The Online Dating Newbie: This Is Why I Was Hesitant to Online Date
I’m only a few weeks in to my online dating experiment, and I’m already running into trouble.
Betty’s own assistant editor made the brave decision a few weeks ago to lose her online dating virginity and embark on an experiment looking for love (or just a fling) on the Internet. Here, she chronicles the frustrations, surprises, and excitement of shopping for a beau online, and shares her thoughts in an exclusive Betty video! (The online dating veteran’s experiences can be found here.)
It’s been a few weeks since I started my online dating experiment. I went from being an online dating virgin to having a profile on three different sites (Zoosk, DateBritishGuys, and HowAboutWe) overnight. Although I went into the venture feeling very optimistic, I can’t say I feel the same way now. I set out hoping to find cool guys to hang out with – maybe a hottie or two to casually date, or perhaps even something more serious if it got that far – but so far, not so good.
I’m running into some of the same obstacles and downfalls that used to be the reasons why I would “never” try online dating. Here’s what I’m having trouble with:
1. Defining myself.
When initially setting up my profile on these dating sites, I had a lot of trouble coming up with what to say in the “About Me” box, and I found it equally hard to choose a profile photo. I am so much more than what these profiles could ever project to a potential date – I can have a different look every day of the week, and I can’t sum myself up in 160 words or less. I feel the same way about my Facebook profile. What I post online is only a fraction of me (and for good reason), so if you think you know me just because we’re Facebook friends or because of what you read on my dating profile, think again.
Because of this, a guy who comes across my profile may instantly be turned off by one of the things I reveal about myself – whether it’s my favorite movie, my disdain for cats, or the fact that I don’t smoke. He’s only seeing bits and pieces of me, so that’s all he has to go on. But, if I were to meet this same guy in real life, he’d be finding out things about me more slowly, which might give him the chance to decide, “Yea, it sucks her favorite movie is that stupid chick flick The Girl Next Door, but her laugh totally makes up for it, and I want to find out more about her.”
2. Being shallow.
In the same respect, I am making split-second decisions on guys based solely on their profile pictures. If you don’t closely resemble my dream husband – blond hair, blue eyes, tanned and toned muscles, killer white smile – then sorry! I don’t care if you did “wink” at me, you’re just not my type.
I’m being way more shallow than I would if all of these guys were at a BBQ with me. In person, I’d look each one up and down, take note of how he talked, smiled, and interacted with others before making a final decision. And, even if I decided he wasn’t for me, he’d have the rest of the BBQ to do something that might really impress me – like play with the little kids there, or help out with the cooking. Too bad they don’t have that chance on the Internet!