Ask the Mouthy Housewives: How Do I Shake the Hex of My Boyfriend’s Ex?
It’s a sticky situation when an ex interferes—especially when there are kids involved.
-The Mouthy Housewives
Joining us here at BettyConfidential … The Mouthy Housewives! These lovely models of decorum (Kelcey, Wendi, Marinka, Kristine and Tonya) want our lives to be as fabulous as theirs, thus they’re happy to ignore their families to give us smart, cheeky advice. So pop open a box of rosé, put on your favorite Barry Manilow CD and let the Housewives Swiffer away your troubles … Every week they’ll be answering burning questions from readers.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I have been happily dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. There is only one problem in our relationship: his ex-wife.
My boyfriend and his ex have a 2 1/2 year old daughter together. So, I try to stay out of the way, and even respect his ex’s wishes enough to not live or sleep over when he has the little girl. Even though I adore her and I am around her 50% of the time that she is with her dad.
But nothing I have done so far is good enough for his ex, the Wicked Witch of the West. I’ve even tried staying out of her way yet she still brings me into it.
Frankly, I’d rather just acetone her car but that wouldn’t solve anything. So what in God’s great creation am I supposed to be doing? I’m not going to turn and run because the witch will just keep on torturing everyone else. Plus, I love my boyfriend and his little girl.
I’ve Got The Solvent, Now Where’s The Ex’s Car?
That’s a very long name. I’m winded just writing the letters. Can I just call you Apple, or how about Zuma?
Actually, LeAnn Rimes, is that you? Writing in to The Mouthy Housewives about Eddie’s ex on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?
No, no, wait, that’s not possible. Given LeAnn’s current muscle to skeleton ratio it would be impossible for her to even pick up a pen and write us a letter much less have the wherewithal to construct an actual sentence! But hey, now you know that should you decide to dabble in script writing you’ve got the perfect reality show to sell to Bravo!
I give you a lot of credit for trying to respect your boyfriend’s ex’s wishes and for putting in a lot of thought and care for his daughter. But it sounds like no matter what you do it may never be enough for the ex.
Some key factors that may be playing a part in her behavior, and to which you might want the answers, are:
1) How did their relationship end? Was it her decision or his?
2) Her daughter was only 6 months when you guys started dating. This isn’t quite Bridget Moynahan vs. Gisele Bundchen, but it’s close. Could this be hurting her? To see her daughter bond with another woman?
3) Does she have someone else in her life? Similar to the relationship you and your boyfriend have? Could she be jealous?
Of course, none of these answers is an excuse for her to act the way that she does but it may at least help you to understand her a little bit better.
I would suggest the three (or four, if she also has a new partner in her life) of you sit down for a discussion. Try and find a way to communicate, not for yourselves but for the little girl.
But you must also remember to stick up for yourself. It’s been very honorable of you to allow the ex-wife to call the shots as to when you are around her daughter BUT (big but here) there is also a point where you should stand up for yourself, your relationship with your boyfriend, and your love of the little girl too. You have been around for two years now. His daughter knows you and knows that this isn’t just some fling. It’s time to stop letting the ex control everything. It’s possible she has realized that her freak-outs get her what she wants. Stand up to her and tell her what you and your boyfriend need now.
At the end of the day, if she is still acting like the Wicked Witch of the West, you just need to realize, as Chris Rock put it best: “That *itch is crazy!”Alas, whether it’s an ex-wife, a mother-in-law, a best friend, or even a pet, our loved ones always come with some kind of baggage that we have to deal with to the best of our abilities. And unfortunately, or so I’ve been told, you can’t run over all the folks in your partner’s life that annoy you. It’s a real bummer.
The Mouthy Housewives spend our days solving the world’s problems and our nights playing classical piano and reading fine literature. Or maybe just yelling at reality TV shows. Need our help? Send your question to firstname.lastname@example.org. (All questions are confidential.) And you can find more smart, cheeky advice at The Mouthy Housewives.