Geek Girl: In Which Graham Norton Is Menaced By Qui-Gon Jinn

Plus: Find out which Hunger Games district you live in, hear the world's oldest "yo' mama” joke, and more!

Geek Girl: In Which Graham Norton Is Menaced By Qui-Gon Jinn

Plus: Find out which Hunger Games district you live in, hear the world’s oldest “yo’ mama” joke, and more!

-Lucia Peters and PJ Gach

Graham Norton

Come on. You KNOW you want to see Graham Norton get menaced by a very tiny Qui-Gon Jinn. We’ve also got a look at the world’s oldest “yo’ mama” joke, news for League of Extraordinary Gentlemen fans, and much, much more—so come on in! The water’s fine!

Which Hunger Games District Do You Live In?


Ever wondered where you would live if you existed in the universe of Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games? Well, someone has finally figured it out. V. Arrow, the author of an unofficial guide to The Hunger Games called The Panem Companion, has come up with what is probably the most accurate map of Panem to have ever graced the Internet. V. Arrow combined passages from the book with some guesses based on tectonic plate formations (fancy!), and the result is pretty fascinating.

Maps of Panem have surfaced before, but most of them only cover the United States. This, V. Arrow points out is inaccurate, as Panem is supposed to encompass all of what had once been North America, not just the States. So guess what, Canadian readers? You get to be in on this, too!… Although most of your country appears to be underwater now. Sorry. That sucks. But don’t worry; according to this map, I live in the wasteland that was once District 13, so we can all be imaginarily destroyed together. The Capital, by the by, is based in Colorado, and the rest of the Districts all fan out from there.

Want the details of how V. Arrow figured it all out? Check out her blog. And may the odds be ever in your favor!

Does The Millennium Falcon Really Exist?

Millennium Falcon

The ocean is dotted with hundreds, if not thousands, of shipwrecks. Some of them date back to the heyday of Ancient Greece and beyond. Wherever there’s a rumor of a shipwreck, you’ll find quite a few treasure hunters looking for sunken treasure.

CNN reports that a Swedish salvage company, Ocean Explorer, may have stumbled upon the Millennium Falcon somewhere under the Baltic Sea. Well, okay, it’s probably not actually a Millennium Falcon (wouldn’t George Lucas be happy, or would he be shocked?), but it’s definitely something that resembles it. Could it be a shipwrecked galleon, a rock formation, or a UFO?

Team leader and diver Peter Lindberg told CNN, “”I have been doing this for nearly 20 years so I have a seen a few objects on the bottom, but nothing like this. We had been out for nine days and we were quite tired and we were on our way home, but we made a final run with a sonar fish and suddenly this thing turned up,”

They used side-scan sonar to find the object. It’s 60 meters (196.9 feet) in diameter with a tail that’s 400 meters (131.2 feet) long. Startled, they did a second pass with the sonar and found another disc-shaped object next to it. Could it have fallen off the first thing? Was it a companion boat? No one’s exactly sure. But archaeologists are also intrigued by this find. Andreas Olsson, head of Sweden’s Maritime Museum would like to know more, but is skeptical that it’s a UFO or a ship. He feels that the sonar scan could be wrong, or that something down there (fish, rocks, Kraken) could have distorted the image.

Ocean Explorer is in the process of raising funds to go back, send down a sub and find out more. What could it be? Only time and money will tell.

The CNN report has more images (yay!) and more information. Check it out and learn more:

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Carries On!

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Whereas last week we had some unfortunate-sounding comic news, this week, we’ve got some pretty exciting comic news instead: Alan Moore is working on another issue of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen! Hoorah!

The news came out during a two-and-a-half hour (!) web chat Moore recently hosted, which, by the way, was called “A Cup of Tea and a Long Winter’s Chat With Alan Moore.” The project, which he is working on with illustrator Kevin O’Neill, is entitled Nemo: Heart of Ice and will be a 48-page Antarctic adventure set in the 1920s. Moore said that 40 pages of the book are written, and the last eight pages will probably be written within the next week, so as to allow Kevin to get started on the art. Ideally, they’re aiming for a fall 2012 release.

The inspiration came from Kevin’s desire to draw something on a “massive scale” and an interest in boy adventurer comics. However, there’s also a lot of H.P. Lovecraft mythology involved as well. Captain Nemo + Antarctica + Lovecraft at the hands of Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill? Sounds awesome to us!

Read Geek Girl: The Muppets vs. Fox News

Awww, Aardvark!


Aardvarks are large, odd-looking animals related to shrews and (believe it or not) elephants. They’re also one of the first entries in most dictionaries. The nocturnal animals can be found rooting for ants and termites in Africa, and a few zoos around the world have them as residents. However, they don’t reproduce much in zoo conditions and aardvarks aren’t great moms. They have a tendency to kick their babies away from them accidentally in their sleep (whoops!). But a few weeks ago, Curly, an aardvark in Belgium’s Antwerpen Zoo, gave birth to baby Nuru. Nuru is the 10th baby aardvark born in the zoo in 50 years! It’s also the first baby for Curly that has survived past birth, and as such, Mom has become very protective of the little one.

They’re both doing really well and are very happy. Check out this cute video of baby Nuru’s very first steps!

And the Star Trek vs. Star Wars Battle Rages On

Picard facepalm

Whenever there are flames to be fanned, you can always count on Graham Norton to be there with some construction paper, several palm fronds, and some sort of heavy-duty electronic device to do the job. Case in point: Patrick “Captain Picard” Stewart and Liam “Qui-Gon Jinn” Neeson recently appeared together on The Graham Norton Show (which, if you don’t watch, you definitely should), where Graham pitted the two against each other.

In action figure form, of course.

Yep: Graham put action figures of Picard and Qui-Gon up against each other and had them duke it out. Qui-Gon is actually a mechanical bank, so it comes to life when you drop a coin in its slot. Graham looks appropriately terrified when it does—as he should; it’s both epic and frightening at the same time. Picard, on the other hand? Well, let’s just say that a Transporter doesn’t quite measure up to a light saber.

No winner was officially declared, but judging for Sir Patrick’s classic Picard facepalm, I think it’s pretty clear what the outcome was.

Watch it here!

The World’s Oldest “Yo’ Mama!” Joke Has Been Found


Yes, you read that right: The oldest recorded joke in existence is a “yo’ mama” joke. In 1976, archaeologist J.J. Van Dijk found an ancient Babylonian tablet on a dig in modern day Iraq. The tablet disappeared mysteriously, but Van Dijk left the material and images behind. Researchers Nathan Wasserman and Michael Streck then went to work on deciphering the images from the lost tablet, and they say that it’s a collection of jokes. Really, really bad jokes. The deciphered information appears in the journal Iraq, published by the British Institute for the Study of Iraq (Getrude Bell Memorial). But hey, at least we know the ancients had a sense of humor. One starts to wonder whether they also had ancient comedy clubs and what ancient hecklers could have thrown at comics who were tanking?

Anyway, the jokes might have been hilarious back then, like this one:

“He gouged out the eye:

It is not the fate of a dead man.

He cut the throat: A dead man (-Who is it?)

Answer: The governor.”

Or this one: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial – a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”

But here’s the one you’ve been waiting for: The oldest known “yo’ mama” joke!

“…of your mother is by the one who has intercourse with her. What/who is it?

[No answer]

Ba ding!”

Don’t worry. We don’t get it either.

Lucia Peters is BettyConfidential’s associate editor.

PJ Gach is Senior Style + Beauty Editor at BettyConfidential.

Photos 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

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