Mean Betty is always amused by twooting, teeeting, oh, sorry kittens, Tweeting. Meanie, the butler and the pool boy like to gather ‘round the laptop with spill-proof mugs and create new and interesting messages that only have 140 characters. My little ewe lambs, there are so many things one can say with so few words ... as rabid Justin Bieber fans will attest!

Yes, kittens, some people use Twitter to create, gasp, death threats! Can you imagine!

Read Mean Betty on Charlie Sheen: "I'm a Total Frickin' Rock Star From Mars"

Sunday night, Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber went to the Vanity Fair Oscars After Party. Together. Yes, they chose that celebrated event for their first “official” date and to show the world they are indeed dating. But didn’t everyone already know that? Even Mean Betty, who tries not to pay too much attention to the love lives of teens, knew. When Mean Betty saw photos of Selena and the Biebs acting lovey-dovey on a yacht (excuse me, when does a 16-year-old boy suddenly decide he needs a yacht?), she knew they were playing more than hokey pokey.

As we know, the Biebs has legions of fans. They watch his every move. They adore him. They stalk him. They Tweet about him. So when they saw cell phone videos of Justin and Selena kissing whilst waiting for their car after the party, Twitter went wild! There were tweets congratulating the couple and others composed of death threats against Selena.

One Tweeter tweeted, “until the day you break up with selena gomez..im gonna write hate tweets to you and her everyday”

Another tweeter eloquently exclaimed, “Selena and Justin Bieber I'll kill you both if you're dating !!!!!!! Got it?”

And those were two of the nice tweets.

Mean Betty doesn’t know how to break this gently to Justin Bieber’s fans; she understands that they adore his music, his sartorial splendor and his hair. To many a 9-year-old, he would be the best date ever. And some of their moms think so too.

Here’s the thing. Justin Bieber has bodyguards for a reason. He really doesn’t want to meet you. He really doesn’t want to get to know you, walk you to school and have cookies and milk at your house. Bieber fans, you have as much a chance of dating him as Mean Betty has marrying Jon Hamm. (Call me, Jon!)

Sending death threats to Selena Gomez via Twitter because she’s dating the Biebs and you’re not, well, let’s just say if you continue to do it, Charlie Sheen will seem more normal than you.

Mean Betty does understand puppy love. Why the first time Mean Betty ever locked eyes with a margarita mix, Meanie was done for! However, there’s a huge difference between fantasy and reality. Mean Betty really hopes that the FBI doesn’t start showing up at anti-Selena Tweeters’ doorsteps, because, remember pets, you can’t Tweet in jail.

xo,

Mean Betty

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