Desperately Dating: 'Twilight' Almost Killed My Relationship

Sometimes you forget what you see in movie should never, ever happen in real life.

Desperately Dating: ‘Twilight’ Almost Killed My Relationship

Sometimes you forget what you see in movie should never, ever happen in real life.

-Gianine Nelson

 edward cullen bella swann robert pattinson kstew

I was sitting in my cubicle at work doing my daily routine; that is, pretending to be working when I am really on Facebook. I heard someone approaching, so I quickly minimized Farmville. It was Kathy, my annoying co-worker. I knew it was her because I heard the sounds from her Avon jingle bell earrings that she wore every year at Christmas time.

I spun my chair around and desperately tried to greet her with a smile. Kathy proceeded to invite me on a girls night out to catch the new Twilight movie. I declined her invite. I explained to her  that I wasn’t a follower; in other words, I had never seen any of the movies, nor had I  read the books. Well, by her reaction, you would have thought I just admitted to killing someone and hiding them in my basement. She shrieked: “YOU DID NOT SEE TWILIGHT?” Needless to say, the very next day Kathy brought in the entire Twilight saga for me to watch. Oh, and the latest Avon catalog. I graciously accepted these offerings, but only because she also included some glazed donuts for my viewing pleasure.

The following weekend, Tank, my Italian Stallion boyfriend, went on a hunting trip with his friends. Translation: A bunch of men getting drunk in some cabin and playing poker. I had no plans and no motivation. Therefore, I decided to watch Kathy’s damn Twilight DVDs. Like the others before it, the newest Avon catalog made it to the top of the pile o’books on the back of my commode.

Into the first 20 minutes of the first DVD, I quickly became enamored with Edward, replaying every scene where he graced his chiseled pale face upon. I stayed up all night to watch all three movies and then hit the Sunday Matinee to see Breaking Dawn. I had to fight a 16 year-old girl for the last front seat by giving her my gummi bears to get her to move her Hollister wearing ass. My new obsession had turned me into a bribing bully and brought on a total depression about my love life. I mean Tank was nice, but he never came through my window and watched me sleep, or followed me wherever I went to make sure I was safe. Who am I kidding? I would probably call the police if he did any of that, thinking he was nuttier then a Payday bar, but you know what I mean. I didn’t want to settle anymore. I wanted someone to love me like Edward loves Bella. I wanted spine tingling, earth shattering, would-walk-through-fire-for- you love.

Read Desperately Dating: Don’t Judge a Guy by His Clothes

Thanks to Kathy and my own need for romance, my Twilight addiction continued throughout the week. She provided me with the books and, in return, I provided her with an order for three gallons worth of Skin So Soft. I avoided Tank’s calls like the plague. I just couldn’t face him knowing I was mentally cheating on him for days with a fictional teen age vampire. I knew I couldn’t allow this to go on forever. I couldn’t just spend my nights and weekends locked in an apartment wishing I was 15 years younger and living in Forks, Washington. I couldn’t live in regret for my past horrible relationship decisions either. I spent a lot of money on shrinks, booze, and shoes to heal those wounds already. I needed help and knew just where to get it. I went to the one person who I hoped could straighten me out, my Mother.

When I called my Mom, she could tell by the tone of my voice it was serious, so she made sure her chocolate chip cookies would be ready for me upon arrival. My Mom and I talked for an hour about my recent Twilight breakdown. She assured me this was all normal and I was kind of going through some kind of early mid life crisis. She even admitted going through a similar situation when Pride and Prejudice came out. She told me for about two weeks after she saw the movie, she would look at my father in disgust because he didn’t have an English accent or ride a horse.

She also told me that even though a man never fought a werewolf for me or miraculously stopped  moving vehicles from hitting me, it doesn’t mean I never was truly loved. She then made up a tray of cookies and insisted I bring them to Tank.

I arrived at Tank’s full of anxiety and excuses. I was hoping the cookies would blow the whole not calling him for four days situation off. They didn’t, as I could see he was pretty ticked. Obviously, chocolate doesn’t easily persuade him as it does me. Maybe I should have brought beef jerky instead? I decided to just tell him the truth. Everything except the gummi bears bribery, which was way too embarrassing. Surprisingly, Tank took my Twilight-induced depression very well. In fact, I believe it made him like me even more knowing I had such a sensitive side. We then spent the rest of our evening in Tank’s bedroom, where he was determined to show me some made up vampire had nothing over him. It worked. Edward might have satisfied my romantic fantasy world, but Tank is doing one hell of a good job taking care of my real one.

In a previous life, Gianine Nelson was a college student studying Nutrition and working in the medical field. After spending time contemplating the human condition, she decided her addiction to donuts and writing about the crazy world of dating was her true passion.

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0 thoughts on “Desperately Dating: 'Twilight' Almost Killed My Relationship

  1. Trudy says:

    Love, love, love this one! Keep ‘em coming Gianine. Very entertaining and keeps you wanting more. Wish your stories were longer!

  2. Melfunkshn says:

    This made me laugh. I’ve never seen or read any Twilight, and now I’m sure I never will!

  3. Luna says:

    I swear it also ruined a part of me,I know it’s going to sound stupid but I been feeling depressed for like the past month,my sister and my friend were so exited to go watch twilight breaking dawn part 1 and I just didn’t understand what was the whole fuzz about because I had just watched the first twilight movie , and my friend couldn’t believe I never watched the other 2 movies ,so she asked me to go with her and my sister to the theater the first Monday twilight breaking dawn came out, so I said “sure why not” , so on Sunday I decided to watch eclipse and new moon so I could understand breaking dawn when I would watch it, so I did and yes I got knots in my throat and maby a few tears came down but u had no idea how I felt after that I fell in love with the vampire character Edward Cullen , I was so anxious so watch him again so I desperately searched for breaking dawn online only because I couldn’t wait a cuple of hours to go watch it at the theater (it was already 6 in the morning) , so I found breaking dawn and I watched it, after that I felt like I was in the sky floating imagining edward in every corner of my room,even thinking he was watching me sleep at nights, I would get so depressed because I couldn’t be with him , and no it wasn’t because I was in need of love…I am a 21 year old in a 3 year old relationship with a guy that loves me so much and I Also love him with all my heart too, I just don’t know what’s going on, I just feel heart broken , my mind knows he is just a made up character but my heart doesent, I been trying to convince myself ,,hopefully with time this obsession will go away.,.

  4. mpnatale says:

    Luna–I completely understand how you feel! I mean, almost the same exact scenario happened to me! I am also in my 20s and have been with the same guy for like an eternity. But Edward!! I am addicted and not sure when it will fade. Nothing or no one else compares–and it sucks. Trust me, girl that you are not alone on this. I am trying to stay away from the movies for a while hoping it will help–may be that is the solution for you.

  5. gypsum says:

    Why am I the only person completely disgusted by this article???? grow some tits all of you…… First and foremost vampires are not vegetarian , do not date teenage girls, and they do not for crying out loud glitter….. next all i can say is really? its creepy, stalker-ish (and if you have never been stalked let me tell you following you around and watching you sleep is NOT romantic), and immature to boot. SOME people in this world have real problems… GROW UP …..

  6. Luna says:

    @gypsum- look who’s even assuming vampires are even real..clearly not me..all I said was I fell in love with Edwards character , just the way he treats Bella and he’s like so mysterious ..my bf is over protective too believe me I dnt like it, there’s just somthinh about Edward, and no I dnt even think he’s dat good looking, and about the stalking, dude I know how it feels to b stalked it’s disgusting and Im so sick of it!, ..but hey he doesent know right??? It’s not like I’m harassing anyone.,it’s all good

  7. Luna says:

    @mpnatale-yes girl I’m trying to avoid the movies cus it just doesent help to forget , but it’s hard cus I wanna c more of him!

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