Mean Betty: Stay Away From John Mayer, Eva Longoria

The Desperate Housewives actress has had enough cheaters in her life.

-Mean Betty

Eva Longoria hasn’t even signed her divorce papers yet, but that won’t stop the testosterone fueled John Mayer from trying to pounce on her. John is the Tinsel Town bicycle, kittens. Mean Betty wouldn’t be surprised if even Betty White has had a ride. And Mean wouldn’t blame her; he’s a hot piece of man meat… even if his music is extraordinarily precious.

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A pal of the lothario (John Mayer not Betty White) tells PopEater, “John is crazy about Eva. There is something about newly divorced ladies that drives him nuts. He was the same way over Jessica [Simpson] when she left Nick [Lachey], and now he has his eye on Eva.”

Let Mean Betty shed some light on why John feels this way. Newly divorced women have a lot of sexual frustration to let out after schtupping their same boring husbands for so long, and they aren’t looking for anything long-term. All a newly divorced woman really needs is to get a few good romp sessions out of her system. This is the perfect kind of woman for a man with the “screw and get out of there” mentality. Enter Johnny boy, poppets.

The wounds left by that cheating Tony Parker are very fresh for Eva, pets. Hooking up with John would be like pouring salt directly into them. His inability to keep his naughty bits in his pants is no secret. Just ask Jennifer Aniston if you don’t believe Mean Betty, darling.

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If John is really looking for a newly divorced woman, Mean Betty would like to know if any man out there would like to marry her—just for a few weeks? John may be bad for Eva but Mean wouldn’t mind being taken for a ride around his bed a few times. As long his albums are not playing in the background.

xo,

Mean Betty