You’ve spruced your love life up with a Brazilian wax. You’ve kegelled ‘til you’re crazy. You’ve even given yourself some va-va-voom with a vajazzle. What’s left in the sex-it-up department? Temporary tattoos for your “ta tas,” of course!

Yes, for only $9.95 to $12.95, you can have phrases like “Welcome/Home” or “100%/Natural” tattooed across your breasts. Temporarily, of course. Ta*ta*toos last about a week and are meant to “relay sentiments in a fun, intimate and original way,” according to the company.

When greeting cards just won’t cut it, maybe your mammary glands will.

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I scoffed at the ridiculousness of ta*ta*toos when I first heard of them last week. Do women really need to wow their partners with words inked across their chests? Are nipples no longer enough?? But after lengthy feminist pondering, I considered that they might actually be useful at a bachelorette party. Or a budget meeting.

I quickly begged the founders to send me a sample.

There were so many options to choose from – the coquettish “Happy/Birthday” to the earnest breast cancer awareness “Think/Pink” to the flat-out flagrant “Ride/Me.”

But because I am evil and wrong and can’t resist tempting fate, I picked a design most suitable for a burgeoning romantic relationship: “Guess What?/I’m Pregnant!”

Awesome.