Nadya Suleman is showing the first glimmer of common sense since she and her amazing belly-o-rubber splashed onto the national freak-show-scene: She's (finally) accepted an offer of free, 24/7 child-care help from the non-profit organization Angels in Waiting. (And what, pray tell, WHAT were these angels waiting for? Dear Lord, please send us a crazy over-fertilized Angelina Jolie look-alike...)
While we're thrilled for the children's sake that there will be more than one mere mortal woman to look after all those helpless little souls, we can't help but wonder what the interview process might be like as Octomom searches for the perfect Octonanny. Because, yes, Octomom has been holding interviews. And actual people have been applying. We know it's a tough economy, but seriously - the first question put to these women should be ... ARE YOU CRAZY?
Assuming the would-be Octonanny can satisfactorily answer that question, here's a list of suggested follow-ups:
1. Could you line the kids up for the paparazzi?
2. Could you line the kids up so I am in the picture with my best side always facing the cameras?
3. Please describe your feelings about, say, being a reality TV star:
4. Would you be willing to don an Octonanny cape and go to battle with Super Nanny on Celebrity Death Match?
5. Have you ever watched the show Eight is Enough? Do you think the title is discriminatory? Explain....
6. Scenario #1: 2 children are fighting over a toy, 1 needs help with math homework, 3 are attempting to use the waffle maker, 4 babies are teething and crying, 2 babies need their diapers changed, 1 baby is about to crawl out the door, 1 baby is sleeping. Do you:
a) Run screaming down the street never to be seen again.
b) Call the triage unit from ER and hope George Clooney shows up.
c) Call Dr. Phil.
7. Scenario #2: 3 children are fighting over a toy, 2 need help with math homework, 1 is attempting to use the waffle maker, 3 babies are teething and crying, 4 babies need their diapers changed, 1 baby is about to crawl out the door, 0 babies are sleeping. Rinse and repeat. Do you:
a) Run screaming down the street never to be seen again.
b) Call the triage unit from ER and hope George Clooney shows up.
c) Call Dr. Phil.
8. Will you be able to dole out my meds as well during the care of my children?
9. Are you comfortable injecting lip filler while diapering?
And finally ... the MOST important question:
10. Team Jolie or Team Aniston?
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