Meet Harvey Helms, Your New Cyber Main Gay!
BettyConfidential is thrilled to introduce you to your new BFF!
Almost every woman I’ve known in my life has at least one gay man that they go to for friendship and advice on beauty, fashion trends, boyfriend drama or for the real answer to the question “Do I look fat in this?” or “Do you really think he’ll call now that I slept with him on the first date?” Oh, the drama of living! The gays love the drama! You trust your gay man because he always tells you the truth. Always. You’ve probably heard him say things like: “Sweet Pea, you might want to consider brighter lighting in your bathroom considering how much bronzer you have on today, okay ‘Miss Miami?’” or “Your Grandmother called and wants that Christmas sweater back! Didn’t I dispose of that sweater the last time we went through your closet, Precious?” Whether you realized it or not, this man is what’s known as your “Main Gay.” Actress/Comedian Kathy Griffin coined this phrase. If she didn’t, I’m giving her credit because I adore her. Now I’m not trying to make Kathy’s Main Gay jealous. Gay men are very territorial with the women to whom they ‘re in service. We take it very seriously! We are not opposed to the occasional Main Gay cat fight either!
As you’re probably already aware, your Main Gay sometimes isn’t always available when you need him. He may have just met the “Boy du Jour” and he says “No really!! I think he’s the one!” and has to see his new man 24 hours a day. Or he’s had to go back to rehab for a few weeks to take care of a little addiction problem. That’s okay, because I’ve always said “Talented people are always addicted to something.” Genius has its price. Go figure. Besides, when you visit him in rehab, you never know if you’ll run into Lindsay Lohan, David Duchovny or Liza. It just ups his celebrity quotient! We love that.
So here I am. Harvey Helms. Stylist. Culturalist. Up and coming author of a juicy cosmetic tell all. I’m your new “Cyber Main Gay.” Think of me when your main gay is not around in a fashion emergency or when you need up-to-the-minute info on a number of global issues like lip gloss, oil control, body smoothers or the mother-in-law from hell. I’ve been married three times and could write volumes on how I was treated by the Wicked Witch because I married “The Golden Child” by whom the sun rises and sets.
Why should you trust me? …
Well first you’re going to see me at my worst after an Active FX Laser treatment [Check out the actual process with my flip commentary in my upcoming column!] and I’ve got a list of achievements a mile long which you can read at your own leisure in my bio. But here’s what you really need to know: