Mean Betty on Snooki's Newfound Sobriety

If she's not drinking, will Snooki have to leave the show?

Mean Betty on Snooki’s Newfound Sobriety

If she’s not drinking, will Snooki have to leave the show?

-Mean Betty

Snooki in crashed car

Kittens! Kittens, kittens, kittens, Mean Betty is appalled by the news she heard about Snooki. Did you hear? The orange one claims she’s not drinking anymore! No more waking up in dumpsters (Mean Betty always thought that dumpsters were Snooki’s natural habitat, but nevermind), no more hooking up with questionable men due to beer goggles, no more running across a beach wearing slippers! What’s a gal to do for her enjoyment?

You see my little ewe lambs, Mean Betty read on Radar Online that Snooki, in an attempt to no longer look like a troll look svelte, gave up drinking! “I hardly drink now. I used to drink every single day. I’m more into getting fit, going to the gym, eating healthy because then you feel better about yourself.”

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That’s all well and good for Snooks. She’s gone from 126 pounds to a healthIER weight for her height (just about 3-foot, mean Betty estimates). Snooks claims that cutting down on snacks and an hour of cardio and 2,000 crunches a day has gotten her figure back. Meanie would have loved to view footage of Snooki doing crunches; she thinks it would have kept her laughing for a week, at least.

However, Meanie was worried that if Snooki really cleans up her act, will she disappear from Jersey Shore? After all, the show is all about orange-skinned people behaving badly. Come to think of it, Jersey Shore is a lot like the Smurfs, if the Smurfs were on grain alcohol.

How can a sober Snooki deal with the uncouth behavior of her fellow cast-mates? Will she no longer be able to fit in with the group? Will she start lecturing them about their carb and drink intake? Will our beloved Snooki’s career end up in a dumpster?

As Meanie was fretting about the future of the little lamb, she heard fantabulous news. Snooki’s up to her old behavior. According to the Daily Mail, whilst Snooki and crew were filming in Florence, the petite one managed to crash into a patrol car and send two police officers to the hospital. Thankfully, everyone is healthy and doing fine. Sadly, Snooki had to climb out of the backseat of her car — it was just a tad damaged, but all is well.

Drug and alcohol tests were administered to all and sundry (Snooki, her passenger Deena and the production crew) that were crammed into the tiny Fiat Snooki was driving. All passed with flying colors.

Sober or not kittens, it would appear that Snooki and her cohorts: Jenni “JWoww” Farley, Sammi ‘Sweetheart’ Giancola, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Deena Nicole Cortese, Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino, Vinny Guadagnino and Paul ‘Pauly D’ DelVecchio will be the train wrecks they’ve always been.

Meanie is just so thrilled that alcohol or not, Snooki’s demeanor will still be the same!

xo

Mean Betty

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