Kittens, Mean Betty was so excited about the Golden Globes that she actually let her butler sit down and watch with her on the couch. Of course my little lambkins, we both had soup tureens full of medicinal alcohol, so having a fresh drinks wasn’t necessary to get through the night. And what a night! There are so many burning questions Mean Betty has that will never be answered, like … where was Julianne Moore’s sleeve? Why did Annette Bening’s hair look like a gerbil ran through it? Was she copying Al Pacino’s style? Did Nicole Kidman stop using Botox? (We saw her face move!)

 Seriously, my little tiny kumquats, there was so much drama and bad clothing that Mean Betty had to sit down and write up a list of her five biggest MISSES of the evening.

 1. Ricky Gervais disappearing halfway through the show. We wonder, kittens if after insulting the head of HPFA, most of Hollywood, and the world, was Ricky whisked away to a soundproof room, asked to bend over and spanked?

2. Christian Bale being bleeped during his acceptance speech for best supporting actor. Wasn’t it wasn’t enough that his hair was about as long as his wife’s? Is his vocabulary sooo limited that he has to tell the world “ Robert De Niro is the S*&t!”

3. Sandra Bullock. Kittens where do we start with her? Those bangs! Those bangs! Was she so busy hosting Ryan Reynolds and his “heartbreak” that she couldn’t fit in a trim? Did she really have to wear an embroidered bedspread as a dress? Leaving aside her outfit (with thanks), Little Miss Sunshine’s general sulkiness was just sad. Ricky set her up for a great joke and she blew it! What’s she so grim about anyway? Hmmm … perhaps Ryan isn’t as hot in bed as he looks?

4. One of Ryan Seacrest’s most important duties doing the pre-show red carpet interviews is to ask what the stars are wearing. Really kittens, that’s the only reason why he’s there. As happened last year, Ryan forgot his duty and spent half the evening mentally tallying real vs. fake boobs and trying to start bromances with the men.

 5. Last but not least, kittens, Mean Betty is truly, truly puzzled as to why The Tourist was allowed to be nominated as a comedy. Each time this Angelina Jolie fashion show was mentioned, the camera quickly panned to a wincing Johnny Depp. (What was he chewing on the whole time?) Was the producer so desperate to have something, anything at the Golden Globes (and the chance to be there and pick up starlets) that he thought, “Well, people did laugh when they saw it, so I can call it a comedy”?

Tell Mean Betty – what were the highlights – and lowlights – of the show for you?

xo,

Mean Betty

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