Isn’t this heartwarming, darlings? In the boring olden days, a woman whose only claim to fame is being the (alleged) last-straw mistress of a philandering “sex addict” ex-hero would have been ashamed and outcast … now she’s going to be a TV star! The American Dream – it just gets better and better, right Rachel Uchitel?

Star magazine is reporting that Rachel Uchitel (aka Golf Ball #1) is going to be a special correspondent for Extra! An “insider” reports: “She’s so excited about it! She was thrilled when they asked her to do it. She would love to get more TV gigs and do this sort of thing. She has a great TV presence and would love to land her own talk show in the future — a la Tyra Banks.”

Rachel could totally be the next Tyra, right guys?! The tiny little difference being that Tyra went the boring old-fashioned route to fame and success – parlaying her beauty into a mogulhood through hard work, talent, and determination … you know, all that pull yourself up by your bootstraps stuff. Rachel, on the other hand, pulled herself up by her thong and her talent for dirty text-messages with a married father of two. Same thing!

Wonder if Gloria Allred helped Rachel negotiate her Extra contract? She’s definitely good at getting Rachel money for keeping her mouth closed – surely she can help her milk this gig for all its worth.

Of course, let’s not forget that Rachel isn’t exactly a trailblazer here. It’s a brave new world, and a few intrepid women have paved the way for Rachel. First, Entertainment Tonight host Melissa Rycroft, who proved that no skill is needed to be a TV host (unless of course you count getting dumped on The Bachelor as a skill). And of course, cheeky little Ashlee Dupree, the prostitute who helped Eliot Spitzer end his pesky political career and now has a gig penning an advice column for the New York Post (and who knows what other stimulating career plans she may have!).

To get the ball rolling on her illustrious television career, Rachel and her sun-spotted cleavage sat down with Mario Lopez for a little chat. Mean Betty’s favorite part is when she says her private high school was just like Gossip Girl. “I was definitely one of the cool mean girls,” she says. Isn’t that lovely? Can’t you just NOT WAIT to see more of this charmer? She also mentions that she’d love to be Carrie Bradshaw but is more of a “homebody” (note to self: look up “homebody” because apparently it doesn’t mean what Mean Betty thought it meant…) and she loves “learning things.” Mean Betty is sure you do, dear.

Well, certainly a bright career ahead for this woman – thanks to Tiger! Mean Betty looks forward to seeing how the rest of Tiger’s stable-o-mistresses fares. Surely, at the very least, there’s a reality show in there somewhere…

xo,

Mean Betty