Death of the First Date Kiss
Why aren’t guys kissing on first dates anymore?
I was on a date with a man named Peter when it happened. For all intents and purposes, our first coffee encounter had been a success. Peter is a funny lawyer and I am a secretary who likes to laugh. I had flounced my hair repeatedly throughout the course of the evening, and Peter got up twice to get me accoutrements for my café. So when Peter walked me to my car, asked me out on a second date, and leaned in for the big… hug, I felt like I had been cheated. Why would he settle on the hug?
“They’re pussies,” my friend Kate explained later on the phone.
“Really? All of them?”
I might have been feeling better about this if it hadn’t become a pattern on so many of my dates. There would be shared jokes and mutual attraction. They would ask me out for date two. I would imagine them in various boyfriend-like settings. And then the end of the night would come and bupkus.
And I like a first date kiss. In fact, according to Chip Walter in Scientific American (February 2008), so do most prospective mates, “Kisses can convey important information about the status and future of a relationship. At the extreme, a bad first kiss can abruptly curtail a couple’s future.”
Because that’s the thing: I don’t want to waste their time and I don’t want to waste mine, and if this was an Olympic competition, which dating has pretty much become these days, I would include “kissing” as one of my main judging categories. But more and more, I am finding that dates are like an ice skating exhibition with no jumps.
And I want some freaking jumps.