Have a dilemma at work that you just can't get your arms around? Dealing with difficult people? Stuck in your cubicle? Dating your boss? Unhappy? Want out? Lucky for you, Master Certified Coach Michele Woodward is here to answer all your career-related questions and help steer you in the direction of a happier and more effective life.

Michele is a leading coach and speaker who's worked with hundreds of people and workplaces, and she's the author of Lose Weight, Find Love, De-Clutter & Save Money: Essays on Happier Living. She'll use every tool she has in her vast coaching tool belt to answer your question.

So go ahead, toss her your toughest stuff. The answers just might change your life.

Michele strives to live a balanced and happy life yet tries to answer all your questions within 14 days of receiving them. Imagine that.

Disclaimer: This website is for entertainment purposes only. The opinions expressed on this website are the views of individual writers and internet users and are not necessarily the views of BettyConfidential.com and/or Desha Productions, Inc. The content on this website is not a substitute for medical, psychiatric, or any other health services, and any individual requiring the care or supervision of a health care professional should seek professional assistance immediately.

Coach me...if you can

Is My Fashion Career Dead?

Dear Michele,

I once had a great career in the New York fashion industry, and even had my own fashion company for four years, which I gave up to have a family. I'd like to go back to work after my second child is born, but we have moved to San Francisco, where it's hard to find good-paying fashion work. My former assistants in New York and Los Angeles are making six-figure salaries, and I can't even get an interview at The Gap! My husband suggested I take an administrative job, but this type of work doesn't pay much and I'm scared I'll lose my creative edge. Should I continue to follow my fashion career goals, or should I make a career switch?

- Fashion Victim

Dear Fashion,

Do you know that 70 percent of jobs are filled by personal referral? It's true. So your network of contacts (your former assistants who are doing so well in New York, as well as others) is a gold mine. People who know you and know how well you work are great "agents" on your behalf. When you're pregnant, or a new mom, networking is even more crucial. A referral from someone who knows and respects you can help secure a part-time job or flexible work.

The other suggestion I have for you is to consider related-to-but-not-in the fashion industry. I have a friend who moved from the garment business into the wholesale interior design fabric business. His aesthetic and style sense were great assets that made the transition so much easier. Are there places that could use your aesthetic sense, your entrepreneurial drive AND accommodate your family? Brainstorm some "allied industries" and broaden your search.

Bottom line: looking for a job while pregnant or while caring for small children can be a challenge - all the more reason to totally lead with your strengths.

Coach me...if you can

What Do Coaches Do?

Dear Michele,

What do coaches, such as you, actually do? Are you involved in coaching for career academics? Could you help someone with the submission of scientific papers, grants, presentations, etc.?

- Academic Annie

Dear Annie,

I haven't done work in the academic area, but the basics of coaching are easily transferable to the kind of work you mention. A good coach will help you understand yourself and your objective. She will help you identify and overcome any self-imposed boundaries that hold you back. She will help you find strategies and workable timelines to do what it is you want to do. But... the coach will not do the work for you. If you expect a coach to place a paper, obtain a grant, or write your presentation on your behalf, you will be disappointed. To get that stuff done, you'll need a graduate assistant. :-)

Coach me...if you can

Do I Need A Crystal Ball, Or What?

Dear Michele,

I have been working for three years since I left university in a variety of IT consultancy roles within a large blue-chip company. I decided I had had enough of the travel and being away from home four days of the week, so I changed to a sales job. But I have also found this role to be disappointing. Where should I look to get career advice about what would drive me, or help me find new areas in which I can excel -- without spending a fortune?

- Questioning Soul

Dear Soul,

Of course, I can say, "Hire yourself a good career coach" because I know how much a skilled coach can help you get clear about what you're good at -- and help you make a plan to get more of that in your career. Go to the International Coach Federation's website  and use their searchable database to find a qualified coach in your area. You'll be surprised at the range of fees coaches offer. If you're more a do-it-yourself-er, go to the library and look at books like "What Color Is Your Parachute," or one of my favorites, "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was," written the funny and talented Barbara Sher. Bottom line: take the time to know and accept yourself -- strengths and weaknesses -- and you will figure out what drives you. Good luck.

Coach me...if you can

Does The Past Haunt Me?

Dear Michele,

I'm an unemployed single mom and would like to go into the pharmacy industry. I don't know where to start as I have no degree and also have a criminal record for doing something stupid -- not drug-related - nearly 11 yrs ago. I'm just wondering if that would hinder me if I chose this profession. Any suggestions?

Dear Wondering,

You'd have to check the employment laws in your state or country to see if having a criminal record would disqualify you from becoming a pharmacist. Pharmacist training can be long, and often requires an undergraduate degree. However, in the immediate term, you might be able to become a clerk in a pharmacy -- running the cash register, helping the pharmacist with paperwork, and other support kinds of tasks. Go to local pharmacies and check to see if they have any positions available. If you continue to enjoy the pharmacy industry, you could tackle getting your degree, and become a pharmacist, or pursue other avenues, such as pharmaceutical sales. Good luck!

Coach me...if you can

HELP! My Job Sucks

Dear Michele,

OK, so I have been in restaurant management for nearly 20 years. I recently got divorced. I'm now in a great place; I have a new man, my children are happy, my house is great, everything is great. But, I'm still working 70 or more hours a week. I wish I had time to even think about finding a new job, but what? I have a bachelor's degree in psychology -- big deal. I'm still paying off student loans! I'm not even in it for the money. I just want to find a good balance between work and family. Money is great, but I'd be happier paying my bills and being home to enjoy the ones I love. Any career advice?

- What Next?

Dear What,

OK, sounds like you've done a good job getting your personal life in order -- let me give you your props for that -- and now it's time to get the work part on track. The best work doesn't feel like work at all, so make an inventory of what you really love doing. Don't edit yourself -- just list all your favorite things, work-related or not. Then step back. See any patterns? Anything link up? For instance, you may say you like choosing paint colors for your home, and you like stenciling, and you absolutely love fabrics. Hmmm, I see... custom house painter or interior design. You may say you like connecting with people, making a difference and competition, and I would say, how about sales? See how it works? Give it a try. Your next career might be right there -- on your list of what you love doing.

Coach me...if you can

Should I Leave London?

Dear Michele,

I am currently in a well-paid role as director of marketing at a leading art school in London. I am currently single and 45 years old. I'm sick of the rat race and life in London. I'd like to run my own business as an interior designer or open my own art gallery. I am considering relocating to the area where I am from originally (my parents still live there). I could rent my flat out but I will still have some debts to pay off (credit card/loan). How can I make this transition? Is it a wise thing to do in today's economic climate? I would like to be in a more sociable/community environment and increase my chances of meeting Mr. Right as well.

- Ready for a Change

Dear Ready,

Why not plan an extended holiday in the area where you'd like to relocate? Take time to visit local art galleries, interior design firms and the like -- and take notes on the whole vibe and feel of the community. Do the places you visit look prosperous? Do the people seem happy? More importantly, do they seem like people you'd like to socialize with? While you're there, check out the nightlife, too, and read the local newspapers for upcoming events. Is the pace what you'd like? Do folks seem to enjoy their community? Take all the data you collect and evaluate whether it's the right place for you. If so, I imagine the rest of the details will arrange themselves. If it's not the right place, continue taking weekend trips or holidays, testing out different locations until you find the one that makes you happy and comfortable. You'll know its right when you feel that way -- and Mr. Right is likely to live just around the corner!

Coach me...if you can

What's A PhD To Do?

Dear Michele,

I got my PhD in Philosophy from Sudan and moved to the UK two years ago. My English is not that good, which limits what I can do here. I am 35 years old and need to work. What kinds of jobs should I look for?

 - Doctor of Philosophy

Dear Doc,

The Sudanese people who I know are a very close community, and work hard to insure the success of their countrymen. Could you contact your embassy and inquire about positions that play to your strengths? Like teaching, for instance, or cultural affairs. Network within the Sudanese community in your area, too. In the short run, you may want to tutor youngsters in your language, or in Sudanese culture and heritage, or in art, or any other area of interest to you. Plan to take courses to improve your English, too. Many colleges or towns offer free or low-cost language classes to people who want to master the language. Take this step now to improve your professional opportunities in the future.

Coach me...if you can

Lights! Cameras! Fashion!

Dear Michele,

I am 51, married with no kids, and two cats. I love fashion and creating my own style. Is there anything I can do to get in to this field?

- Fashionista

Dear Fash,

You have several options. First, take a look at your education and your skills. Do you have what it takes to walk into a designer's studio and go right to work? If not, you may want to look at fashion/garment/design certificate programs offered by colleges and universities in your area. Certificate programs run for six months to a year, and are a great way to get quick knowledge about a specific area.

Are you entrepreneurial? If you'd like to start your own fashion line, or sell your own creations, perhaps a certificate in small business would help. But the easiest way to get into the field is to get a job working in your favorite shop or store and learn everything you can about the business. It's like a paid internship! The knowledge you gain will help steer you in the right direction.

Coach me...if you can

How to Manage Gen-Yers

Dear Michele,

I own a small interior design firm and recently hired a young (20-year-old) woman to do light clerical work part-time. I don't know if things have changed since I was 20 or what, but I'm having a hard time figuring out how to manage and motivate this girl. She brings all of her personal-relationship drama into the office, wears inappropriate clothing and has a slack attitude about her hours. Other than that, she's really bright, enthusiastic and has a ton of potential. I worry that she is not going to have that great of a career if she doesn't change. How can I help her be a better employee and person?

- Prof. Henrietta Higgins

Dear Hen,

Now is the time for you to start seeing yourself as a teacher, rather than as a boss. In my coaching practice, I see quite a few young women who have never had a professional mentor or role model -- you can be this for her. Believe me, in time this young woman will look back and thank her lucky stars that you took the time to care for and invest in her.

Start by gently correcting her on something, like her clothing. You can explain to her that clients expect their interior designers to show creativity, but that it's important to have sleeves on our tops, cover our navels, and wear shoes -- not flip-flops -- on our feet. She may never have been given this kind of feedback because she may have never had an office job.

Feel free to share stories of your first job and what you had to learn -- she'll drink that information in like a sponge, and it will make you more human and real to her. Also, encourage her to ask questions, and find time to relate to her one-on-one. My guess is that she'll grow and thrive under your tutelage.

Coach me...if you can

Who's Your Daddy?

Dear Michele,

What do you do when a co-worker talks baby talk and does not perform her job, except when the boss is around?

- A Grown-Up

Dear Grown-Up,

You call her on it. "What's with the baby talk, Madison?" Or, "Where's the Framastan contract, Madison? Your part is due."

Sounds to me like your co-worker expects to be babied, so perhaps she's actually getting babied by those around her. Somewhere along the line she has learned that she can get what she wants by being childlike (could it be that what she really wants is for other people to "take care" of her by doing her work?)

What has been learned can be unlearned, though. Simply make it more rewarding for her to be a grown-up than for her to be a baby. That means, praise her when she's talking normally, and ignore her when she launches into her baby act. It takes two to participate in her little drama -- and you can exit, stage left.

Coach me...if you can

Starting a Business

Dear Michele,

I have always dreamed of having my own business and I'm finally in the position to do so because I have enough money saved to live on for about one year. The problem is that I can't figure out what kind of business to start. Any ideas?

- Entrepreneur-wannabe

Dear Be,

Congratulations on banking enough money to start realizing your dream. Let's do a little dream interpretation, OK?

What do you do when you lose track of time? Is there anything you've always said, "Boy, if I won the lottery, I'd..."? What are things you do that don't feel like work?

The answers to these questions may just begin to point you in the right direction. Because when you build your business on the things you love and are passionate about -- work won't feel like work. It will feel like joy. That's when you know you are in the right place, doing absolutely the right thing.

Good luck!

Coach me...if you can

P-U! Someone Has B.O.!

Dear Michele,

I manage a small medical office with two doctors and eight staff. We all get along really well, but recently a new employee has raised a stink in the office. Literally, she has strong body odor and it's affecting all of us. Several patients have mentioned it, too.

I have tried hinting and prompting discussions about how often people shower... but she's not taking the hint. How do I tell her it's time for some bathing and a good deodorant? I really don't want to embarrass her.

- Sniffy

Dear Sniffy,

When you say, "I don't want to embarrass her," what I really hear is that you don't want to embarrass yourself by having a difficult conversation. You don't know how the employee will take your conversation about her B.O., do you? Maybe she has no idea. Maybe she'll be grateful. Maybe she will thank you. You won't know how she'll take it until she hears you.

So, to have a difficult conversation, first be clear about what it is you want to convey. Practice it so you can say it easily. Start off by acknowledging that it's a hard topic to discuss, but then be very, very clear -- say something like, "This is a hard thing to bring up, but several patients and some of us have noticed that you have a very strong body odor. I need to ask you to use a deodorant every day before you come into work."

Second, make sure she understands the message you are conveying. Asking, "Do you understand what I'm saying?" gives her a chance to reiterate your feedback. Finally, end the conversation with an affirmation that she's doing a good job, you enjoy having her in the office and attending to this one thing will just be great. Doing all of this with great warmth and compassion in your heart will make it all so much easier. For you both.

Coach me...if you can

Woman Entrepreneur Seeks a Mentor

Dear Michele,

Do you know of any websites that provide mentors to women if they have questions about, or seek advice for, their home-based business?

- Wondering

Dear Wondering,

The best online resources for women-owned businesses are:

The Office of Women's Business Ownership at the Small Business Administration

National Association of Women Business Owners

Association of Women's Business Centers

Each of these organizations can direct you to free or low-cost learning and mentoring in your area. And sometimes working with an experienced career coach who specializes in women's business can really jumpstart your business.

To find a career coach, go to the International Coach Federation and search their membership list.

Coach me...if you can

Coping with and recovering from sexual discrimination

Dear Michele,

I am a female physician who worked for a large HMO where I was a victim of sexual discrimination. I was also retaliated against because I reported several practices which were below the standard of care. The HMO makes all its physicians sign a contract binding them to arbitration, and I'd been well-advised that the process is skewed toward the HMO since they pay for it. Being a wife and mother, I felt I couldn't put my family through a process that would undoubtedly be lengthy, costly, and make me lose complete faith in humanity. Have others found ways to bring awareness to sexual discrimination without retaliation? How do I recover spiritually and professionally from a brutal experience?

- White Coat Sister

Dear Sister, 

First let me say that I am so sorry you had to face this situation, and that the remedy available didn't give you the relief you so clearly sought. How have other women dealt with discrimination? It's been a long, tough slog. Let's not forget that women got the right to vote not even 100 years ago. Our fore-mothers made incredible progress, leveling the playing field for those who've come after them, but there's still a long way to go. In my book, discrimination only flourishes in the darkness, so it's up to each of us to shed the bright light that stops discrimination in its tracks. We do this by speaking up, by empowering others to change, and by using any legal means necessary to obtain justice. We also do this by leaving discriminatory organizations and finding or founding new ones -
organizations that reflect openness and opportunity for everyone. Have you considered finding a new avenue to practice medicine?

And, as to your question about recovering...I am a firm believer that the path to peace after (or during!) a traumatic, wrenching experience is to work with an able therapist who understands how to help people move into a new, more fulfilling, inspiring life. If you haven't done so already, I urge you to find a counselor and begin your journey toward healing.

Coach me...if you can

Rocket Reentry No. 1

Dear Michele,

I'm a 38-year-old stay-at-home mom. My children are 15, 13 and 11. My husband's career is coming to a crossroads, and I need to find a job. The problem is I don't know what to do! I have a degree in public relations, but I only worked for nine months before I got married and moved from pillar to post with my Navy husband. My children are my passion, so I need a schedule that allows me to spend time with them. I've worked as a substitute teacher for six years, and I like it, but I know how overworked and underappreciated (not to mention underpaid!) teachers are. I'd like to become a librarian, but we really can't afford for me to go back to school. I also love to cook and bake - making a mouthwatering meal relaxes me and fills me with satisfaction. Any advice?

- Floundering

Dear Floundering,

My rule of thumb: Always do what you love and are passionate about. Since you love to cook and bake, could you start a catering business or, even better, one of those businesses that delivers home-cooked meals to frazzled working parents? What a gold mine! Plus, the schedule is flexible and your kids can help you cook and run the business - giving them great skills for their futures. If you're strapped for money, perhaps you could take a part-time job while you build the catering business - again, showing your kids what ingenuity and resilience is all about. I think you could have a real win-win on your hands!

Coach me...if you can

Rocket Reentry No. 2

Dear Michele,

I'm in my 50s and am seeking to start a career. I spent a lot of time being a caregiver to my elderly parents. I'd like to use my experience to begin a career in gerontology. Can you give me some advice on how to reach this goal and how to put together a proper resume?

- Better Late Than Never

Dear Better Late,

Approximately 70 percent of jobs are filled by personal referral. As a first step, touch base with your parents' doctors, nurses or other medical staff and ask them what type of jobs are most needed in gerontology. Find out what kind of training is required for those jobs and select something that has a manageable training time frame for your needs. Who knows, perhaps the professionals you talk with are in a position to hire you! To get help with your resume, find out if there's a Women's Center in your community; you can usually find one through your local government office or community college. They often help women entering the workforce put together a resume free of charge.

Coach me...if you can

Gen-Y Gets a job

Dear Michele,

I'm a recent college graduate who has just moved to a new city. I don't know anyone, and I am looking for employment. I worked as a server at restaurants through college, and since I just graduated, I'm seeking an entry-level job to start my career. Since I'm new to the area, I'm not familiar with the community and its businesses, making it tough to network. And then there's that dilemma that exists no matter where you live - how to get a decent job without much experience, and how to get experience without a job? I'm tempted to go back to waitressing, but I really want to jump-start a career. Any advice?

- Newly Minted

Dear Minted,

If you sleep eight hours a night (and since you're a recent college grad, maybe you get less than that!), you have precisely sixteen hours a day left to accomplish your objectives. You could waitress for a six-hour shift and still have ten hours a day to look for a "real" job. So, here's what you do: Get a great waitressing job (think tips!) to pay the bills. Meanwhile, identify the field you want to work in and the businesses in your new community who do that work. Start to network with those businesses by going to Chamber of Commerce events or charity events that the businesses support. Do research on your target businesses so you'll be able to talk a good game. The bonus: While you're doing all this, you'll learn a lot about your new community. It won't take long before you fit in and find the right job for you.

Coach me...if you can

Recession Fears

Dear Michele,

I'm getting really freaked out by the economy. It seems like everything's getting more expensive, and I'll bet I'm not going to get a raise this year. I might even get fired. Is there anything I can do to stop stressing?

- Worried in Wichita

Dear Worried,

I hear you. When you watch TV or read the papers, all you see is rising gas prices, rising food costs, falling home values, doom and gloom. You think everyone in the world will soon be standing in a soup line. But you may be in okay shape. It's time to take a hard look at your own finances, not the finances of the people on TV. Get bank statements for your checking account and look over the past three months - where did you spend your money? See any patterns? Are you running a deficit or a surplus? If it's a surplus, good for you. Keep up what you're doing. If it's a deficit, notice how much you spend for coffee or eating out or buying clothes. Then think for a second: Can you reallocate those funds to pay for higher gas costs? Can you shift some of your spending to support your biggest priorities? Sometimes all it takes to combat stress is knowing the truth about what's going on, and then making positive steps to take care of yourself.

Coach me...if you can

Is it Time to Change Jobs?

Dear Michele,

I'm burned out at my job, but with the economy the way it is, I'm not sure now is the time to leave. What if I quit and don't find something else? I really don't want to stay any longer than I have to.

- Job Hopper Wannabe

Dear Wannabe,

First, don't leave a job unless: 1) you have another one to go to, or 2) you compromise your integrity so much each day that you live as a miserable hulking shell of your former self. Even if you choose option No. 2, it's still better to have another job lined up, especially in an uncertain economic climate. How to find a new job? First, figure out what it is you want to do. Was your current job ever fun and rewarding? If so, what were the elements in place at that time? What were you doing? What kind of job is most like that now? Update your resume - which is really just your personal selling sheet - so it reflects what you want to do, and start talking to people about your next job. (Note how I didn't refer to it as networking, because that word seems to give people the heebie-jeebies.) But more than 70 percent of jobs are filled by personal referral (another euphemism for networking), so please use this powerful tool to help find your next job. Soon, even if the economy tanks, you'll be referred to a fulfilling job that uses your best skills - and won't that be great?

Coach me...if you can

How to Fire Someone?

Dear Michele,

Recently, it has become apparent that someone on my team needs to be fired. As his direct supervisor, is it my job to deliver the news? How should I handle it? I'm so nervous that he's going to yell or break down or sue the company for something I said. What should I do? We're a very small company, so it's not like I can ask the HR department to do it (because we don't have one!).

- Firefighter

Dear Firefighter,

Let me start by bucking you up: You can do this. Firing people is so hard - there are all those emotions and unpredictable outcomes. It gives everyone the willies. So, here's how you do it efficiently and well: Get your supervisor to sit with you before the firing meeting and run through how you'll deliver the news. Since you don't have an HR department, running through a script with your boss will ensure that you aren't violating any laws or opening the company up to legal action. Have your boss sit with you in the firing meeting too. She doesn't have to say anything; her mere presence will indicate to the employee that there's no use appealing up the ladder. Finally, make the firing conversation short, to the point and firm. Be clear about why it happened and what the employee can expect from the company in terms of severance and future recommendations. Good luck.

Coach me...if you can

Fish or cut Bait?

Dear Michele,

Just like you, I am a coach. I've been coaching on the side while continuing to work a full-time job. When will I know it's time for me to quit my day job and coach full-time?

- Fellow Coach

Dear Coach,

Coaching can be a great career. In deciding whether to go full-time, ask yourself these questions: Am I comfortable enough with marketing to generate enough business to support myself? Am I entrepreneurial enough to develop other lines of business to support my coaching and increase my revenue? Do I have enough savings to stake my business for six months? Can I get my own health insurance? Can I work by myself or am I better as part of a team? Can I manage my books and cash flow? Do I want to have my own business?

If this course of inquiry reveals that you're happier when working with others in a structured environment, then keep your day job - and maybe cut back your hours (if you can) to make time to do more coaching until you find the proper balance. You can be a successful coach while working in an office - in fact, your coaching skills may just make you the best manager anyone has ever seen!

Coach me...if you can

Balancing Work and Life

Dear Michele,

Is it really possible to balance work and life, or is that just something people say? I'm in that "sandwich generation," working a demanding job while caring for ailing parents as well as school-age kids. There's not much time left for me or my husband. I'm stressed and frazzled. How do I find the balance?

- Out of Whack

Dear Whack,

When you're in the middle of a crisis, it's very hard to imagine the situation will ever change. But believe me: Someday your kids will grow up and move away, and someday your parents will, sadly, pass on. It may give you comfort to remind yourself that "this, too, shall pass" and accept both the anxiety and the great gifts in your situation as it stands today. On a practical level, try these things to relieve some of the stress:

1. Take brief breaks for yourself. Go for a walk. Read a magazine. Talk with a friend on the phone. Even 15 minutes can be refreshing - and can recharge your batteries.

2. Build a support group for yourself. Talk with other caregivers so you can share your experiences and learn from theirs.

3. Share the load. You're only alone in this if you allow yourself to be. Find people to give you "respite care," such as those who can come in for an hour or two so you can attend to other things you may have put off to care for your loved one. Giving other people a chance to show they love and care for the person in need can be a great gift for everyone.

4. Acknowledge that what you're doing is hard. Give yourself credit for doing the best you can. It's tough to accept that you might not be able to "fix" the situation, because we all can go to the place where we're superhuman and "should be able to make this work," but sometimes we just can't. Being able to acknowledge that is a step toward maintaining your own balance.

Coach Me...If You Can

I Love My Boss - Is That A Problem?

Dear Michele,

My situation is a little complicated. I have a good job and have been dating my boss for the past six months. He's great and, if anything, our work has gotten better since we get along so well. I've never been with a man who has treated me so well. The problem is that he's married. His wife doesn't work, and all she seems to want from him is his money. They don't even sleep together any more. My friends tell me I'm stupid to continue going out with him because he'll never leave his wife for me. He's 47 and I'm 27. What do you think? Should I wait?

-- Waiting to Exhale

Dear Exhaler,

Oh, boy, have I been waiting for this question to pop into the old inbox. The story of a younger woman dating her older boss has been around since the invention of offices. Here are the statistics for you to consider: 75 percent of men do not marry their affair partner. Of the 25 percent who do marry, 70 percent end up in divorce. If your older man has a history of other affairs, the likelihood of divorce rises to 90 percent. Yep. 90 percent. You already know the lecture about getting involved with a married man, blah, blah, blah, so you won't hear it from me. Look at the numbers. Not such great odds, huh? Your best bet, my friend, is to find a new job, end the relationship, and work on dating men who are 100 percent available.

Coach Me...If You Can

How To Become A Supervisor

Dear Michele,

My company only seems to give promotions to people that supervise a staff. I've never had the opportunity to supervise anyone - how do I get that experience?

- I Want to Be Promoted

Dear Soon to Be Promoted,

First, congratulations on figuring out what it takes to get promoted in your company. Recognizing that is the first step to getting promoted. The best way to get supervisory experience is to volunteer for it. If there's a new project that comes in the door, make sure to ask your boss to give you a shot at managing both the project and the team. If that's not possible, offer to manage the team developing the next office party, retreat or volunteer activity. Allow yourself to be seen as a leader in some area of your work life and you'll be considered a leader - and given leadership opportunities.

Coach Me...If You Can

Breadwinner's Rights?

Dear Michele,

One of my male colleagues recently got married and had a baby. It was mentioned in a pay discussion that he should get more because he's taking care of a family now. How will single women ever make equal pay if these attitudes still exist in the workplace?

- Is Pay Parity Possible?

Dear Parity,

If you're at the point in your career where you're involved in pay discussions then it's clear that you have some stature and clout within your organization. When a comment like that is made, you have the power to pipe up and say, "I disagree. Kate also takes care of a family and we're not discussing a raise for her. I thought our approach was to give raises based on accomplishment and merit, not status." Research has shown that women are less likely than men to negotiate, or even ask, when it comes to salary and benefits. Single women, or female breadwinners for that matter, will never achieve pay parity unless they open their mouths, stand up for themselves, and ask for what they deserve.

Coach Me...If You Can

Hurry Up and Decide Already

Dear Michele,

I work as a freelance writer and am fortunate to have a very full book of business. My problem is that I'll often submit a proposal for a project (at the request of the client) and not hear from them for weeks, even months. I'll check in for a status update, but either I don't get a response or I get "We'll have an answer soon." I end up taking on other projects since I have to make a living and can't just "hold" time for these clients. What often happens at that point is the client finally ends up calling to say "OK, let's go!" and, after so much time has passed, my schedule is booked. How can I better manage this - and preferably, prevent it - without disappointing my clients and potentially losing their business in the future?

- Proposer

Dear Proposer,

Seems like there are two things you can do. First, ask "When do you intend to start this project? How firm is that start date?" Second, you could add a paragraph to your proposal that says something like: "The terms of this proposal are valid for 30 days. If you decide to commence work after (a firm date based on what you know), the terms of this proposal may need to be re-evaluated due to time and availability." Hey, you're the writer! Write something that says exactly what you want to convey. One way or the other, you need to be in charge of your work - clearly stating your intentions at the outset will go a long way toward getting you there.

Coach Me...If You Can

Can A Raise Wait?

Dear Michele,

Can I ask for a raise in the middle of the year or should I wait until annual increase season to make my expectations known?

- Money Changes Everything

Dear Everything,

The first day I came back from maternity leave, I found out that everyone in my peer group had been promoted - but not me. I calmly walked into the office of the big cheese, reminded her of my contributions and commitment, and asked if I could be promoted, too. "Certainly!" she said. "What an oversight!" I negotiated a nice raise and a great job title change. So, sure you can ask for a raise whenever you want. However - make certain you can back your request up with specific instances where you've saved the company money, brought in clients, or made a big difference in an important outcome. Many women make the mistake of asking for a raise because they "deserve it" or "want it." Make the business case first, and you'll almost always get what you want.

Coach Me...If You Can

Mean Boys

Dear Michele,

One of my teammates is always making comments about women in the office that leave "early" to manage childcare. I don't really think the women leave earlier but his constant commentary is perpetuating a false perception that women with children aren't committed. Should I say something? (BTW, I don't have kids.)

- Office Annie

Dear Annie,

One of the best responses to your teammate is one of my favorite questions of all time: "Is that true?" When he says, "Kristin leaves early every day because of her rug rats. Wish I could do that!" you can say, "Huh. Kristin leaves at 6 p.m. every day, Fred. I don't know what you're talking about. Isn't that when you leave, too?" Of course, feel free to create your own version of "Is that true?" to deflate the story Fred's telling. Inaccuracy and gossip is only cured by truth. Plain and simple.

Coach Me...If You Can

 Back to School?

Dear Michele,
I'm a 56-year-old woman and would like to go back to school. Is this wise at my age?

- Late Learner

Dear Learner,

Let me give you the same answer my Economics 101 professor often gave: It depends. What do you want to study? Why do you want to study it? If you want to go back to school to study English literature because you're passionate about it, then go for it, honey. If you need to go back to school to sharpen your skills so you can advance in your job or switch to a new field, then choose a program that gives you exactly what you need to move ahead - like a six-month certificate program. If, however, you'd like to go to medical school to become a doctor not because you're passionate about medicine but because you think they make a ton of money... consider the time commitment and your age when you'd come out of the program. That plus your lack of passion - it's going to be a tough slog. Bottom line? Going back to school at any age to get training in something that interests you - and that you're on fire about - is always a good idea.

Coach Me...If You Can

I Could be a Bully

Dear Michele,

I just had my performance review and was told that I'm opinionated and that people don't like working with me. What's up with that? I have a lot of friends at work, although I don't socialize with them at lunch or after work. Sure, I have strong opinions and am not shy about voicing them, but people usually see how right I am and adopt my plan. I don't think I'm a bully. I'm just smart and generally right. What do you think? 

--Velvet Hammer

Dear Velvet,

How nice of you to ask me what I think, rather than telling me what I think! Thank you! Listen up: You've been given feedback in your performance review that there's a problem. So there's a problem. Sure, you could say that your supervisor is biased, never liked you, blah, blah, blah. Your supervisor is the supervisor. Take the feedback to heart and begin to observe your own behavior. Are you so committed to being right and appearing smart that you discount other people? What would happen if you accepted the idea that sometimes other people are right? Could that shift your approach and make you a better listener and someone other folks would like to work with? If the answer is yes, then take an index card and write "Other people are often right" on it, and keep it in your pocket. Refer to it frequently. Over time, you will change your way of being with other people and overcome your bullying tendencies.

Coach Me...If You Can

My Mother is my Boss

Dear Michele,

I work for a family-owned business that my mother has run for the last 25 years. I worked here in high school and college, and then I worked elsewhere for about 10 years. I only came back because my mother told me she needed me and promised that I would take over the business. However, now she won't even talk about transitioning out, and she won't let me make any changes to the business model. I've been working here for seven years. I'm really frustrated and it's affecting our relationship. I'm considering quitting but I know that would break my mother's heart. What should I do?

- Mother's Little Helper

Dear Little Helper,

What do you want your life to be like? Can you visualize the elements you'd like to have in your future? Write them down, and own them. Be honest with yourself: Does your visualization include running the business or not? After you figure this out, find a quiet moment alone with your mother - say over lunch or coffee - and bring your mother up to speed on what you'd like to have in your future. When she can see that your vision for your life and for her business are good and make you happy, my guess is that she'll be happy. If you don't want to run the business, that may be disappointing for her, but framing how you are going to achieve your happiness will likely appeal to her mother side. If you do want to take over the business, her understanding your plans may allow her to drop her fears that you're going to change everything and render everything she's created as meaningless. That can be a huge fear for business owners. Be loving, understanding and hopeful. You'll never lose with that approach. Good luck.

Coach Me...If You Can

Hold 'Em or Fold 'Em?

Dear Michele,

How do you know whether it's time to quit a job or to try harder to make it work?

- Bored or What?

Dear B or W?,

It's time to quit a job when you can look yourself in a mirror and say, "I tried everything I could to improve this situation." If, when you look in that mirror, your gut says, "You know what? You didn't actually try everything," then listen to your gut. A handy last-ditch thing to try is the exact opposite of whatever you have been trying. If you've tried subtle and tangential methods to get what you want, then try straightforward and direct conversations. If you've been running the boss down behind her back, try stopping that and see what happens. If, after diligent effort on your part, you realize that you don't like the person you're becoming or are required to be in your job, then by all means quit.

Coach Me...If You Can

Husband in Midlife Crisis

Dear Michele,

My husband is driving me crazy. He hates his job but won't quit. He wants to play bass guitar in a rock-and-roll band, but he won't pull a group together. He wants me to be with him all the time, but then he tells me I'm smothering him! All I want is for him to be happy - and a grown-up. Any advice?

- Middle-Aged Man's Wife

Dear Wife,

Ah, the joys of midlife. My best advice? It's his crisis - it doesn't have to be yours. It sounds like your husband is facing one of those passages that he has to tackle "mano a mano." So, womano, lovingly give him a ton of space. Figuratively pat him on the head and say, "I love you. You are a great man. I'll be in the next room if you need me." And go about living your best life. Sooner or later, he'll figure the whole thing out and be the great guy you know and love. Or an even more fabulous man you can fall in love with all over again. And, in the meantime, you'll be busy growing the part of your life that makes you happy.

Coach Me...If You Can

Calling Peggy Lee. Miss Peggy Lee?

Dear Michele,

I'm 40 years old. I'm successful. I'm attractive. I have a nice house. I have a beautiful wife and two great kids. I've got a dog. This is the life I pictured having when I was a kid. But why does it feel so ... eh? I'm not as happy as I think I should be. What can I do to make my life more fulfilling?

- Is This All There Is?

Dear All There Is,

Know the quickest way to get happier? Volunteer for something. Professor Jon Haidt of the University of Virginia has written a neat book you might enjoy called The Happiness Hypothesis. In it, he talks about how happiness is built - and one of the most happy-making things you can do is to choose to do something that brings you a sense of accomplishment, a sense of pride, a sense of giving back. Take your kids and clean up a local park. Go by yourself and work in a soup kitchen. Good with your hands? How about joining Habitat for Humanity? The great thing about volunteering is the two-way gratitude flow: The people you're helping are so darn grateful, and you'll find yourself even more grateful for your own life in the process. Trust me - it's hard to be unfulfilled when you have a grateful heart.