Oksana Grigorieva’s full plan has finally come to light, kittens. She met the screwball Mel Gibson, became his baby-mama, got into fights with him on purpose and recorded his ape-like responses ...all in a well-crafted plot to land in Playboy. You don’t think she’s that crafty, pets? Neither does Mean Betty. But a gal can dream, oui?

Nonetheless, Playboy has offered Mel's beaten down and battered ex $75,000 to shed her clothes for their infamous pages. They’ve also offered her the cover. That’s a sweet deal for a struggling musician who will always be known as the broad who endured hours of Nazi-esque rants from Mel Gibson. Since extorting hush money from Mel isn’t quite working out as she’d planned, Mean Betty sees no reason for Oksana not to leap out of her knickers immediately, though perhaps she should stop at the gym for some crunches first—and the bikini waxer.

Read Is Kim Kardashian Mean Betty's Idiot of the Week?

This news will definitely be another thorn in Mel’s derriere. First he loses his cameo in the Hangover 2 and now his ex is getting a Playboy cover. It’s not Mel’s month, poppets. A source is saying, "He doesn't understand why Mike Tyson, a drug user [and convicted rapist, as EW.com points out] who turned his life around, was given a chance while Mel was kicked to the curb. Everybody deserves a second chance." The Braveheart star wanted his cameo, waaaaah! How the mighty hath fallen, kittens.

Someone should have told him that Jew-hating is so five seasons ago and all of this may have been avoided. Rape is far more forgivable, n’est pas? What Mel is failing to realize is that the wounds of his words are fresh. Mike Tyson has also made a documentary. Hint hint, Mel. If you want forgiveness you have to put some effort in, and not just ride in to hipster heaven on Bradley Cooper's coattails.

xo,

Mean Betty