Fake It ‘Till You Make It, The Bikini-Body Edition
6 totally superficial beauty & style tips to help you own the pool this summer.
Well, shoot. And by shoot I mean sh&*. Here it is almost Memorial Day weekend and I forgot to lose 5 15 25 pounds and get into teeny-weeny bikini body mode. Gosh darn that baby weight, amirite? (Oh hai my kid is 11, so?) Well, frig it! Even though it’s been a while since I “rocked” a bikini, and even though I wish I was in better shape and hadn’t been eating carbs for the last, oh, 15 years, and that [fill in body complaint here], I’m not going to let that stop me from enjoying some pool time this weekend. And neither should you.
Now — I do believe that beauty comes from within, and is in large part due to self-confidence and attitude. That’s being said, I personally find I feel better (i.e.: am more confident) when I’m a little gussied up. Is that totally superficial and shallow? Maybe — who cares?! Ergo: here are some of the things that can help give your bathing suit confidence a little boost. They help me!
1. Fake bake.
And I don’t mean in a death trap tanning bed, missie. I mean get yourself a spray tan or do the deed at home.
Try: Philosophy’s Here Comes The Sun™ Age-Defense Gradual Glow Self-Tanner For Face ($25.95, Amazon.com) and the new lightweight, easy to apply gel from St. Tropez for your bod. ($35, sttropez.com). I have personally used and like both those products, however there are a zillion options at the drugstore too. Don’t forget to exfoliate first!
While you’re at it, why not slather some cray-cray sounding products on your thighs? I’ve been testing out “Time to Shape Up” Creme from L’Occitane, which is part of their delicious Almond body care collection. Made with almond bud extracts and almond proteins, it promises to refine and tighten the skin. Is it working? I kind of think so! And that’s what matters, right? ($48, usa.loccitane.com)
2. Get smooth.
If, like me, you are prone to using whatever razor you can scrouge up / steal from the lucky person who shares your bathroom, do yourself a favor and step it up a bit. I just tried the new Gillette Venus & Olay razor. It’s awesome. With five blades and Olay moisture bars, it’s like the Rolls Royce of re-fillable razors. Pair it with Satin Care shaving gel and your legs will be in LEG HEAVEN. Mine are so happy right now — especially after that incident last week that had me walking around the house with tiny bits of toilet paper stuck to my shins like Don Draper had a bad morning. ($11.99, drugstore.com)
3. Hello, mani-pedi!
Do I really need to elaborate on the benefits of freshly pampered and polished toes? Non. However — if you don’t have time or moola for the whole shebang, grab some Sally Hansen Insta-Dry Nail Color and slap it on your toes. It’s like 4 dollars and dries practically instantaneously! I’m partial to “Sonic Boom” myself, so I’m showing a gigantic photo of it here.
4. Pucker up.
What — doesn’t everyone wear lipstick to the pool?! Sometimes I like a va-va-voom red, but this weekend I think I’m in a luscious tangeriney-coral mood. Unfortunately, Clinique’s gorgeous Limited Edition “Runway Coral” is already sold out online (keep your eyes out!). BUT — my one of my all-time favorite makeup brands is Jemma Kidd Makeup School. Try her Hi-Shine Hydrating Glosstick SPF in “Holders.”
It looks more pink in this photo than in real life — it’s actually a gorgeous coral delight. I love the glosstick formulations because it’s smooth and lush but not stickygooey like some lip-glosses. Plus it has a “light plumping” active ingredient called Maxi Lip. Perfection. ($25, beauty.com)
5. Cover-up … sexily. I’m a big fan of the flattering cover-up. First, you need a glamorous hat.
This Croft & Barrow Radical Paper Floppy Hat in black from Kohl’s is on sale. It says, “I am a glamorous woman of mystery, thinking sultry thoughts whilst simultaneously not getting skin cancer. Worship me.” (
$30 $15, kohls.com)
But you can no doubt find an equally cute on on sale somewhere like Marshall’s or TJ Maxx.
6. Pack wisely.
Cart all your gear in this ultra roomy and tres adorable Simply Vera Vera Wang Brushstroke Canvas Beach Tote — just the place for your towel, sunblock (SUNBLOCK IS SEXY, YOU GUYS!), wedges, and your copy of 50 Shades. ($18, Kohls.com)