Why I’m NOT Married
I’m single, I’m happy, and marriage isn’t anywhere near my list of things to do this week. Or next week. Or the week after.
It seems that the moment I graduated college, people started asking me when I was going to get married. By the time I had graduated college, I all ready had one engagement under my belt and wasn’t looking for another one. There I was, in my early 20s trying to figure out who I was, what I wanted and there was pressure to tie the knot. How can you even think of marrying anyone when you’re not sure who you are? I fluffed off the inquiries and kept on doing whatever it was I was doing at the moment.
I’m now at the age when people hear that I’m not married either then ask me if I’m gay, or if I hate men, or if I’m thinking of becoming the first Jewish nun. I’m not gay; I adore men; and I like sex too much to become a nun, Jewish or otherwise.
When I think of marriage, my first thought is “eh.” That’s it, just “eh.” Of course getting married would entail finding someone who’d ask me or someone I’d ask. Truthfully, I’m just too lazy to go out and find that someone.
I know! The horror! A woman who is not actively seeking a mate! Can you imagine! What is wrong with her? Absolutely nothing, except for the fact that I’m waay too lazy to strap on a pair of heels and go hunting for a guy to marry. I’m not a big game hunter. Looking for a guy can quickly turn from an adventure to a mission of desperation. A friend of mine once asked me if I put my mind to it would I be married now? I thought about it and realized that if I took the idea of getting married and treated it like a work project, I would probably be married. Thing is, I don’t want to be married for the sake of being married. It’s not that important to me.
I stopped being friends with a woman because the majority of her conversation consisted of the fact that she wasn’t married, that she needed to be married, and why she had to be married. Think major eye crossing 24/7. The incessant one-note conversation drove me up a wall. She would take a comment like, “I love your shoes,” and spin it to something bridal. I went from humoring her to pitying her to fantasizing about taking a shovel to her head to shut her up.
I dunno, but I’ve never been that type of gal who needed to be married. Funnily enough, that hasn’t stopped the proposals. Yup, I said proposals. I’ve been engaged a few times. Then I become unengaged.
I related this fact to another editor at an unnamed (by me) magazine. She wanted to know my secret to get guys to pop the question. I don’t have a secret. I have no idea what makes the guys I date want to propose to me, they just do. I’m so unaware of their intentions of making “it” permanent, that I’m blind-sided by their proposals. I once had a guy propose to me and I didn’t realize at the time he was proposing. I thought he wanted to raise poodles together. Literally.
When I told April and Lucia Peters (our amazing Associate Editor) the story, they couldn’t stop laughing. So here at Betty, we now refer to people who are getting married as “raising poodles.” As in, “Do you think Liam and Miley are really going to raise poodles or not?” Or, “Did you hear that Matthew and Camilla have decided to raise poodles! They made the decision over the weekend!”
Do I want to raise poodles with someone in my future? Hmmm, right now I don’t have to share closet space. I don’t have to make room for anyone in my bed, my house or anywhere. I can lie in bed and watch a Storage Wars marathon and no one complains. If I was married, I’d have to do so much stuff and as I’ve mentioned before, I’m lazy. So somebody would really have to light a fire under my butt to do a bunch of things that I don’t want to expend the energy on. I adore lolling around my bed doing nothing on a weekend morning. It’s too fabulous for words.
Being single doesn’t make me feel less than. Being single is honestly not something I normally think about. I’m so content the way I am right now, so happy that I just don’t care. Okay, I’m thinking about it (being single) now because I’m writing about it. But … will I crumble into dust if I’m never, ever, ever married? Nope.
I’ve never bought in to the ideal that you need someone to complete you. Here’s where I get on my soapbox: If you need someone to fill that aching hole you feel you have inside you, please understand something — no one and nothing is going to make you feel like a complete person except you. Fact is, if you stick all the responsibility of your happiness and self-worth on someone else, you will make them crazy. Crazy tends to grow feet and run screaming into the night.
The best relationships, friendships, partnerships and marriages work when you’ve got two people who like each other and most importantly like themselves.
If I ever get off my duff and find a guy who makes me laugh, makes me think, makes my knees weak and is willing to go to comic book stores, flea markets and bad movies with me, I’d like to have that relationship last a good long time. As for marriage with said guy? Hmmm, I don’t know if I’m the poodle-raising type.
PJ Gach is Senior Editor: Style + Beauty at BettyConfidential.