Mean Betty on Why Lindsay Lohan Hosting SNL Is An Even Worse Idea Than You Think
Mean Betty examines the deeper implications of Lindsay Lohan hosting SNL and why it’s an even worse idea than you think it is.
Yes, kittens, it’s true: America’s favorite train wreck, Lindsay Lohan, will be hosting Saturday Night Live on March 3. She’s so excited about it that of course she Tweeted it:
And just in case there was any doubt as to the veracity of her claim, SNL Tweeted it as well:
Now, correct Meanie if she is wrong, kittens, but this sounds like a monumentally terrible idea. Wouldn’t you agree?
On the surface, perhaps it seems like it might be an okay idea. Perhaps it might even seem like a GOOD idea. Back at the height of her career, darling LiLo hosted SNL a total of three times, once each in 2004, 2005, and 2006. Linsday was known more for her comedic acting chops than her dramatic ones (Mean Girls? Wonderful! I Know Who Killed Me? Disaster!), so perhaps it is unsurprising that her stints on the show were good ones. Moreover, she often refers to Lorne Michaels, SNL’s god-like creator, as a “mentor” and a “father figure” (and presumably a better one than Michael Lohan!), and Meanie’s little birdies are telling her that Lindsay even scored the gig all by herself—without the help of either her manager or the terrifying creature that gave birth to her (Meanie is looking at you, Dina Lohan). Gasp! Lindsay made a responsible, career-based decision all on her own? Surely not!
But kittens, Meanie is sure that you can see the inherent danger in the situation: It is possible—nay, it is likely—that the masses will not be tuning into SNL that weekend to watch Lindsay make her big comeback. They (including Meanie herself) will be tuning in solely to watch Lindsay crash and burn. When Lindsay Lohan crashes and burns, she does so magnificently, and the media does so love a failure.
A deeper question, however, is this: Can Lindsay’s SNL gig even be considered a comeback? Or is it more an attempt to reassemble a broken life? After all, “comebacks” are usually known for their high-profile nature and flashy appearance. Lindsay has no major films in the works; nor is not suddenly starring in a brand new television show; nor does she have a new album to promote. All of these things are generally the hallmarks of the fabled “big comeback.” Instead, she has spent her time (in between her probation requirements, of course) doing one-shot job, most of which are photo shoots, rather than films or the like, and required no more than two days’ work. They also might dubiously be considered “easy money.” And while a hosting gig on SNL may be a step up from simply strutting in front of a camera, it does still fall into this same category. Is LiLo merely trying to dig herself out of the financial black hole into which she has so spectacularly deposited herself? Not that there’s anything wrong with that—after all, she’s spent a pretty penny on all her troubles over the past four and a half years—but still. Meanie can’t help but wonder how much a hosting gig on SNL pays—and whether SNL’s audience will be wondering the same thing.
Of course, there is always the possibility that Lindsay’s return to the comedy circuit will be a rip-roaring success. Moreover, Meanie can see the positive in all the negative: LiLo may be taking these one-shot jobs because no one will take the lengthy and therefore expensive chance on her that would be required to shoot a film, and if she can build up enough good will with the small gigs, then maybe doors will eventually open to the larger ones again. But Meanie isn’t counting on it—and nor does she think she is alone in her opinion here. It all comes down to how the public views her and the fact that she will most likely never be taken seriously as an actress again. This is sad; but it is also inevitable. Lindsay has broken our trust so many times that the only way we can look at her now is with disappointment, even if she somehow manages to “come back.” C’est la vie, n’est-ce pas, kittens?
Is there a moral to the story? Perhaps not. But if there is, it’s about prevention. It’s about recognizing when you have a problem, and about asking for help when you need it.
But maybe it’s a good idea to keep Lorne Michaels on speed dial just in case.