Weinergate: Do Men Who Cheat WANT to Get Caught?
Is sloppy cyber cheating just a way of getting out of a marriage?
Forget about Congressman Anthony Weiner — he made his bed, and now he’s got to take his medicine. While he didn’t have actual physical relations with another woman, he had what most of us married women find much more intimate and gut-wrenching: emotional affairs of the heart. He engaged in phone calls, texts, and in a nutshell online adultery with a slew of other women. Just because he didn’t put his actual wiener in another woman, does it make what he did any less offensive and damaging to his wife and the sanctity of their marriage?
I asked my husband this very question — and then immediately laid down the law and explained to him that under no circumstances would “chatting, sexting or sending pictures of his male parts” to random women on the Internet ever be tolerated.
I asked him, “Why do men think it’s OK to sext and cheat online?”
And this is what he said, “Because it’s forbidden, it’s exciting, it’s the idea that you’re doing something without any physical consequences. You can’t get someone pregnant or catch a venereal disease via a text or tweet.”
And I guess I get it — but really, hasn’t Weiner been in this political game long enough to realize that any tweet, sext or online escapade will come back to haunt him? And he does this with a pregnant wife a home to boot?
Of course politicians aren’t the only men to engage in these types of online infidelities — the women on the receiving end are just as much to blame. That old saying “it takes two to tango” is true — you can’t engage in a one-sided affair. In fact, I’ve recently found out about several acquaintances whose own marriages have been torn to bits by this very kind of unfaithful behavior on the part of a spouse. And yet it always seems like said spouses, by leaving on a computer screen with a particular message, or “accidentally” tweeting a picture, is almost looking to get caught. It seems as if their careless behavior is simply a way to get out of their circumstances — to almost put the onus of having to expunge their activity on the unassuming partner.
And really in my opinion that’s just the coward’s way out. If you feel the need for a thrill, you want to be with someone else … don’t sneak around — tell your spouse you’re unhappy and leave … am I right?
Melissa Chapman blogs about her marriage and everything in between at www.marriedmysugardaddy.com. Her work has appeared in The Staten Island Advance, Care.com, ABC News, BlogHer, Baby Center, Momtourage, Lifetime Moms, Babble, The Washington Post, Time Out NY Kids and iVillage.