Mean Betty: The New York Times Slugs Snooki
What a masterpiece of reporting!
Happy Monday, poppets! Mean Betty nearly spit out her mimosa yesterday when she saw a strangely long article on Snooki in the Style section of The New York Times. (Yes, darlings, Mean Betty does read the Newspaper of Record.) The story took up an entire page—an amount of space normally reserved for crucial events like a State of the Union address, a record drop in the stock market, or Chelsea Clinton’s upcoming wedding.
The reporter, who serves tirelessly as the Times “fashion critic” (and what a position of grave responsibility that must be), made no pretense whatsoever at journalistic “objectivity”. Instead, she went straight for the jugular, hurling some “devastating” insults about Snooki: She’s like “a turnip turned on its tip”! She’s “got a weird tan!” A “blank look!” She speaks “thickly!” Hilarious! Mean Betty just knows that the Fashion Critic must have stayed very late at her little desk to come up with those gems.
But then, kittens, it gets so much worse (and doesn’t it always?): “…trying to hold a conversation with Snooki is a little like getting down on your hands and knees with a child,” huffs the Fashion Critic. “You have to come down to her level, and sometimes you almost think you need to bribe her with a piece of candy to be more responsive.” Somehow Mean Betty doubts that our reporter would say anything as nasty about the “fabulous” designers she associates with in her “job.” (Fashion designers are always referred to as “fabulous,” darlings. Mean Betty thinks there may be a federal regulation requiring it.)