Mean Betty: Jessica Simpson’s Back in the Game
And she’s got a Yalie!
Hello, darlings! Mean Betty was absolutely thrilled to learn that darling Jessica Simpson has found true love…again.
And she’s fallen for yet another jock. So smart, our Jessica!
If you remember, kittens, Jessica’s last boyfriend, Tony Romo, dumped her on her 29th birthday, thus earning a permanent place in Mean Betty’s Book of Deeply Disgusting Male Behavior. Mr. Romo plays a position known as “quarterback” for a Texas team called the Cowpokes…or something like that . And now, Jessica is dating a former NFL player, Eric Johnson, who played a position known as “tight end.” (Because she is a lady, Mean Betty will make no jokes.)
Jessica herself A “source” told TMZ.com that the two are “very happy” during the month they’ve been dating. And Mean Betty is happy for them. Truly.
But we must pause to consider, my pets, some profound questions raised by this romantic union: How do these people meet each other? How do they find the time to get to know each other? Is there some sort of reality star/football player dating site that connects them only after an intensive quiz to find their 29 points of deep compatibility, the way eharmony does? Do they start out with a quiet coffee date and then move on to the best Thai restaurant in their neighborhood? Or do they immediately jump ahead to the red-carpet, paparazzi-avoidance stage? Mean Betty wants answers!
However, it just might be, kittens, that Jessica has found a good guy at last. And doesn’t she deserve one after the Three Horrors (Nick Lachey, John Mayer and Tony Romo) she’s suffered through? You see, darlings, Eric Johnson graduated from Yale—unlike most football players, who seem to be proud alumni of Coach Bubba’s Institute of Football Thuggery. And he is interested in personal finance. Two of his favorite down-time books in college included Rich Dad, Poor Dad and—wait for it, my loves—Smart Women Finish Rich.
Could it be that Mr. Johnson will teach our famously bubble-headed blonde how to stay rich—or even get smart? Well, maybe being rich is good enough. Mean Betty does not expect miracles.