Ask The Mouthy Housewives: Why Are His Eyes Closed During Sex?!
Is he fantasizing about someone else?
-The Mouthy Housewives
Joining us here at BettyConfidential … The Mouthy Housewives! These lovely, models of decorum (Kelcey, Wendi, Marinka, Kristine and Tonya) want our lives to be as fabulous as theirs, thus they’re happy to ignore their families to give us smart, cheeky advice. So pop open a box of rosé, put on your favorite Barry Manilow CD and let the Housewives Swiffer away your troubles … Every week they’ll be answering burning questions from readers.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m embarrassed to ask this question, but here it goes. I noticed that when my boyfriend and I are intimate, he keeps his eyes closed. My previous lovers definitely kept their eyes open during sex. Do you think that means he’s fantasizing about other women?
There are a few reasons why your lover may have his eyes closed, like maybe he’s thinking about other (more attractive) women, his ex-girlfriends or perhaps your best friend. Or he could just be really, really bored and sort of dozing off.
But because you mentioned that he’s a man, we can safely disregard the second option, so chances are he’s thinking about someone else.
The only way you’ll know for sure is if you ask him, preferably while in flagrante delicto. And don’t just ask, accuse. Something along the lines of ,”Who is she, damn it?” Keep a flashlight nearby and aim it at his eyelids. Oh, don’t worry, he’ll open his eyes alright. You’ll be shocked by how wide.
Once you cross-examine him about why exactly he keeps his eyes closed, you’ll probably never see him again, but at least you’ll know the answer. And I think we can all agree that indulging our curiosity is more important than a nurturing relationship.
I’m from the school that says if everyone’s enjoying sex, it’s all good. (It’s a small school and we get shockingly little public funding.) And who cares if he’s thinking of running through the meadow while holding hands with you or having Heidi Klum lead a conga line of Victoria’s Secret models to him? It will only matter if you have insecurities about the relationship, and I suspect that it has more to do with you than with whether your honey keeps his eyes open during sex.
Besides, I consulted some hedonists and they swear that it’s a human instinct to close your eyes while experiencing pleasure. Which explains why I eat Haagen-Dasz with my eyes closed. And also why I don’t realize that I’ve eaten the whole pint until it’s too late.
And now, here’s our free sex tip – close your eyes! Thinking about England is optional.
Marinka, The Mouthy Housewives
The Mouthy Housewives spend our days solving the world’s problems and our nights playing classical piano and reading fine literature. Or maybe just yelling at reality TV shows. Need our help? Send your question to firstname.lastname@example.org. (All questions are confidential.) And you can find more smart, cheeky advice at The Mouthy Housewives.