How did you react to the news of Beyonce finally giving birth, kittens? Did you squeal with joy? Did you roll your eyes? Did you exclaim “I KNEW she was actually pregnant!”? Did you not react at all because that you weren’t even aware that it had happened? Or did you call up your local newspaper and complain because Beyonce’s epic delivery turned the maternity ward in which your wife was birthing your own child into a nightclub?

Now, Meanie usually tries to stay far, far away from maternity wards, largely because she does not… shall we say… “get on” with children (honestly, what does one do with them until they grow up? Meanie prefers puppies). But Meanie also realizes that not everyone feels this way; in fact, most parents-to-be simply cannot wait to wheel themselves into the hospital in order to meet their long-anticipated little bundle of joy. This, presumably, is the mood in which Mr. Neil Coulon and his wife arrived at Lenox Hill Hospital on New York’s Upper East Side. However, that mood rapidly evaporated when poor Neil realized that the hospital was playing host to a VIP, or Very Important Pregnancy (yes, this is a technical term, kittens); subsequently, Neil is now taking his story public. And to be honest, Meanie can’t really blame him.

Neil, who is a contractor based out of the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn, told the New York Daily News that Beyonce’s bodyguards treated the hospital “like an exclusive nightclub,” and that he was denied entrance from the neonatal intensive care unit not once, not twice, but enough times to classify as “repeatedly:” “Three times they stopped me from entering or exiting the NICU (Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit)… just because they wanted to use the hallway,” Neil said. The bodyguards also booted everyone not connected to Babyonce out of the waiting room. Bouncers? Metaphorical velvet ropes? That does sound a little more like an exclusive club than a place of healing probably should be, doesn’t it?

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Rumor has it that the hip-hop supercouple paid a whopping $1.3 million for the private use of an entire wing of the hospital (though at the moment, the hospital is denying that this was the case). In fact, TMZ (of course!) discovered after little Blue Ivy’s birth that her delivery involved an elaborate plan, the hospital’s higher-ups, and a ridiculously large security force. Executives from the hospital and Beyonce’s bodyguards met on Friday afternoon to hatch the plan; strict security was then promptly installed in preparation for Beyonce’s evening arrival. From a privacy standpoint, the plan succeed: No pictures of Beyonce, Jay-Z, or anyone else connected with the birth have emerged, and given that the big event happened several days ago, Meanie thinks it’s safe to assume that they’re not going to. But there’s taking reasonable security measures for high-profile individuals, and then there’s abusing the power connected with being a high-profile individual. The story as Neil tells it sounds suspiciously like the rich and famous using their power and position to put themselves high, high above the commoners. In a hospital setting, that strikes Meanie as not at all right or fair.

Now, it is entirely possible that Neil is simply trying to capitalize on his proximity to a star during a very specific moment. If he is, he would not be the first, and nor would he be the last. But it doesn’t sound to Meanie that he is being particularly unreasonable about it; in fact, he seems to understand Beyonce’s desire for privacy (even stars are allowed to have it sometimes... at least, as long as they're not Kardashians), as well as the need for extra security that resulted from this desire. But he noted, “They should have been more strategic about it. These are children with problems in intensive care and you’re just going to take over the hospital like you own it? All I want is an apology.” Neil’s wife, by the by, delivered two premature and underweight twin girls via C-section. Wouldn't you be irritated if you were barred from seeing your struggling new babies and wife because of the special treatment given to a celebrity? Meanie certainly would be (though again, Meanie might substitute puppies for babies).

The hospital staff appears to be aware that Beyonce’s maternity ward takeover was somewhat upsetting to those parents not lucky enough to be Beyonce or Jay-Z—“Some people were upset; I heard a gentleman say he couldn’t go upstairs to see his baby,” a staffer said—but the executives at the hospital either don’t know about the grumbling or are choosing to ignore it. Hospital spokeswoman Anne Sliverman told the Daily News, “We take patient satisfaction very seriously. This is the first time I’m hearing about it.” Meanie can’t help but think that possibly the hospital might have let the money and the thrill of having celebrities in their midst blind them to some of the issues that come along with such prestige. They are, after all, first and foremost a hospital, and a hospital should always be geared towards provided top care and courtesy to all of their patients—not just the famous ones.

Not unrelated, Meanie has one finally question:

“Blue Ivy?” Really?!

XO,

Mean Betty