Dear Jake Gyllenhaal,

Donnie Darko really scared the crap out of me. I was 14-years old when it came out, and that horrifying mutant bunny that would appear in your bathroom mirror haunted my dreams for weeks. Even so, I watched that movie multiple times, and couldn’t bring myself to change the channel whenever it was on. You could say I overcame my fear just to watch you. That’s how mesmerizing you are.

You were pretty young then, too – 20-years old. Your face was soft from adolescence, with those pouty lips and those big blue-green eyes. When you smiled, everyone watching could tell, “This kid is going to make it big.”

It didn’t even matter that you came from a famous family, that your parents and sister, Maggie, were all in the business, or that your godparents were Paul Newman and Jamie Lee Curtis. You had the looks and the talent to make it on your own. And I’m so glad you did. You graduated from Bubble Boy to The Good Girl, then Moonlight Mile to The Day After Tomorrow and Zodiac.

Read Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway Get Intimate!

Now, you’re starring alongside Anne Hathaway in Love and Other Drugs. I was lucky enough to catch a screening of the flick two weeks ago, and all I can say is W-O-W. You are stupefyingly good-looking. Simply amazing to look at. I spent a full 110 minutes wanting to reach out and kiss that beautiful face on the screen. Anne Hathaway is a very lucky gal to get to do all of those sexy and naked love scenes with you. And, you really show off your acting chops in this one. You play the part of a quick-witted and confident ladies man with an endearing sensitive side so well, I’m convinced that’s what you’re really like in person.

There’s evidence from your personal life to back that up. You’ve had serious, long-term relationships with Kirsten Dunst, Natalie Portman and Reese Witherspoon, but you’ve also reportedly been linked to Jennifer Aniston, Isabel Lucas, snowboarder Gretchen Bleiler, and the latest, Taylor Swift. A true ladies man with a sensitive side, indeed.