Kittens! Don your helmets and burrow down into your trenches! War is upon us! War most terrible! War of the worst kind imaginable! War between… REALITY TV STARS!

Oh, all right, maybe this isn’t quite the worst kind of war imaginable—World War III or World War Z would both be infinitely worse—but it IS perhaps the most ridiculous kind of war imaginable. Kourtney Kardashian, you see, has gone to war against Farrah Abraham, one of the stars of MTV’s Teen Mom series. Or perhaps it was Farrah who declared war on Kourtney. Either way, Meanie can’t quite believe how overwhelmingly silly it all is.

It all started on Friday, when dear Farrah, mother of baby Sophia, heard of Kourtney’s impending pregnancy and took to Twitter to express herself:

Although the Kardashians and the Teen Moms usually exist in entirely different universes, the butler suspects that a hole has developed somewhere in the space-time continuum, resulting in the collision between these two worlds. For Kourtney, you see, got wind of Farrah’s ill-advised rant and responded in kind:

Kourtney’s long-term partner, Scott Disick, also had some choice words for Farrah; it wouldn’t do to repeat them in polite company, but Meanie shall provide for you an approximate translation: “We are somewhat older than thou, dear Farrah, and as such, we have not been considered what thou terms ‘teenagers’ for many a year, thou unfortunate, dimwitted girl.”

Farrah, in turn, accused Kourtney of making poor life choices:

Read Mean Betty Says, "Release The Kraken On The Housewives!"

At that moment, Kourtney’s sister Khoe, confused, got in on the action, asking Scott:

And Scott, not known for the poetry of his language, again replied with some phraseology that well-bred persons do not as a rule use, but which amounted to, “Dearest not-quite-sister-in-law, I myself was under the impression that she was nothing more than an unfortunate stain on the existence of this grand thing we call Twitter! Dost thou believe me to be correct?”

Farrah, believing herself to be misunderstood, then attempted to clarify what she meant:

After which she fired one last parting shot at Scott.

Now, kittens, Meanie is no great lover of the Kardashians. However, she does believe that Farrah may be a bit… misguided. It’s no secret that the Kardashian clan has an inflated sense of its own importance, but so, it appears, does Farrah. Furthermore, as those of you who follow the misadventures of MTV’s teen parents no doubt already know, Farrah is far from the sharpest tool in the shed, and here, those two qualities have combined in a tragic case of stupidity. Farrah seems to have missed the fact that while Teen Mom does have many lessons to teach, the show’s target audience isn’t exactly composed of 32-year-old millionaires. She also appears to be unaware of the fact that Kourtney and Scott have been together for four years, already have a healthy, happy two-year-old, and are, for all intents and purposes, as good as married.

Kourtney (and her perhaps undeservedly famous family) may be many things, and not all of them flattering; but it is difficult to accuse her of being an inadequate mother. She and Scott may lack the piece of paper declaring them to be man and wife, but they have a stable, if somewhat uncomfortably public, life, and their attempts at child-rearing have been successful so far. Little Mason appears to be a well-cared-for, well-behaved, and astonishingly well-dressed child. Perhaps that trip to the plastic surgeon may have been a case of jumping the shark, but better to err on the side of overkill when it comes to an injured child than simply to ignore it, yes?

The butler would like to note, by the way, that Farrah’s life is no less public than the Kardashians’, and that what we have here essentially is a case of one reality television mother accusing another reality television mother of being a reality television mother. A phrase concerning pots and kettles comes to mind, does it not?

Kittens, Meanie never thought she would find herself actually defending a Kardashian; but in this instance, she’s got to admit that Kourtney > Farrah. Farrah, darling? There’s a lesson to be learned from this: Don’t judge a Kardashian until you’ve walked a mile in her Louboutins.

That said, though, Meanie has one last piece of advice for both Kourtney and Farrah:

Get over yourselves!

XO,

Mean Betty