Why Do Guys Talk About Themselves SO Much on a First Date?
How “First Date Braggers” turn a potentially fun time into a torturous, never-ending story about themselves.
I was wondering how he was able to breathe. He had been talking non-stop for most of the night, covering every topic under the sun: his job, his family life, where he vacations, how big his apartment is, what languages he can speak, and now, as if he’s finally running out of things to say, what he was like in high school. Which was 10 years ago.
I smiled and nodded as he went on and on and on (“I was captain of the baseball team and was awarded top honors in National Honors Society…”), but really, I had tuned out about an hour ago. If there’s one thing I can’t stand on a first date, it’s a guy who talks way too much about himself. I don’t know if it’s caused by nerves or the desire to impress, but if I have to wonder about your ability to breathe, then it doesn’t matter. The date is NOT going well.
I’d like to say that my encounter with this “First Date Bragger” was the first of its kind, but unfortunately, there have been plenty of guys before him who’ve done the same thing. The date starts off well until I realize, wow, he hasn’t asked me one question yet and his eyes are roaming around the room in disinterest when I finally have a chance to say something. Am I on a date or cramming for a pop quiz on his life story?
Maybe it’s just me, but I think conversation on a first date should come naturally. It should be a languid back and forth where one person shares something, then the other relates to that story, asks a question, or offers up something new. I’m not expecting to learn everything about you right then and there – it’s just a chance to feel one another out to see if we hit it off or have romantic potential.
And, nothing crushes romantic potential faster with me than a guy who brags about himself. I don’t want to hear about how big your apartment is, how much money you’re making, or how popular you were in high school. It makes it sound like you’re trying to prove something to me, which goes against the “natural” feel of the date. Talk to me instead about what makes you tick: the things you love to do on the weekends, what music you listen to, something funny that made you laugh yesterday… and then pay attention when I tell you about the same things.
That’s my biggest qualm about “First Date Braggers” – if you’re doing all the talking, you’re not learning anything at all about me other than the fact that I happen to be a great listener. So, when you say at the end of the night, “I had a great time,” and “would love to see you again,” I smile and nod like I’ve done for the past hour, then have to laugh the whole ride home.
I could’ve been a brick wall that you were talking to all night, and yet that was “a great time”? That’s truly funny, because it was not for me.
Tell us: Have you been on a date with a guy who talked too much about himself? How did you handle the situation?
Faye Brennan is senior editor at BettyConfidential.