Oral Sex 101: Learning How to Receive

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Oral Sex 101: Learning How to Receive

So, you think you know all there is to know about oral? Think again. So many women assume that being good at oral sex means knowing how to please your partner. Learning all those fancy little moves you read about in women’s magazines are supposed to make you an oral sex aficionado. Your partner always seems pleased with the outcome (no pun intended), but does oral sex ever leave you wanting more? Sure, you can give it out, but can you take it?

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Most women that I have talked to about oral sex say the same thing. They would rather give than receive. Many woman that I have spoken with feel as though they are unattractive “down there” or that they smell funny, taste funny, or look strange to their lover.

“I don’t understand why a guy would want to go down there. It grosses me out. I am uncomfortable with any guy getting that close,” says Lucia, 21.

“I can’t come from oral sex. I think oral sex is way too intimate and makes me feel vulnerable. My boyfriend begs me to let him go down on me, but…I just can’t do it,” explains Karen, 19.

What is worrisome about these comments that young women are making, is that they seem to believe that their vaginas are unattractive, that oral sex is too intimate (and therefore intimacy is bad) and that letting a man perform oral sex on them will make them feel too vulnerable (which is also seen as a negative.)

Feeling vulnerable and being intimate should be what the sexual experience is truly about. When two people come together in a sexual way, there is a bond, there is a connection, there is an energy that unites us on a baser level. Seems as though many of us are trying to avoid that kind of connection, in lieu of a more superficial relationship. Are we that afraid to get close to one another?

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27 thoughts on “Oral Sex 101: Learning How to Receive

  1. I am a 56 yr old woman who was married to a guy for 27 years who refused to go down on me. I do not know why he wouldn't because I always showered and douched before any sex. I became very intimidated about the idea of receiving oral sex. I KNOW I was very good at GIVING it. I guess the thing that bothered me the most was worrying about the smell. Of course, I have been with other men since our divorce and I know that THEY don't always smell great, but I still fantasize about someone licking my clit while using my favorite toy to stimulate my g-spot. I can get off just thinking about it!

  2. It's too bad so many people have hang-ups about sex. Both sexes get crotch stink, so shower before sex, or at least use baby wipes and scented, flavored sex lube first. Not all women orgasm the same way, so try it all to see what works. Women really need to know their own bodies before they start have sex with other people. Masturbation for boys is second nature, but so many females won't talk to their daughters about it. We really do a disservice to girls by not discussing this before they become sexually active. It might even stave it off if girls knew how to pleasure themselves and didn't rely on partners to try and figure it out.


  4. In general most men I’ve known would prefer not to go “down there” — not just on me, but on women in general. These same men have confided to me that *most* women are not skilled at giving oral. So, maybe couples should, early on in the relationship, come to an agreement about where they will and will not go sexually. It would certainly save a lot of time.

  5. Hello, Natalie Bencivenga.

    This is a good article – – – up to a point.

    I can not understand the current trend of referring to a woman's genitals as her vagina. The Vagina is the passage that connects the internal Uterus with the EXTERNAL Vulva. It is the Vulva that receives the great majority of the attention when a man 'goes down' on a woman. Unless the man is part chameleon, his tongue is not going to be long enough to get very far into her Vagina.

    Fingers? That's a (w)hole nuther story.

    I would advise EVERY woman who wants to experience all the pleasure she can get from sex to get to know her Vulva and all its various parts and just what it can do for her pleasure-wise if she will just allow herself to be open to receiving said pleasure.

    A pretty big part of this is also being willing to tell a male partner what she wants and what works for her. After all, he does NOT have her sexual equipment, her hormones or her sexual responses and he is not (usually) a mind reader.

    Personally, I don't m ind a few licks now and again but I'm not much into all-the-way blowjobs. I'd rather deliver the tiny tadpoles where they do their best work – even if they aren't going to achieve anything when they get there. How-wevver, I DO dearly LOVE putting my tongue and lips to work on a willing woman's Vulva, getting her all wet and aroused, feeling her reaching for my touch with her pelvis and feeling her go out of control when she orgasms – again and again. And AGAIN.

    Ladies, do yourself a favour. Let your man perform oral sex on you and help him to give you the utmost pleasure by telling him what you like and what you don't like, what works and what doesn't work.

    And do yourself another, possibly even bigger, favour. Get to know and LOVE your Vulva. If you don't already know it well. do some personal research to discover its secrets. You have it and it is as sensitive as it is for very good reasons. The ball is in your court.

    Thank you, Natalie, for opening up this discussion.

    You have a wonderful sex life.

    Best wishes.


  6. So funny that the newer articles invent hang-ups that most girls, well, just don't have..What is our media trying to do to pple?? Its true that youngsters recently feel that oral sex on a man is not anything at all (it is) and a few warped ideas but come On, it is impossible for a woman to not have explored herself, and for that many hangups. A few words, an experienced man, a little understanding of times of month…get over it. It's true that an inexperienced male might not be too good at it, but when he gets over some certain agressiveness, it's not that difficult? Plus men loooove a responsive female. Quit lying, media moguls..

  7. This is very true. Indeed lots of women have issues with raceiving oral sex. The Ï'd rather give than receive" attitude doesn't really make us men happy completely, as we also like giving pleasure sometimes even more than receiving. Giving is not the hardest thing, receiving is ;). Don't forget we also enjoy a confident attitude in our partners.

    Wish you all the best.

  8. All in all most men I've known might lean toward not to go "down there" – on me, as well as on ladies when all is said in done. Thus, possibly couples might as well, at an early stage in the relationship, go to an understanding about where they will and won't go sexually. It would absolutely safeguard a ton of time.

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  10. There is also nothing wrong with not particularly liking cunnilingus. The only worrisome thing is if you try to knock something you haven't tried. This article implies that by default young women hate their bodies, don't know themselves, and need an authoritative voice to tell them what's best. Girls, there's no one surefire activity that's synonymous with female pleasure. Do you what YOU like and what YOU feel comfortable with. There's nothing wrong if you try something and don't want to do it again There are no shoulds in sex, only invitations and permissions, which is yours to give or to deny, since it's your time and your body.

  11. I love eating out young women who need super orgasms but don't like risking pregnancy, STD's, and are frustrated dealing with younger guys. If a man won't do this for his wife I could steal her from him, at least from time to time. Prolonged and experienced oral sex is the best way for a girl to have her batteries charged and to look and feel her best. I would love to meet a young woman in south Florida who agrees and isn't getting what she really wants and needs.

  12. my experience has been neutral I like giving it but have never met a women who loves giving it? and truthfully it would be hard for me to ejaculate in a womens mouth.

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