Men on Dating Sites are Weird
Does a man’s IQ get lower when he joins a dating site?
After a couple of people I knew met and started dating really nice guys on a dating site whose name I will not divulge, I decided to jump back into the online dating pool and check out the site myself.
Why did I originally say good-bye to online dating? After meeting three, yes three men who didn’t look anything at all like their posted photos, I deleted my profile and erased the name of the site from my mind.
I created a profile for the new site and had a friend read it. She thought it was funny, original and cute. I posted it, along with a photo of myself. Then I sat back and waited for the fish, err, men to bite. Almost immediately I got 10 emails. I got an email typed in all caps. I got a blank email—I’m not sure if he wrote me a note in invisible ink and I didn’t really want to find out. I got four emails that only said, “Hi!” Two that told me I was pretty. I have no idea how I was supposed to reply to that. The last email was a phone number. Just a phone number, nothing else in the email.
Now I don’t want to sound harsh, but an email typed in all caps looks like you’re (a) yelling at the person and (b) just a tad psychotic. Saying hello or telling me you think I’m cute doesn’t make me want to write back. I’m not looking for the Gettysburg Address, but a short note would be fine.
I’ve been on the site for a couple of months now and am still wading through odd emails. How odd? Here are a few excerpts of what I’ve been getting:
• “R U A GUD GRL?”
• “Are you a bitch? You look like a bitch. If you are a bitch, don’t email me back, if you aren’t a bitch, please email me back.”
• “You haven’t answered any of my emails; can you at least email me back a thumbs up or a thumbs down?”
• “I’ve just written a book, can you edit it for me?”
• “I’ve just had a poem published in (insert national magazine name here), read it and critique the editing”
• “You free?”
• “Are you fat or thin in real life?
• “Get in touch with me.”
I used to save these emails and mail them to my friends, mostly because they didn’t believe me when I told them what was popping into my inbox. I’ve stopped now because they think I’m bragging about snagging all the “weirdoes.” Trust me; I’d like not to be such a beacon to them!
Now, I’ve written my fair share of emails to guys, and when I’ve not gotten get a reply, I just shrug it off and go on. You’d think that guys who don’t get a reply would just go on to the next woman, right? Ha! I’ve gotten anywhere from three to four emails from the same guy asking me to write back. What I want to know is if I didn’t answer the first email, why do they think I’m going to answer a different one?
Then there are the guys who when you reply to an email from them, start bombarding you with email after email. It goes from one email to three or four an hour. They’re not even waiting for you to reply, it’s like, “Oooh, a girl noticed me! A girl noticed me!” The overkill makes you glad you’re not in the same room with them.
I emailed a guy back who, from his profile and his initial email seemed interesting, intelligent and fun. We started emailing and I missed a reply from him and got this email,”Oh, you’re not interested in me any more. Bummer.” I guess I didn’t know that I had a short time limit to reply back!
I don’t know, but I’m thinking that guys – well, some guys, I should say – feel that because they’re not speaking to you face to face, they can write anything they want or act without caring about the repercussions. It’s like they’re suddenly little kids again.
I’m trying not to let the odd, weird and sometimes strange emails I get bug me, but there are times when I’ve scanned my dating inbox and wanted to bang my head against the monitor. I just keep reminding myself that normal guys do use dating sites and eventually I’ll meet one. I hope.
PJ Gach is Senior Editor: Style + Beauty at BettyConfidential.