Mean Betty: Is the Church of Scientology Stalking Katie Holmes?
Katie Holmes is allegedly being followed in the wake of news of her divorce from Tom Cruise. Is it the Church of Scientology? Mean Betty investigates!
There’s nothing like a little conspiracy theory along with your toast and Bloody Mary to kick of the morning, is there, kittens? Luckily, Meanie has just the thing for you this fine day! Both fascinating and horrifying, it has all the best conspiracy theorists tap-tap-taping away at their keyboards. This juicy bit of gossip has, of course, to do with the dissolution of Katie Holmes’ and Tom Cruise’s marriage. After all, when it comes to celebrity conspiracy theories, there is no better subject on which to focus, is there not?
Rumors have abounded about Katie and Tom’s somewhat peculiar relationship from the very start. Does Tom create “marriage contracts” for all of his wives? Is Katie’s contract up? Was she “cast” as the third Mrs. Cruise? Was the final straw for Katie the thought of Tom wanting to send six-year-old Suri off to Sea Organization, a sort of Scientology boot camp to which children as young as five can be sent to live—without their parents (although the latest news about Sea Org is that no one under 16 is admitted)? Each rumor seems to be more ridiculous than the last—though we do know for a fact that Katie’s actions are all in the name of protecting her daughter. As odd as the entire situation may be, and as conflicted Meanie may feel about Suri and her absent manners, Meanie quite understands Katie’s desire to protect little Suri. That, after all, is what a mother does, no?
Especially in light of this alarming tidbit of information: Over the weekend (and what a glorious weekend it was!), our favorite gossip mongers, TMZ, revealed that several “mysterious” men, as well as a number of vehicles including a white Cadillac Escalade and a black Mercedes SUV, have been circling around Katie for the past week. Are they merely opportunistic paparazzi attempting to catch the next big scoop? Or is it something more sinister—something like a tail from the Church of Scientology, who might now believe Katie to be a threat to the organization? Terrifying!
Meanie is willing to bet her morning mimosa that there have been just as many rumors surrounding the legitimacy of Katie and Tom’s marriage as there were surrounding Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’—maybe even more. The difference, however, is that Kim and Kris’ reality show union was transparent enough to see through; Katie and Tom’s marriage, on the other hand, has been shrouded in mystery right from the start. Subsequently, Meanie is not at all surprised that these sorts of “Gasp! Scientology is stalking Katie!” rumors have emerged. True, the organization often comes across as a little shady; but would they really resort to stalking someone purely due to the failure of a marriage?
Thankfully, it seems that the conspiracy theory is just that—a theory. The Church of Scientology did deign to respond to TMZ’s queries, and according to lawyer Gary Soter, the organization is not following Katie or conducting surveillance on her in the wake of her pending divorce. It’s much more likely that those two mysterious vehicles and the suspicious characters associated with them are the work of the paparazzi; after all, we’re already quite familiar with the lengths to which those ruthless photographers will go in the name of selling a picture.
However, this doesn’t change the fact that Katie is seeking sole custody of Suri—something which almost certainly has to do with whether or not she wants her child to be indoctrinated into the Church of Scientology. Meanie believes that we haven’t heard the last of the conspiracy theories. What’s next? Killer sharks from outer space raining down upon Katie’s and Suri’s heads, courtesy of L. Ron Hubbard? Bring it on, conspiracy nuts!