Debating Dating a Lesbian

Does gay evoke more clout than stigma these days?

Betty Blogger

Debating Dating a Lesbian

Does gay evoke more clout than stigma these days?

-Heidi Isern

artimg06882.jpgOh, just another Friday night in San Francisco … wearing the cashmere “it” scarf at the start of summer, pairing wine with sopressata sausage,and debating being set up with one of the city’s new power lesbians.

Yes, you heard that right. I ate pork and debated dating women on the same night.

My friend Mazz and I went to a fabulous new wine, cheese and salumi paradise. While waiting to be seated, we met two amazing women – Bonique and Lisa. The two well-dressed ladies knew their wine better than the sommelier at Gary Danko. Mazz swooned as Lisa hand picked the perfect matches to our upcoming plate of aged chevre and fenneled fancy pork bits.

We assumed Bonique and Lisa were like us, fashionable females taking a break from men to have a friendly girl dinner. After laughing over city tales, we decided to join the ladies for dinner. Four girls is always better than two, right? During the first course we chatted about B&L’s shared hobbies, shared art collections and shared Sonoma real estate. Shared? It finally dawned on us that Bonique and Lisa were much more friendly than friends…

The two were the dynamic duo of the 2000′s. Sexy, wine-savvy, and well-invested even in the worst of financial crises. And they were gay.

Gay, however, seems to evoke more clout these days than stigma. Today the word “lesbian” does not mean butch or jock or drab. Rather it means power, sophistication and open mindedness. Svelte Bonique and Lisa could somehow reference art, politics, Manolos and stinky cheese in the same sentence. While chatting to B&L, we noticed another lesbian couple across the room giving each other a dainty kiss over a $200 bottle of wine. They were also wearing Chanel boots. Lesbian women rock.

Could I too enter the realm of the hip homosexuals?

Perhaps it was all the wine, but it appeared that this category of women had everything on my list. They could deliver where no man had been able to. Now, could I just convince myself to be okay kissing a girl’s cherry Chapstick mouth?

Bonique read my tormented mind and offered to set me up with a friend of hers -someone who was a five-star restaurant regular, owned a yacht and competed in biking. This person was also a woman; a tall blond-haired, blue-eyed, leggy woman.

My mind raced to the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte tried to get in with the city’s power lesbians. It seemed such a beautiful world. I remember she was so ecstatic to be in a world where everyone had her same interests and dreams. The magical place where people talk Wall Street AND Vogue. But I also remember that in order to stay in this world, she had to be okay with a little beaver. And I do not mean the woodland creature. Could I beaver it without cringing?

I pondered Bonique’s offer for a set up. Let’s face it. While a yacht ride may be nice I don’t think I can be more romantic with a woman than crying together during Love Actually. For when it comes to a partner’s sexual equipment, I sure am biased toward the male version. Sadly, I had to give Bonique and her entourage the “Let’s just be friends” line. But unlike my statement deliveries to most men, I sincerely meant it. These women are too much fun to lose completely.

Read Heidi’s last blog, “Four Flirting Pitfalls

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14 thoughts on “Debating Dating a Lesbian

  1. Carolyn88 says:

    I remember that SATC episode! Great article Heidi!

  2. kitty says:

    Yeah — gee — being gay is so “cool” — unless you want to have equal rights and be allowed to get married.

  3. needcoffee says:

    i know a lot of women who feel the same way!

  4. Fern says:

    oh come on, you should at least try one date before you give her the “just friends” line…you never know!

  5. lotsowritin25 says:

    yeah sounds like charlotts from SATC haha and that episode of will&grace where edie falco was a power lesbian. hot.

  6. Carolyn88 says:

    OMG Will & Grace is, er was, the best! Both the writing and the acting is phenomenal :D

  7. Rei says:

    Being a lesbian doesn’t automatically mean you’re successful, pretty and rich. I don’t know a single lesbian like that, and I’m sure that there’s pleanty of women that are straight and the same.
    Every lesbian I’ve ever met has been a complete bitch to me behind my back. But girls don’t like me anyways.
    Stereotyping ftl.

  8. kindc says:

    I am personally offended by this article. Going on a fabulous date to experience the

  9. topcane44 says:

    Hear, hear! @kindc. I, too, was offended by the article. The author comes off as extremely ignorant, describing lesbians as a novelty and nothing more.

  10. hisern says:

    Dear readers,

    Please know that these postings are never meant to offend or disturb and I do apologize if I have done so. This column is meant to be a satirical approach to San Francisco dating, not a fact based article or politically correct editorial. As a Californian I have fought hard against proposition 8 and any other measures that try to limit rights based on sexuality. I have gay friends and family and truly do empathize with the constant fight for equality. My blog postings are meant to poke fun at stereotypes, strange dating encounters, and constant struggle to find happiness with ourselves and our love lives (or ahem, lack thereof). Gay, straight, alpha, or geek….if we cannot laugh at ourselves than the world is a dire place indeed.

  11. Lokifan says:

    @hisern: I do see that you weren’t trying to be offensive, and it’s good to be able to laugh at ourselves. But you weren’t laughing – well, writing a jokey article about how amazing it is to be a lesbian – at a community you’re part of. Those of us who aren’t straight are able to laugh at ourselves, but we’re still not going to react well when straight people laugh at us.

  12. Lokifan says:

    @hisern: I do see that you weren’t trying to be offensive, and it’s good to be able to laugh at ourselves. But you weren’t laughing – well, writing a jokey article about how amazing it is to be a lesbian – at a community you’re part of. Those of us who aren’t straight are able to laugh at ourselves, but we’re still not going to react well when straight people laugh at us.

  13. Lokifan says:

    @hisern: I do see that you weren't trying to be offensive, and it's good to be able to laugh at ourselves. But you weren't laughing – well, writing a jokey article about how amazing it is to be a lesbian – at a community you're part of. Those of us who aren't straight are able to laugh at ourselves, but we're still not going to react well when straight people laugh at us.

  14. Lokifan says:

    Bugger – sorry guys, I hit ‘submit’ too many times!

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