daddy went to work and would be back soon!

What were some of the most challenging issues you had to face while your husband was in Iraq?

I returned to work after being home with our son for about one and half years. That was tough for me dealing with the guilt I felt putting him back in daycare. It was a hard decision, but I feel it was the best for both of us!

Having one's husband away on a business trip for seven months would be tough, but to be constantly reminded that he may be a risk is unimaginable, how did you cope?

I prayed every night for my husband and all the troops' safe return. I really believe that they were being watched over. I was able to speak to my husband often, and he would reassure me that he was fine and made it safely back from his mission(s). I always had the support of family and friends, which I am so grateful for!

What was the reunion with your husband like?

The reunion was so incredibly emotional, it is hard to explain. Seeing my husband with our son again was the happiest moment for all of us! You anticipate the homecoming for so long, and when it finally arrives, the feelings of excitement and anticipation are so overwhelming. The best parts of having my husband back are seeing him interact with our son again. He has changed so much, and his dad is