He Strayed, He Cheated, Stop Blaming Yourself
He might tell you that it’s your fault he’s dating other women. Don’t believe him.
He’s gone off with some other woman and has left you on the sidelines. It’s hard to look at this and not blame yourself because if you were so great, why would he leave you for someone else, right? Wrong.
Men cheat for many reasons and it usually has nothing to do with the women that they are with. Not convinced? Considering the reasons why you shouldn’t blame yourself will help you remove self-blame to free yourself from the responsibility his betrayal.
1. He could have brought up the problems in the relationship
You can’t work on the relationship if you don’t know what is wrong in it. You probably thought everything was A-OK, right up until you found out that he was sleeping with someone else. If he wasn’t happy with the relationship, he could have told you what was bothering him about it so you both could work on it.
The reason why he didn’t bring up any problems with the relationship is because he didn’t have any. He didn’t cheat because he had an issue with the relationship he has with you, he cheated because he has an issue within himself.
This is true even if he tries to tell you that the reason why he cheated is because of you and the relationship. He needs to rationalize his wrongdoings. He can’t blame himself for what he is doing wrong: that would be too earth shattering for him. Instead, it’s easier to blame you.
2. He could have broken up with you
If he didn’t want to work on the relationship, instead of cheating on you, he could have broken up with you.
He didn’t break up with you because he didn’t want to end the relationship with you. Again, his affair has nothing to do with you, it has to do with an internal struggle he is dealing with that he doesn’t know how to cope with and so he copes ineffectively through cheating.
If you ask him why he didn’t break up with you first, he may tell you that he couldn’t hurt you or because of the children. The truth is that he’s already hurt you. More than if he cheated and if he cared so much about preserving the family, he wouldn’t have cheated.
3. You are who you are and that’s awesome
In hindsight, your relationship wasn’t perfect. You can list all of the ways you could have made the relationship better for him so that he wouldn’t have strayed.
No relationship is ever perfect but that is no reason for anyone to cheat. People who are ready for a mature, honest, fulfilling relationship are willing to work through it with their partner. They bring up the problems they notice and work with them to ensure that they are resolved with compromise.
You shouldn’t change who you are because in the end, that won’t make you happy. You can tell yourself that it would have made you more happy than you are now but once you recovery from his cheating ways, you’ll feel much stronger and proud of yourself than you do now.
This strength will propel you into future relationships that will be much more satisfying and secure. You’ll be with someone who will respect you, cherish you for who you are and be committed to the relationship. You’ll be happy, know he’s happy and it will come easy to you. It will feel as though you’ve been rewarded for all of the misery you’re being put through now.
Marcelina Hardy, MSEd is a freelance writer and relationship coach helping individuals improve their relationships and save their marriages from infidelity. Visit her website to download a free report, Is He Cheating On You?