Mean Betty on January Jones’ Mystery Babydaddy
January Jones’ baby Xander has been born– but we still don’t know who the father is! Why is she keeping it a secret?
Well, kittens, famously frosty Mad Men actress January Jones gave birth to her little son Xander a whole two weeks ago; but horrors! We are still no closer to figuring out who the baby’s father is! Not even baby Xander’s birth certificate gives any clues. And let Meanie tell you, kittens, the mystery is driving her crazy!
Darling January revealed back in April that not only did she have a tiny baked good in the oven, but also (and perhaps more importantly) she was “really looking forward to this new chapter in her life as a single mom.” Single mothers are by no means uncommon these days; but in spite of that fact, naturally the theories on exactly who the father was flew fast and furious. Was it January’s X-Men: First Class director Matthew Vaughn—who, incidentally, is married, and to Claudia Schiffer, no less? Or was it former boyfriend Jason Sudeikis—who got surprisingly tongue-tied when asked what he thought about January’s impending wee one? What about her X-Men co-star Michael Fassbender—who actually began dating fellow mutant Zoe Kravitz during filming? So many possibilities! But January herself remained close-lipped, neither confirming nor denying any of the rumors. All Meanie can say is that her PR people must have been burning the metaphorical candle at both ends all day, every day in order to squash any possible answers before they reached the public.
Now, Meanie is quite progressive, so the fact that Miss Jones is a Miss and not a Missus doesn’t bother her one iota. However, Meanie does find herself wondering exactly why Miss Jones refuses to identify the father. So Meanie put her thinking cap on and thought long and hard about the issue, and here’s what she came up with:
1) The father is a high-profile player in the entertainment industry who appears, for all intents and purposes, to be happily married. To reveal the father would damage both his and January’s careers irreparably.
2) The father is an Average Joe who managed to score a night with January, but has no desire to be dogged by the paparazzi at every turn.
3) January was artificially inseminated and does not know the identity of the donor.
4) Immaculate conception.
(The pool boy was the one who suggested immaculate conception, and to be honest, the more Meanie thought about it, the more she became convinced that Xander Jones is actually the second coming of the little lamb Jesus. But then Meanie realized that this was the pool boy she was talking about and snapped back to her senses.)
But here’s the rub, kittens: Meanie may not be, shall we say, good with small children, but she does still take interest in their general welfare. And kittens? Meanie is worried about what this strange game of Hide the Daddy might do to little Xander once he’s old enough to process it. Will January keep his father’s identity from him, too? Or will he grow up knowing, but unable even to speak about the knowledge, let alone see or visit his daddy dearest? What an awfully difficult burden for such a bitty thing to carry! Meanie’s heart bleeds for the poor dear.
But alas, Meanie is resigned to the fact that nothing remains to be done about the situation. Miss Jones will do what Miss Jones will do, and unless someone steps forward to claim paternity for Xander, we shall be forever in the dark.
Though come to think of it… might THAT be the next scandal to knock on our collective doors? A possible father stepping into the light? Ooo! How exciting! Meanie can’t wait!