Oh what has become of American Idol season nine?
We’d rather watch the drying of paint or turpentine.

We’ve got much to say, but at our argument’s crux
Is that this season is awful, it just straight up sucks.

Ellen, you’re just so awkward and out of place,
Kind of makes us wish we didn’t have to see your face.

We had high hopes and thought as a judge you’d rule,
But all you’ve done is make us miss crazy Paula Abdul.

Embarrassed to be there at all is you, Simon Cowell,
Your face bears no expression other than that scowl.

Read An Ode to Mariah Carey’s Gold Dress

Kara, you need a break from your daily spray-on tan
You’re now more orange than an Oompa-Loompa man.

Last week’s theme made everything way worse, FYI.
Not much more we can say other but: TMI, TMI, TMI.

We did love to hate the uber cheery Haeley Vaughn,
What will we do now the headband-maker is gone?