In Hollywood, there are currently two trendy ways to expand your family--and no, we're not talking about surrogacy or foreign adoption. We're talking about canine or human! Sure, Kate Hudson, Natalie Portman, and Jennifer Connelly might be sporting tiny tummies and preparing designer nurseries. But Kelly Osbourne just welcomed Blue, a Doberman, Ashley Greene is now raising a Toy Fox Terrier named Theodore (a gift from boyfriend Joe Jonas) and Mandy Moore added a rescue, Jackson to her already crowded household (besides husband Ryan Adams she has another dog and two cats).

So if you're also ready to expand your family, should you go the baby route, a la Kate, Natalie and Jennifer? Or maybe go with the perfect starter-baby, a puppy, like Kelly, Ashley or Mandy? We think that many dog lovers (and perhaps some under-appreciated moms!) would lean towards the latter. Clearly, for women who dress their petite pups up in ruffled dresses, cashmere sweaters and glitter nail polish, there is scant difference.

Anyway, here is a comprehensive Betty analysis there that you in no way should use to decide anything at all! And if you really can’t choose whether to buy a crib or a crate, maybe try a goldfish first.

1. Toilet-Training

A baby wears diapers for up to three years. Until then? You wipe, powder and wrap his/her little butt up like a burrito. A puppy goes diaper-free and generally learns where and when to go within months.

2. Walking The Walk

Puppies start strolling by a month old. Their human counterparts don’t master upright mobility until around a year.

3. Cuddling On Cue

This one is a tie. There really isn’t anything better than snuggling a sleepy baby. Of course, that treasured time is fleeting and while your little human angel will grow into a sometimes tantrum-throwing toddler (and then tantrum-throwing teenager) a huggable puppy will likely grow into a lovable lapdog.

4. Playing Ball

Okay, so you were never a star on your school’s softball or soccer team. Your dog doesn’t care if you were All-American or all fumbles, just as long as you show up to play. Your budding Little Leaguer, however, may ask for a new coach when he sees you throw or kick “like a girl”.

5. Destroying Your Property

This one is close. Yes, a puppy can make your house look like the world’s largest chew toy. But puppies who gnaw couches usually turn into relatively docile dogs who are increasingly devoted to you, while children who scribble with crayons on walls usually turn into relatively well-adjusted young adults...who leave you to go to college.

Verdict: Puppy by a wet nose.

Amy Levin-Epstein is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in over 20 print and online publications. She was previously an editor at Best Life magazine and, more recently, Page Six magazine.