Mean Betty can just hear Lady Gaga now in her lair, sprawled across a cash and cocaine-laced davenport, laughing maniacally, “Wa Ha Ha Ha! I can say anything and they still love me! The world will soon be mine!” (Picture Brain from the cartoon Pinky and the Brain, only with a tighter derriere, yet strikingly similar facial features).

The latest knowledge bomb Gagaliscious dropped on Vanity Fair (oh, and the world) is cold hard proof that everyone should proceed with caution before worshipping this creature blindly. Mean Betty fears that some of her darling pets fail to see the utter derangement of the Monster Ball’s founder and CEO.

Read Mean Betty on Justin Bieber’s Memoir

Let Mean Betty explain, kittens. For days now, Mean has been worried that little girls might get their hands on this readily available magazine. If they can read (or even sound out the word c-o-c-a-i-n-e) they will sop up a tale of a line-sniffing outcast who claims her creativity is in her vagina. Not to worry, poppets, Lady Gaga admits to only using cocaine a couple times a year. Thus, the drug use is no biggie. Phew!

None of Gaga’s millions of young worshippers will be swayed to try drugs by this at all. Mean Betty is absolutement positive of it. Little girls never try to emulate their pop star heroes, oui?