The Tipping List

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother-in-Law

Tips for managing the grand dame

-Wendy T. Behary

She boasts, she brags, she thinks she's GREAT!
She goads, she nags, you're feeling IRATE!
Intruding, competing, she makes you feel SMALL!
Deluding, defeating, she's pushed you to the WALL!!
What do you do? You've "stolen" her SON!
What do you do? She's still number ONE!

Our brains are naturally equipped with a fight, flight and freeze switch that activates when we're faced with an enemy, a threat to our survival. The narcissistic mother-in-law can be a mighty button-pusher of our "red alert" system.

If you are dealing with one of them - welcome! You are now on the "emotionally endangered species" list. But don't despair ...

Here are some of the top tips for dealing with this difficult grand dame:

1. Empathy - understanding (not sympathy and not agreement), and an offer of some benefit of the doubt
2. Confrontation - holding her accountable by confronting unacceptable "performances"
3. Set Limits - making clear the line of demarcation - your space and hers
4. Clarify Expectations - best when you can anticipate potential glitches, but also helpful in the moment; being clear about who, what, when, where and how
5. Compromise - when it does not violate your fundamental values and rights
6. Collaboration - "we" statements are nonthreatening and allow you to model desired outcomes by taking responsibility when appropriate read more...