It’s Okay Not to Like Him
How to decide if the guy you’re with is the one for you and what to do if he isn’t.
Almost three years ago, I met a Harvard-educated lawyer by the name of Jeff. Jeff was handsome and funny and really quite nice. Even my mother, who has never been in a rush to get me to the altar, had wedding bells chiming in her head when I called her after our first date.
“He sounds so cute,” she gushed.
“He is,” I said, but I could hear the tightness in my voice, the reservation that somehow cute was not enough.
On date two, Jeff was equally charming, taking me to a lovely restaurant, and lavishing me with attention at the party we attended afterwards. As we drove home, I was practically begging myself to fall in love with him.
“He’s amazing. Come on, do it, do it, just like him. Do you really want to be single forever?” the greedy, wedding-hungry side of myself taunted. I looked over to find him watching me at a stop light, I smiled, and tried to pretend I liked it.
By the time we reached our third date, I knew I couldn’t do it. Because as much as my friends all agreed that he sounded perfect, he wasn’t for me. This inability of mine to “get used to someone,” had kept me single for a while, and I feared I might be single forever. People liked to say I was picky, but the truth was, I was just too damn honest. I wanted to like him. I really, really did, but pretending to like him was just not an option.
Recently, I had a friend go through a similar thing. I watched as she grimaced her way through saying that everything was fine, I grimaced while she searched for the words to explain her feelings for him, and finally, when she was tired of saying, “I’m getting to know him, you know?,” she found out he was on AshleyMadison.com, getting to know other people.
Clearly, the AshleyMadison thing was not her fault. What it did speak to was her underlying feeling that something wasn’t quite right with the guy or their relationship. She is still trying to figure out what she learned from the whole affair, but I think the lesson is simple: it’s okay not to like him. Just because he might want to buy you a three carat diamond, and a house with great hardwoods, there needs to be more.
After “He Sounds Perfect” Jeff and I ended, I started to really evaluate what I wanted in a person. In fact, I made a list. I wrote down the top things I saw as redeeming qualities in a romantic partner based on certain criteria:
Read on for her criteria!…