Have a dilemma at work that you just can't get your arms around? Dealing with difficult people? Recently laid-off? Dating your boss? Unhappy? Want out?

Master Certified Coach Michele Woodward, a leading coach and speaker who's worked with hundreds of people and workplaces, and she's the author of Lose Weight, Find Love, De-Clutter & Save Money: Essays on Happier Living, can help steer you in the direction of a happier and more effective life. So go ahead, toss her your toughest stuff. Her insights just might change your life. Michele herself strives to live a balanced and happy life. Imagine that.

To submit your question to Michele, please click here to login or register.

Your Career Coach

Office Dating in a Downturn

Dear Michele,

I am dating a great guy who happens to work at the same company where I work. We've been together about 10 months and everything is going great. We're discreet at work but the company is OK with staff dating. The problem is that my guy is totally freaked out that he's going to be laid off. Sometimes it gets so bad that I get upset and worried, too. Since I work in HR, he's always after me to tell him the "inside scoop" about lay off plans, etc. I can't do that -- or I will get fired. How do I manage this weird situation?

-- Office Romance

Dear Ro,

(Channeling my best Beyonce): Boyfriend better back off is all I'm
gonna say.

Honestly, if your boyfriend is so freaked out that he'd put your job at risk -- what does that say about his judgment and true caring for you? Sure, we all have times when our fears get completely out of whack and this may be one of those times for Boyfriend, but ... he needs to lay off. And you need to tell him, firmly, to lay off. Read more on office dating in a downturn...

Your Career Coach

How to Hate Your Boss and Keep Your Job

Dear Michele,

I think I work for the biggest jerk in America. He's a blowhard, and blames everyone else for anything that goes wrong. He makes all these rules then never obeys them himself. He comes in late and leaves early, but then calls to make sure we're still at our desks. I really want to quit but I know finding a new job in this recession will be impossible. I am stuck and getting angrier every day.

Sometimes I think that quitting and being broke would be better than one more day in this hellhole.

-- The Apprentice

Dear App,

It's always better to find a job from the perch of having a job. Wanna be sneaky, though? I like the idea of you mounting a stealth campaign, right under this jerk's nose. You're going to mount a stealth campaign to get you the hell out of there. How to do it? Read more on hating your boss and keeping your job...

Your Career Coach

Networking Seems Fake

Dear Michele,

Everyone says that the key to finding a new job is to network, but I hate networking. It seems so fake. All these people running around, handing out business cards, not even looking each other in the eyes. I really can't stand it. Is there another, more authentic way to "network"?

-- A Lover Not a Networker

Dear Lover,

My friend Liz Lynch has written a great new book on networking,
aptly called Smart Networking (McGraw Hill). Liz offers many, many useful, practical and helpful tips about how to do effective networking. And she suggests that you consider your network as all the people you know -- those you've worked with, those you've played with, those you've socialized with, and those you are related to by blood or marriage. Read more about networking...

Your Career Coach

Thomas Alva Edison My Life, Please

Dear Michele,

I have been a CPA for 20 years working at a major
non-profit that everyone in America knows. From that perspective, it's a good job because from time to time I get to experience some interesting stuff, but I am mostly stuck in my cube crunching numbers. We recently had some training where I found out that I score very high on my need to be with people. Which I'm not doing when I'm in my cube.

I'm afraid that if I try to find a new job that's more people oriented that I'll have to take a huge step back and a big pay cut. With two kids in college and one ready to go, I can't afford to do that now. But I am miserable in my job. Is there anything I can do?

-- Reinventor

Dear Re,

Often we limit our opportunities because we tell ourselves that we
have to do all of THIS and none of THAT, or all of THAT and none of THIS. When the easiest transition is to have some of THIS and some of THAT, moving toward the one that gives us more happiness. Read more about being miserable in your job...

Your Career Coach

New Strategy Needed

Dear Michele,

I have been using the Internet to apply for jobs in my field. I am getting no responses, I need a new strategy. I would like to find out how to take it to the next level as I have been looking for quite some time.

--Lookie-Loo

Dear Lookie,

Seventy percent of jobs are filled by personal referral. Yep, 70 percent. So, rather than sending resumes out to people you don't know, why not shift your strategy to sending resumes out to people you do know? Go through your Christmas card list, your alumni directory, your speed dial, your neighborhood directory -- is anyone already doing the kind of job you would like to have? Make sure you're clear on what you want to do, then have a very short "elevator speech" which clearly tells other people what you want to do. Then, start talking to people you've identified. If you need help understanding this approach, get my friend Liz Lynch's great new book Smart Networking (McGraw-Hill).

Your Career Coach

Pink Slip Blues

Dear Michele,

I was laid off unexpectedly about a month ago. I am so embarrassed to tell anyone and feel like such a failure. I know I'm supposed to get going with networking and sending out my resume and all that stuff, but I mostly hang out in my bathrobe and watch TV. I am pathetic. I loved my job and the people I worked with were like family. Now I feel all alone and like there's nothing I'm good at. Any suggestions?

-- The Robe

Dear Robe,

Well, at least you are aware enough to know that hanging out in your bathrobe all day is not exactly the healthiest choice. So let's get that changed first.

Going to a job is a routine, and gives structure and order to our days. First thing you need to do - get some structure and schedule going. At first, let's just get you up, showered and out of the house. Where will you go? Take your laptop to a local Starbucks or library. That way, you'll be around other people and won't feel so alone. Use the time to send e-mails to your contacts, explaining what's going on with you and what kind of work you're looking for. Read more on the pink slip blues...

Your Career Coach

Stopping the Rumor Mill

Dear Michele,

I am recovering from having been discriminated against by my former corporate employer for having taken maternity/family leave, and having blown the whistle on them. Because the corporation demanded all employees sign an arbitration consent, I was unable to file suit against them and receive due restitution. I am now preparing to go out and hang my own shingle.

My competitors are starting to ask me about my past corporate job. I feel like they are trying to dig up some dirt. Is it okay if I set the record straight for all who bother to inquire? I want to do what I can to prevent the circulation of false rumors against me.

-- Rumors

Dear Rumors,

I have the perfect script for you: "I'm really happy with the settlement I received from XYZ Company, but as part of the terms, I really can't discuss it in detail." Read more on stopping the rumor mill...

Your Career Coach

The Debt Blues

Dear Michele,

I'm a mortgage underwriter with 25 years experience. As with hundreds, maybe thousands of people, I have had employment issues the last year and a half due to the economy. This year I've been lucky somewhat, but I've still experienced a period of unemployment that has resulted in more debt than I am use to. Thanks again to the economy, the businesses are now only offering low ball salaries. I've recently started a new contract/temporary job" which is the only thing that seems available.

My issue is I received a pay cut equal to over $11,000. This won't cover my bills. This job doesn't allow for a second job. How can I manage my bills? I don't want to have my credit ruined through no fault of my own.

-- I Got The Debt Blues

Dear Blues,

I hear you, sister. Congrats on landing the contract job -- not an easy thing to do in the current economy. But you have an $11,000 salary cut to deal with. Let me ask you (because I have to): Have you made an attempt to cut your spending to accommodate the lower salary? Read more about the debt blues...

Your Career Coach

The Stress-Food Cycle

Dear Michele,

I am trying desperately to lose weight and for some reason when I get stressed, overwhelmed, or just bored I always go to food. I do not understand why I go to food but it seems like the comfort zone. Then after I eat this food I feel bad because I have put on weight. I am in a horrible cycle.

-- Tired Cyclist

Dear Cyclist,

The good news is that there is a way to get the cycle to stop. Use The Three N's: Notice, Narrow, Name. First, you have to notice that you're stressed. Take special care to figure out what causes the stress -- Narrow it down. Is it your job? Your commute? Your kids? Your spouse? Your mother? Your money? Once you've Noticed that you're stressed, and Narrowed down the cause, just Name it. "I am stressed because my mother called asking for money." Bingo! That's the moment you can deal with the specific stress you're facing -- and you can choose to deal with it without food - because food has nothing to do with your mother and money. Just be more conscious about the reasons you resort to food, and you'll start to get a handle on it.

For another great question on stopping the overeating cycle, go here.

Your Career Coach

Mortgages, Smortgages

Dear Michele,

I have been a mortgage underwriter for over 25 years, and I just recently lost my job. I desperately wish to get out of the mortgage business but feel I'm up against too many roadblocks, such as my lack of experience in any other field. I know the best way to gain necessary experience is through networking, yet I haven't had much luck with that either. I feel I have a lot to offer but I'm not big on selling myself, and the efforts I've made don't ever seem to pan out. Recruiters just look for someone with prior knowledge; they don't know how to think out of the box. Help!

-- S-T-U-C-K

Dear S-T-U-C-K,

Wish I'd known you when I tried to refi a few months ago ... anyway. Here's the deal -- you have specialized knowledge in a really difficult area: Mortgages. I know it's difficult and stressful work, but what kind of organization would benefit from all of your 25 years of experience? Is there a place where what you know allows you to contribute? Why, yes, there is! Credit counseling. Funds that buy mortgages. Private investors who make mortgages. Credit unions. How about community colleges or high schools? They need professors and teachers who teach this kind of stuff to students.

Any time you're stuck, remember this: Focus on the tools you already have and figure out how to best use them. Then, voila! You'll find a path through and you'll no longer be stuck. Good luck.

Your Career Coach

MBA! Get Your MBA Here!

Dear Michele,

I am thinking about going back to school. I have a bachelors degree and would like to get an MBA from a top US school. I have a good job, meaning I like what I do and I think it will keep me motivated for a couple of years. But I will outgrow it. I am concerned about my future and don't want to be stuck in a career rut in a couple of years. But just the application process and getting into a top MBA school itself it so daunting that I don't know how to go about it. Please advise.

-- The Schoolgirl Wannabe

Dear Wannabe,

Whenever you consider further education, it's really important to ask yourself "why?" Why go to school? Why now? Why an MBA? What's the endgame you hope to achieve by holding that degree? Honestly, to undertake the commitment and sacrifice that getting an MBA will require, you've gotta feel some pain where you are right this minute. Doesn't sound like you're in a ton of pain in your current job, although you have an awareness that someday you just might, possibly outgrow the job. Is that enough to push you through the MBA process?

Take some time and sketch out your vision for your future and the role an MBA would play in that future -- then you'll know if it's the right step for you. By clearly stating your vision, you'll also figure out which schools will be right for you because you'll know exactly what you want to study.

Your Career Coach

Where to Start?

Dear Michele,

I'm stuck. It's that simple. My life has hit a dead end. Five years ago I got back with my husband after we'd been estranged for two years. During the time we were apart I maintained a weight loss of 100 pounds, had a full-time job for the first time, my own apartment and my own money.

When we got back together I gave up the job to take care of our kids, and since then I've managed to gain back over 50 percent of what I lost. I did wind up going back to school and getting my Associate's degree with honors, but I feel like that's my only accomplishment. I homeschool my kids, so my career options are limited until my youngest, who is nine, is out of school or at least in high school. Funds are severely limited now, as with everyone else, so going back to school is not an option right now. Read more about figuring out where to start...

Your Career Coach

Got an Itch

Dear Michele,

I have this desire at 47 to totally change my current career path and do something completely different. How do I tell if this is just a mid-life thing or a feeling that I should pay attention to?

-- Curious

Dear Curious,

Sometimes the voice we hear in mid-life is a very true and important voice -- telling us to do those things our hearts have been waiting for. That's the good angel on our shoulder. Sometimes it's the little devil whispering in our ear that prompts us to do bad, bad things. Like pole dancing in Vegas. But I'm not going to get too personal.

How do you tell if it's your good angel or your bad devil urging you to do something different? One way: Ask yourself, will doing this bring more love into the world, or create more unhappiness? Simple as that. Choose mid-life changes that bring positive, loving things into your life, and let those that would bring unhappiness to you or to others fall by the wayside.

Your Career Coach

To Tell the Truth

Dear Michele,

I work in an industry in which everyone knows one another. I'm often asked what it's like to work with a particular person, and I need advice on how to answer when the person in question has not been professional, or seems to lack skills. Often, the person in question is older than me, or has worked on projects that are of a much smaller scale than ones I've worked on. Therefore, I sometimes notice flaws or weaknesses in their work that would not be acceptable on a large scale project, but that may not be noticed by people accustomed to working on smaller projects.

Do I lie and say something positive about them? Or do I tell the truth? Read more about wanting to be honest...

Your Career Coach

Divorced Dad Seeks Mojo

Dear Michele,

I am a divorced dad, father of two precious girls (6 and 9) who is trying to stay active in their lives and yet also look out for myself. How can I become active again?

-- Dad

Dear Dad,

To be active, you just have to do stuff. When you say "active", you could mean many things -- but my guess is that you want to meet people, do interesting things and have some fun. Am I right? Best way to do this -- volunteer at a local charity you can support. Let's take a food pantry, for instance. Offer to stock shelves, run an inventory, unload a truck. You'll feel good, you'll be active, and you'll meet people. Some of them may even be women!

Many food-based non-profits welcome children -- so you could take your girls and start teaching them the importance of helping out and ... being active. All my best to you!

Your Career Coach

Stores Are Closed - What's Next?

Dear Michele,

I have had my own business in retail, women's apparel, for the last 20 years, and had to close all the stores this year. I don't have a resume and am in the job market; could you please help me decide which certifications are best suited for me? I have done project management (started stores from scratch -did hiring, firing, buying, inventory.) I have a one-year diploma in accounting and have a real estate license. I am very comfortable working on the computer, but I have no formal IT training.

-- Rag Trade Sally

Dear Sally,

Take a minute and think: Given all my experience opening and owning small businesses, who could use my help? Who needs what I already know? Off the top of my head, I'd say, other people who are opening stores or who are trying to make stores grow. Agree? Then, I know a couple of great places you could start networking to find yourself jobs consulting to people who'd be thrilled to meet you!

First, there's the National Association of Women Business Owners, a great organization that not only promotes female entrepreneurship, but runs regional programs to foster such businesses. Another great resource is Small Business Development Centers, located on college campuses and elsewhere across the country. Check sba.gov for the listing of a center near you.

Your Career Coach

What Comes After Teaching?

Dear Michele,

I'm recently divorced after 23 years of marriage. One son is in college, the other is in his last year of high school. I'm in my second year of part-time grad school in teaching, (English). I'm working in an inner city school and my principal has given me notice that when the semester ends in January, so will my teaching experience. Teaching isn't what I thought it would be, and there are an abundance of teachers in NY. I've never really had to hold a job, and don't know what to do now. I've lived my whole life for my family. What do I do?

-- Teach

Dear Teach,

I'm sorry for your divorce and hope you're taking time to heal from that. Twenty three years is a long time, and whether you initiated the proceedings or not, you can benefit from fully understanding what happened. I highly recommend Debbie Ford's book Spiritual Divorce. The first time I read the book I threw it across the room in frustration! But later, when I was calmer, I got so much from it! Now, as to your career...

Read more about life after teaching...

Your Career Coach

Gotta Jump

Dear Michele,

I am 41 years old and am working as a Team Leader in a call center in the utilities sector. My dilemma is that I have lost the heart and drive it takes to manage people as I've been doing it now for the past 15 years. I no longer seem to have the ability to motivate people, and I seem to be finding more and more people who have a weak work ethic. I could use some guidance on how to re-market myself out of management and into a role which is judged solely on my performance such as Business Analyst, Project Coordinator or something similar.

-- Seeking Change

Dear Seeker,

First, ask yourself: Do I want to stay at this company? If so (and it's the easiest path to a new position), identify the actual positions that are most appealing to you and talk to people who hold those jobs now to find out what they're really like. Next step -- go to your supervisor and discuss how you see your professional track unfolding. It's not unusual for people in management to move to a non-management position.

If the company values you and your experience (and my guess is the fact that you've been there 15 years is a great testimony to your skills), then they will make it possible for you to switch to the new role. You may require some training -- and when you talk to the people who have the kinds of job you'd like, find out what skills and training they have that you don't. This knowledge will give you a sense of what you need to do as well as the overall the nature of the job.

Your Career Coach

Wasting Away in Loserville?

Dear Michele,

Help me! I'm a 40-year-old man who is directionless. I'm trying hard but I am stuck in the wrong relationship, have a 20-year dead end public service job, and am controlled by a dominant mother - who I bought a unit close to. I am very unhappy but have kept my sense of humor which keeps me going. I use drinking, gambling and overeating to keep my emotions in check. I make up plans and dreams/goals but I keep not following through. Am I getting towards "loser stage" or am I already there? I have zero energy, but I love music and singing in choirs which helps to  energize me somewhat. I just recently finished a three-week choir practice for the finale which went well. Any advice would be great. Thanks.

-- Wondering Guy

Dear Guy,

I'm glad you have a sense of humor and find some joy in singing and music -- hey, you got that going for you! But let's get serious for a minute because the life you describe has a couple of warning signs flashing red for me. Drinking and gambling and eating to keep your emotions in check? Honey, that's not good for you. So, here's my serious suggestion: Please see a competent therapist.

Find someone who specializes in working with men, and particularly men who are entering their mid-life passage. One-on-one counseling will give you a deeper understanding of why you're stuck and why you're drinking and gambling and eating so much. You'll get tools to start to shift your life into something inspiring and motivating. You have the right to live a fulfilling life -- please take the first step to put you on that path.

Your Career Coach

Stay or Run Away?

Dear Michele,

I have a good, stable job in Marketing, but I feel my job is not meeting my "social" needs (I spend all day behind a computer). I dream of running away and being free. I dream of dropping everything to be a white-water rafting guide, or maybe spend a season at a ski resort. I crave constant stimulation and excitement. I want to be engaged, active and working with people!

I'm trying to get my expenses down so I can get out and try some new things - but I really don't have a PLAN! I'm a free-spirit, but my family believes one should never take a new job except for more money. I don't care (as much) about the money - I just want to collect experiences!

I flit from one interest to the next - how do I know will keep me satisfied for the Long Haul? Once I get what I was after ... I want something else.

-- ISO Something Else

Dear Something Else,

You know, I feel like running away today, too (What can I say? It's cold, it's rainy, it's Wednesday). So I know exactly how you feel. When I start to feel this way, I stop and ask myself some questions: What's going on? Where's the stress coming from? I know my key strengths and values -- is this feeling related to how I'm using them? Read more about wanting to run away...

Your Career Coach

Over-Educated and Under-Employed

Dear Michele,

I am in the middle of a transition in life. I am currently working for a temp agency in an office that is, well, less than a desirable workplace for me. I am looking elsewhere and am having trouble finding anything. One reason may be because of my two degrees. I have a bachelors and a masters and the types of the jobs I'm looking usually don't require a degree at all. Most employers aren't willing to even look at my resume, much less give me an interview so I can prove myself.

What are some options for me out there? I'd like something that I can like myself for, some place where I can be of service to people and still make enough money to support myself. Any ideas?

-- Smart Gal

Dear Smart,

Given the economy, employers are really in the catbird seat. They can now probably afford a PhD where previously they could only hire a person with a Master's degree. In your situation, where your dream job doesn't really require the education you've earned, can you consider downplaying your degrees? Read more about being over-qualified...

Your Career Coach

Off the Path?

Dear Michele,

I recently made the choice to step into a management position, a nine month contract, not outside of but on the outskirts of my main career path. My intention had been to gain valuable experience to take me further toward my own personal career goals. However, I've now found myself working 12-14 hour days, six days a week for the last two and a half months. My immediate superior quit over two months ago (approx. two months into my contract) and since then I have been performing his job duties as well as my own as one cannot function without the other.

I'd been overwhelmed by the tasks now sitting in my lap, but have slowly gotten it all organized to my own system. I did apply for my superior's open position, my education and experience more than met the posted job requirements, and I was doing it in any case. But in spite of my success as evident by my monthly numbers and hard working staff, I was informed by the director that I am "Unqualified" and perhaps in four or five years I would be suitable. Read more about being overwhelmed...

Your Career Coach

Better to be Underemployed or Unemployed?

Dear Michele,

I am a 38-year-old female architect. I have just been made redundant from a company that I had only been with for eight months; I held an associate position in the firm. I left an associate director role to join the firm because it was sold as a position that would quickly escalate to "director" level. Obviously that hasn't happened and I am now in the job market in a dreadful time!

I have two offers that are both lesser roles than I had four years ago, and part of me says, "it's a job" and the other part of me says, "hold out" otherwise my resume will suffer for the future ... which part of me should I follow?? Do you think that future employers will understand that the market pushed me into this situation? I could hold out until mid-Jan but everything is slowing down for holiday.

-- Designer

Dear Designer,

I think that in the future employers will look at this recessionary period and completely understand what the deal was when people were laid off, unemployed or underemployed. Sadly, it's becoming such a common story that everyone can understand it. Read more about whether or not to take certain job offers...

Your Career Coach

Principal Rights?

Dear Michele,

I am a contractor at a school district. My question is: Do you think my principal has any right to ask me how much I make? I think she cannot but my colleague thinks it is okay because I am not part of the union nor does she control my salary. Who is right? I felt it was harassment and am uneasy around her now.

-- School Daze

Dear Daze,

Take a good look at your contract. Who's your key point of contact? Who's your contract manager? If this person is your principal then she can ask you about your salary. Take a good look, too, at why you feel harassed when she asked. What's up with that? How would you feel if the reason the principal asked about your pay was because she thinks you deserve to be extremely well-paid and wanted to suggest a raise? Sometimes an uneasy reaction is really a trigger of our own emotions and our own "stuff". Look hard at that, and you may find that you no longer feel uneasy around the principal, or about appropriately discussing money.

Your Career Coach

Tackling Your Strengths

Dear Michele,

How do you best analyze your strengths to access the right career?

-- Wonder Woman

Dear Wonder,

I LOVE this question! Makes me all tingly to just consider the fabulous journey that uncovering strengths promises. OK. It's an inquiry process, so you're going to be asking yourself a ton of questions. Get a piece of paper and a pen. Ready? Here we go. Read more about tackling your strengths...

Your Career Coach

Laid-Off and Worried

Dear Michele,

I relocated to the Los Angeles area from Austin Texas in January of 2008 due to a lay-off and have yet to find employment. My field of expertise is in the banking industry working in such departments as mortgage lending and Account Executive for second liens. I am also a business banking specialist. Since moving to LA I have been rejected in the lending arena due to the housing crisis, I was nixed in the banking aspect because of bank closures and mergers as well. I have even been to several agencies to find employment but after numerous interviews I am considered too over qualified.

During my struggle I have been repeatedly asked to dummy down my resume, because at this point I am now looking for any kind of employment to make ends meet. Isn't making less of my accomplishments or even omitting them the same as lying? I am at the point of desperation and could really use your help.

       -- Lost in LA

Dear Lost,

First, let me say that I am really sorry that you're in this position. It's a tough time to be looking for a job - even tougher to find something in the financial services sector. What I suggest is this: Step back and inventory your "macro skills," rather than looking at yourself solely as a banking industry pro. What is it that you know how to do?
Manage projects with many moving parts? Are you detail oriented? A good manager of people? Able to translate complicated materials into understandable layman's terms? Get really clear on your big picture strengths, then make sure your resume features *those* rather than banking industry jargon. Read more about feeling lost...

Your Career Coach

Drop and Give Me 20

Dear Michele,

I think I need guidance. I recently moved from the Seattle area to Orlando where, once settled, I would like to get into the work force, part-time. My goal is to utilize my field of experience with a B.S. in Athletic Training and being a long distance runner. I would like to get my certification in Personal Training and simply work around my daughter's pre-school schedule. I have a 2-year-old little guy that would need childcare. I want to work in a gym that offers childcare for employees. I am afraid that just buying a home in a new area will force me to take any job. My question is: What is the best way to "market" myself in a manner that will direct me to my goal? I hope this is a legitimate question and not wasting your time.

-- Trainer

Dear Trainer,

You asked a great question! It's certainly legit, and let me give you a legit answer -- marketing yourself to gyms and spas as a skilled person (your degree in Athletic Training/your experience as a distance runner) who wants to further her education with a Personal Training certification ... doesn't get much better than that! Ask yourself: What are gyms and spas looking for? Bet they're looking for someone just like you. Read more about marketing yourself...

Your Career Coach

Losing Weight Once and For All

Dear Michele,

I have been trying for 13 years to take off 40 pounds. I am 52 years old and something inside me stops when I am doing well.

I lost my first husband in a plane crash and was devastated and then remarried and that man had an affair on me. I think I am afraid of being hurt again and use the weight for a defense mechanism. Can you give me some advice to help break this cycle?

-- Help

Dear Help,

My good pal Brooke Castillo happens to be one of America's leading weight loss coaches (she's also the author of the great book If I Am So Smart, Why Can't I Lose Weight?). I asked Brooke for her advice and here's what she said:

Read more about losing weight...

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