Mean Betty was just delighted to hear that Kourtney Kardashian gave birth on Monday to a healthy baby boy. But Mean Betty is a little concerned … after hearing recently that Kourtney, according to her big sister Kim, was looking forward to waiting five years before she had to cook for her baby because she’d be BREASTFEEDING HIM THAT WHOLE TIME … well, let’s just say Mean Betty feels Kourtney might need a few little parenting tips. Because Mean Betty is kind and generous like that.

Here they are –Mean Betty’s Parenting Tips for Kourtney Kardashian:

1. Of course, just in case Kim merely laughed and called E! instead of filling Kourtney in on this little detail, Mean Betty feels it’s important to make sure Kourtney understands first and foremost this little gem: Babies actually eat food! Amazing, right? Your boobs will only suffice for about six months and then, yes, little Mason Dash Disick dear will start to get very cranky. Luckily they have these amazing miniature jars of food already prepared for you. The miracle of modern motherhood!

2. (Of course Kourtney will realize this soon enough, but Mean Betty feels it best to warn her immediately) That baby weight doesn’t magically disappear when the baby arrives. Such a bummer!

Mean Betty knows – if you go by the photos we are all subjected to of celebrity moms’ “post baby body” miracles, someone as … how do you say … naïve as Kourtney might think that magical slimming occurs naturally. Au contraire darling. You thought you were “over the red carpet being pregnant” – just wait until the first time you step out of the house with your little bundle of joy. The paparazzi and their telephoto lenses will be waiting to document your “post baby” butt. Enjoy!