Mean Betty Does Not Think Jennifer Aniston Is the Sexiest Woman of All Time

How on earth did Jennifer Aniston get named Hottest Woman of All Time by Men's Health magazine? Mean Betty investigates!

Mean Betty Does Not Think Jennifer Aniston Is the Sexiest Woman of All Time

How on earth did Jennifer Aniston get named Hottest Woman of All Time by Men’s Health magazine? Mean Betty investigates!

-Mean Betty

Jennifer Aniston

What does “sexy” mean to you, kittens? Does it mean stick-thin models? Curvy vintage pinups? Laugh lines? There are many different definitions of “sexy”—indeed, there are probably as many definitions as there are people in the world—and that’s what makes it such a fun word.

Men’s Health magazine has just released their list of the 100 Hottest Women of All Time, and Meanie is, to say the least, a little disappointed at some of their picks. While Meanie does appreciate the inclusion of such sirens as Clara Bow, Bettie Page, Brigitte Bardot, Raquel Welch, and of course Marilyn Monroe, try as she might, Meanie just can’t square with the idea that the number one sexiest woman of all time is… Jennifer Aniston.

Yes, kittens. Rachel from Friends somehow beat out Mae West. Pardon Meanie one moment while she drowns her confusion in her morning bellini—

—Ah, that’s better! Bless the butler; he does work wonders with a peach and a bottle of bubbly. But Meanie digresses! Back to the matter at hand: How on earth did Jennifer win herself this title? To be honest, Meanie isn’t sure. This, kittens, are Men’s Health’s reasons for bestowing this undeserved honor upon Jen:

“Funny is sexy, and Jennifer Aniston is funny—she was invited to join Saturday Night Live before her big break with Friends. Her down-to-earth persona makes her seem attainable, and anyone who’s seen her in Office Space has to admit she makes even pieces of flair look good. She rarely plays the airhead, and she seldom overplays a role: she’s funny in a quiet, refreshingly human way. And her all-too-human love life off screen inspires sympathy that not even a string of bland romantic comedies can diminish. Other sex symbols drift toward one-dimensionality, becoming flat icons in the process, but throughout her career Aniston has remained sexy, funny, and unmistakably real.”

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Now, Meanie understands wanting to go with someone unconventional. In fact, Meanie has long considered unconventionality to be much sexier than any sort of cookie-cutter norm. But Jennifer?… Well, let us simply say that Meanie does not find her all that unconventional. Meanie also doesn’t find dear Jen terribly funny, and given that Men’s Health is using “funny” as their primary criterion… Meanie is sure you can see where the problem lies, kittens. Jen has made a career more or less playing the same character over and over and over again; she has, indeed, starred in “a string of bland romantic comedies” (He’s Just Not Into You, much?); and she lacks the one quality that the best of the funny bunch invariably have: the all important ability to laugh at herself. When something unfortunate happens to Jen, she doesn’t admit it hurts, then crack a joke about it. Rather, she walls in it, sometimes for years (see: Brad Pitt). Is Meanie alone in thinking that wallowing in self-pity is just about the least sexy thing any one person can do?

Meanie’s own personal preferences for what “sexy” means may lean more towards the classic than the contemporary, but lest you assume that this is the only reason she thinks that Jennifer Aniston is far from the sexiest woman of all time, rest assured that this is most certainly not the case. Meanie was extremely pleased to find such glories as Christina Hendricks, Penelope Cruz, and Cameron Diaz on the list (though Meanie is a little aghast at how far down Christina is—only number 87? Surely not!). Sexy is, in fact timeless.

But Meanie still thinks this:

 

Bettie Page

Is sexier than this:

Jennifer Aniston

QED, kittens.

 

XO,

Mean Betty


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18 thoughts on “Mean Betty Does Not Think Jennifer Aniston Is the Sexiest Woman of All Time

  1. jewlzz1 says:

    Who did these people poll?????? Jennifer Anniston is not THE sexiest of ALL time! I just have to ask, who did she sleep with for that title because she isn’t very selective on who she beds with!!!! Just sayin….

  2. ewalsh says:

    My faith in guys taste is restored! Way to go Jennifer.

  3. Antonia says:

    Sorry she doesn’t get my vote. I agree with Betty and jelzz1.

  4. Catca says:

    I like Jennifer Aniston, but as a woman I can’t help but be disappointed that the phrase “her all too human love life off screen inspires sympathy” is used to state why she is sexy, let alone the sexiest woman alive. I think Jen is a victim of the media more than she is of her “too human love life”, but regardless, the phrase paints her as a victim and implies that women are sexy if they are victims. Forgive me while I throw up.

  5. marriagecoach1 says:

    Jennifer Anniston is a real woman and not a stick figure. She has very nice natural breasts that she frequently rewards guys wit ha view of her nipples showing thew an unlined bra and has gotten over her false modesty on Friends and now allows sneak peaks up her skirt to show her panties which all men absolutely love

    John Wilder

  6. cmaglaughlin says:

    I’ll vote for two…Jacqueline Smith and Denise Richards. They both make my heart palpitate, among other things!

  7. enizete says:

    Who she is paying to get this title? I guess pays off to have friends in some places…she tries to hard!

  8. enizete says:

    I feel sorry for Brad (and Angie)….she is like a glue that don’t let go!! Hey Jen, he doesn’t like you anymore!!! Maybe in the past, but no more!! Don’t be so bitter!!! Move on!!!

  9. AgolSpeir says:

    I don’t agree that she’s the sexiest woman of ALL TIME, that’s really pushing it. However I do think she is an incredibly sexy woman. Especially through a guy’s eyes. She seems like a woman that you could be yourself around, that you could have a beer with and hang out with and laugh. She’s never come across as bad intentioned even when she’s humiliated in every paper. And she doesn’t ever seem full of herself even though she’s a beautiful lady with a stunning and very real (and not TOO thin) body. Maybe she’s not the most gorgeous woman in a room of Hollywood starlets, but she GLOWS and has the whole package of what men look for in a real woman.

  10. AgolSpeir says:

    I don't agree that she's the sexiest woman of ALL TIME, that's really pushing it. However I do think she is an incredibly sexy woman. Especially through a guy's eyes. She seems like a woman that you could be yourself around, that you could have a beer with and hang out with and laugh. She's never come across as bad intentioned even when she's humiliated in every paper. And she doesn't ever seem full of herself even though she's a beautiful lady with a stunning and very real (and not TOO thin) body. Maybe she's not the most gorgeous woman in a room of Hollywood starlets, but she GLOWS and has the whole package of what men look for in a real woman.

  11. Ladyx1 says:

    Jennifer is lovely and has an amazing body. But she suffers from I guess OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)she and others admit she works out 4 hours nearly every day.
    What is “real” about that except in the very “unreal” world of Hollywood & celebrity life.
    Should any women or men’s looks really be judged based on a celebrity body?
    Sad.

  12. mypcomind says:

    Wow! Really?? Cuz while Jen is attractive, I can hardly swallow this take on her being the “sexiest woman of all time.” A “real” woman, is not so stiff looking, & pumped so full of botox & juvederm, that she can only move the bottom lip when she speaks. A “REAL” woman isn’t afraid to let her hair flow freely as opposed to flat ironed, sprayed & as unmovable as her face A “REAL” woman, usually has a love, or loves in her life. Although seemingly adored by the masses, She seems shallow, superficial & ALONE. The fact that she is single for sooo long speaks volumes, & gives true insight into her persona. In conclusion, there are 1000′s of women out there, in celebrity land & the real world, faaar more beautiful & sexier than her! (Possibly the editor or journalist on the task was just smitten w/ her??!!!) LOL

  13. dumbestseni says:

    This is a title fit for Jen! America’s Sweetheart and a Princess
    No One will argue with that for sure. I do not agree for her being the sexiest woman, because she is more like Audrey Hepburn type of a lady. Men from around the world fell in loved with Audrey Hepburn when she was alive, and Now that seems being repeated again with Jen Aniston. Everybody is right, there are so many gorgeous and sexier women out there, but Audrey and Jen are just different; they are the Princess to all men

  14. dumbestseni says:

    This is a title fit for Jen! America’s Sweetheart and an America’s Princess
    No One will argue with that for sure. she is more like Audrey Hepburn type of a lady. Men from around the world fell in loved with Audrey Hepburn when she was alive, and Now that seems being repeated again with Jen Aniston. Everybody is right, there are so many gorgeous and sexier women out there, but Audrey and Jen are just different; they are the Princess to all men

  15. dumbestseni says:

    Jennifer Aniston voted best workout buddy in ‘Fitness’ magazine poll

    ANOTHER ONE? Jen is really an America’s princess. She is loved by men and women, just like how they adored Audrey Hepburn when still alive, men from all over the world fell in loved with Audreyr; now it is repeating the history with our Jen. GO JEN GO! you are not the sexiest and most beautiful woman, but you are the Best of All the Best!!!

  16. Melisa says:

    I will never agree that JA is the sexiest woman of all time. To me she is very plain looking.

  17. Melisa says:

    Anyone, that has $$$ can fix themselves up and look attractive, but being the SEXIEST woman of all time, definetely not. JA is so ugly looking.

  18. Melisa says:

    I agree with LadyX!

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