‘John Carter’s’ Taylor Kitsch + 12 Hot Guys Who Have Been Stuck On Alien Planets
In honor of the release of John Carter and its delicious star, Taylor Kitsch, we’ve rounded up a whole bunch of hot guys who have been stranded on alien planets for you to drool over.
How long has it been since you’ve seen a really good alien movie, Bettys? I’m not talking about weird, half-coherent things like Cowboys and Aliens; I mean something really, really good, something maybe that hearkens back to the way we thought of sci-fi during times gone by.
Well, if you’re craving a good old-fashioned adventure story in the grand tradition with a modern twist, Disney (surprisingly) has something up its sleeve you might enjoy: John Carter, due out this Friday, March 9. Based off of Tarzan author Edgar Rice Burrough’s novel A Princess of Mars (which, by the way, was the film’s original title), John Carter stars the yummy Taylor Kitsch as a former American Civil War Confederate Army captain who is mysteriously transported to Mars and has all sorts of wacky adventures while he’s there. Fun!
But John Carter isn’t the first unfortunate, extremely attractive guy to get stuck on an alien planet. In fact, he’s just joined a long line of similar dudes. So who’s he keeping company with? Read on to find out!
(Note: Sometimes, “alien” doesn’t have to mean Mars or whatever. To some characters, Earth can be pretty alien, especially if they’re not originally from it. So keep an open mind, yes?)
1. Mark Wahlberg and Charlton Heston, Planet of the Apes
(Alert: SPOILERS if you haven’t seen and/or ever plan on seeing either of these films.) It is possible that the 2001 remake of the original 1968 Planet of the Apes was entirely unnecessary. In fact, I am almost certain that it was. However, on the plus side it means that we’ve got not one, but two candidates for our Hot Guys Who Have Been Stranded On Alien Planets list from it: Mark Wahlberg and Charlton Heston. Of course, we know from the big reveal at the end that the planet Mark and Charlton crash landed on isn’t technically “alien” at all, but rather a post-apocalyptic Earth. I would argue, though, that the planet is still alien, just in that “this is nothing at all like anything I know” sense rather than in the “little green (or grey, according to The X-Files) men” sense.
2. Sam Worthington, Avatar
This is one of those “stuck on an alien planet” tales that has a happy ending: Sam Worthington’s Jake isn’t stranded, but rather makes a life for himself there after he’s transferred from his human body into his Na’vi avatar. The plot of Avatar may essentially be Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest, but whatever, we’ll take it—especially if it involves Sam Worthington!
3. Guy Pearce, The Time Machine
Not unlike Planet of the Apes, this is an example of an alien planet that was once Earth and now no longer is—or at least, it’s not Earth as we (or as Guy Pearce) knew it. That said, even if humans have reverted to a primitive lifestyle, life in 802,701 can’t be so bad if Guy decided to stay there, right?
4. Cillian Murphy, Sunshine
Okay, so the sun is technically a star, but given that all the planets in our solar system revolve around it, we’re given it planet-like importance. But what happens if the sun ever goes out? We’re all screwed, is what—unless we can get Cillian Murphy to take a dangerous trip out there to jump start it. Bonus hot guy: Chris Evans.
5. Harrison Ford, The Empire Strikes Back
Man. Not only did Han Solo get stranded first in Cloud City, then with Jabba the Hutt, but he got frozen in carbonite while it was all happening. Talk about getting the short end of the stick.
More hot guys stuck on weird planets, including Keanu Reeves, up next!