I think that there are of course exceptions to the saying "once a cheater always a cheater"...and that nobody should frown on a woman for staying with someone who has cheated on her because circumstances differ. That being said, I don't know if I personally would be able to get over being cheated on.

I really like that this article was written. Bravo, April. And I completely agree with @blondeambition. Nobody should frown on women who stay with a man who's cheated.

Blonde... honestly, it's hard to do so. It still creeps up into my mind every now and again.

As an infidelity expert frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news, this is a question I get asked all the time:. Why do women stay with men who cheat? The reasons vary according to the woman, her circumstances, the type of infidelity, and the man she’s dealing with.

The reasons are very varied. Some of them are not at all what you’d expect. But the bottom line is that each woman must decide for herself based on what’s in her (and her children’s) best interests. And it's not an easy decision to make.

Very insightful article.....The women interviewed for this article showed enormous commitment and respect not just for themselves and their children, but for the sacredness of marriage.....while I don't always believe the best thing for a couple is to stay together, I do believe that there needs to be some self-examination and sacrifice, particulary of pride and ego, before deciding to walk away from a marriage.

Wonderful article, April! It is so easy to judge couples under these circumstances, but we have to remember the many issues involved in the breakup of a marriage.

i think i agree with it mostly.. but not all. i dont really believe the self examination stuff. while yes there are a lot of if onlys and maybe i should haves, if it was a problem for your man then he should have been adult enough to try to have a conversation about it before he turned to someone else. so yes there are things that maybe you should have done but he for SURE should have tried to talk to you about it.

I would never judge anyone who decided to stay. Heck im sure there are other things going on that i dont know about so i have no right to judge what the woman decides is best for her and her family.

I agree. Sometimes a woman has to sit back and think of ALL aspects of her/their life before deciding to work it through or leave. Personally I didn't have any "hard" evidence of my ex husband cheating with a mutual friend. But it looked odd that when our problems were getting bad she would always seem to be a big part of our life and when they were good we hardly heard from her. There were odd signs and he ALWAYS had a new excuse for everthing. Givin this wasn't the only problem we had that caused me to want a divorce but it was a HUGE supplier. We worked on our marriage and family for about a year after I left the house before I decided I wanted a divorce. And after reading this and another article entitled "6 signs he's cheating" there is almost no doubt in my mind he was.

I have never judged someone for staying or leaving. I've helped a couple friends decide what they should do my making known all possibilities and possible solutions I could think of and leaving it to them to talk to their "other" and decide the best course of action. However I agree with Shelby, if there was something going on in the relationship that "caused him" to cheat he should have grown a pair and talked about it to make the issue at least known instead of turning to the arms (or bed) of another. That's NO WAY to fix or confront ANYTHING!!!!

Women may stay because they truly believe in their marriage vow committment to stay together till death. Or they might feel that they have done nothing wrong and to break the marriage and don't desire to destabilize family life for their kids. Although the "other woman" is frequently told that the odds of the man leaving his wife are slim, it seems to actually happen frequently enough that the wife leaves him (or makes him leave). I'm not sure if male infidelity is actually happening more often, or if in this age of the easy documentation of proof via cell phone cameras and internet postings to social media sites it seems to be an almost monthly occurrence of yet another high-profile man's indiscretion. Although Ms. Rodham-Clinton was mentioned as the poster-woman of women who stay with men who cheat, I can't help but thinking of Maurice Templesman wife. For those of you ladies posting to this site who are in your 20's & 30's you may not be aware of him. For those of you who came of age in the "post-Camelot" era of Jackie Kennedy Onassis' golden time, you'll remember the fanfare. For sure, Jackie was our collective American princess and golden girl. Nonetheless, I was disappointed in that she and Mr. Templesman chose to pursue and maintain a relationship. Especially after she had experienced the infamous infidelity of her husband, John F. Kennedy. Mr. Templesman (and she, by association)justified cheating on his wife. One of the justifications I remember sadly reading about was that his marriage was in name only and had been over for many years. So, I concluded, even if that is true, is that supposed to make it O.K.? If that were really true, why not get a divorce - or if divorce is not practical, at least get a lagal seperation. Interestingly, Mrs. Templesman did not think there marriage was in name only and that she had done nothing wrong. She believed in her marriage vows and not in divorce. I also remember reading that she also did not want to give in and let her nemisis (Jackie) win. She was also upset with people who felt that because her husband and Jackie were so public with their relationship (discreet but public enough)and had been seeing each other for quite a number of years, that you know, he should just get out their way and give him a divorce. I coudn't help but wonder how those giving that advice would feel when/if thye ere on the receiving end of a cheating spouse whom they still loved and felt committed to. Mrs. Tempelsman said she could hold her head up high and ignore the naysayers because she had not done anything wrong. She felt it important to continue being true to her honestly felt beliefs.

Having experienced a cheating partner, I continued in the relationship for awhile hoping, and then activley trying to work things out. I also adored him, from the moment we met in 1984, and still do, even though our relationship ended after several years, because of his inability to be fathful. I just couldn't be like the woman he married who knew he was a "friendly" guy, but felt he wouldn't do anything to affect her and their children's cushioned surburban life. She regarded the "stories that got back to her as just that, saying that he did not want a divorce, valued their home life. It was interesting, that as I continued to hear that that was true, I also heard that he was not happy with their sex life, even though I had since married and was of course no longer seeing him, through friends-in-common and former co-workers, I heard disappointing, but not surprising stories of infidelity, including observances work. It's almost as if he wanted to get caught. what amazed me is that after all of this, over a span over 20 years now, out of the blue, still married, he tracked me down, now that I am seperated from my husband, and called, hoping to take me on an out-of-town getaway that he goes on alone once a year to build homes for the needy. Someone else might be flattered that the desire is still there, but I was saddened, even though he is still gorgeous, so I hear. His reasoning, I vacation in that town anyway, so it'd look like we'd just bumped into each other. Right.

One last comment. Why women stya - like my new sister-in-law - a foreigner-she doesn't know a lot about this country an dmy brother's previous life. AT 34, she is 17 years younger than him, somewhat sheltered, she is dependent on him for many things. He cheats by telling her he's taking the car to get it fixed and then to get this hair cut, then to visit his son from a previous relationship. He says there is a lot of waiting for the car and the haircut even though he has an appointment "because the shops are always overbooked and everything just takes longet than planned, you can't put a specific time on how long it will rake to complete", so it will "take all day". He tells her she can't go with him because she needs to take care of things (he has asked/assigned her to do) around the house. then he'll pick her up at the end of th eday an dthey'll go grocery shopping or to a movie. In fact he does have a 10 am appointment to get his hair cut - it's with his girfriend who cuts his hair at her apartment and he doe in fact drop the car off - at her brother's body shop. When his wife asks where they are located and says they sound far away (they are in th enext county) he claims he has been going there fo years becuase he used to live in that county. Partly true - he also has a barber and a body shop in our town/county. In fact he used to be co-owner in a body shop and still has a friend from school working there! When he takes a call in another room and comes back and tells her it was his son, she is upset because and questions why he had to go into anothe rroom to talk, especially as he knew she wanted to speak with the son. My brother, who believes a good defense is ht ebest offense, pretends to be angry for her questioning that it was his son and says he has to leave right away because she has upset him by implying that he might have been talking to someone else (which he was! He was confirming the day's activities with th egirlfriend. I wish I didn't have this undesirable knowledge about how guys actually cheat, but I do and it has made me wary about new men I'll be meeting in the future when I start dating again. Here is a final comment about why women stay. Not all do. The latest infidelity scandal involving the ESPN newscaster shows yet again how horrifically selfish cheating is and the terrible trauma and drama it can cause to the spouse, family and the cheater. This "Fatal Attraction" like scenario is an example of a wife who stayed because she believed in her marriage. They gave it another chance which he evidently didn't appreciate, because he brought this terrible situation to their lives 10 years later. She is divocing him. Not only will he lose his wife, his family, his home and probably his job, but he has also caused their privacy and identities to be compromised, including the identities of two of one of his son's classmates. It just nver ceases to amaze me how men, especially high-profile men (and it is mostly men)continue to risk everything for sex. I suppose because so many get wway with it for so long, that they see it as two consenting adults that aren't hurting anyone (as long as no one finds out) I guess. Today's women have more choices, so we don't have to stay with a man who cheats. Do men really care? They seem to think it is O.K. to cheat, no matter what the stakes are. If they have the means, they'll just pay off the wife with money or jewels or a bigger house or whatever.

I know there are many men who do not advocate cheating among thier buddies nor desire to do it themselves because they believe in fidelity as a worthy personal value first and foremost and because they are committed to their relationships and desire and love their partner. It would be great if their were a website or dating service devoted to men and women who believe in and practice living that way. Fr those that might suggest the church as a source - that is not necessarily the best reallly the case. My former guy holds a high position on the church and is highly regarded by all as an exemplary family man, but my co-workers and I know differently.

I'm sure they are out there.