It doesn’t matter how old you are, flirting remains the best way to build a quick connection with a man in the “I think you’re hot and would be interested in going out with you” way.

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When I suggest that to the over-forty women in my dating workshops and coaching programs, I can see them cringe. Most of these otherwise outgoing women have no idea how to flirt, and many consider it childish and classless.

I have news for you. Here is what you get when you don’t flirt with nice men: a nice conversation. That’s it. But you’re not looking for a buddy, right? You want to be asked out.

Here are four ways to flirt with flair and get that date:

1. Compliment him: Have you ever noticed that we use compliments to connect with other women? “I love your purse!” “Your job sounds amazing!” “You crack me up!”

Why don’t you do that with men? Granted, it takes a different approach, but everyone likes to be complimented. Men love to know that you think them to be smart, capable, fascinating, and funny. A sincere compliment in those areas will take you a huge step forward toward connection. (Ahem: note the word “sincere.”)

Tell him when you agree with something he says, ask his opinion, let him suggest a book or restaurant, laugh at his jokes, or tell him his business sounds interesting.

You can tell him he has nice eyes, and he’ll appreciate it. But that won’t go so far as these more substantive compliments. The confident, grown-up kind good guys need to hear much more than you just think he’s cute.