Dearest kittens, the world of celebrity news and gossip is ever so rich, ever so entertaining, and ever so full of oddness. From Octomom to Jon “Father of the Year” Gosselin to Lindsay Lohan … it really takes a lot to truly surprise Mean Betty. (Celebs – they’re really not just like us!) Even the news that Tiger Woods isn’t the buttoned-up golden boy he appeared to be is only mildly shocking isn’t it, when you really think about it? But this latest tidbit about Jessica Simpson and her supposed new boyfriend has truly, TRULY startled – nay, baffled – Mean Betty.

Why, Mean Betty is almost at a loss for words!

Almost.

Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan. Let’s just ponder that pairing for a moment.

What do you suppose they talk about? Billy’s dark, torturous rage at the unfair world and Jessica’s super cute platform shoes for HSN?

Read Mean Betty on Kate Gosselin's New Career

What do you suppose is a typical conversation between Billy, 42, and Jessica, 29?

Billy: “God is just out my back door, yet I choose not to visit. I would rather sit alone and scheme on how to be remembered, on what more that I can do here to cement the evidence that I once walked these roads with you. It is a futile exercise. I know it is, and yet I persist.”

Jessica: “So, like, does that mean you’re not coming to church with me on Sunday?”

Billy: “Yes.”

Jessica: “My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady!”

Billy: “Did I ever tell you about the deep and torturous time two of my bandmates OD’d on heroin in our hotel room?”

Jessica: “Does my butt look fat in these? No, seriously, does it?”

Billy: “Did I ever tell you about my deep, torturous relationship with Courtney Love?”

Jessica: “Wasn’t she, like, Nirvana’s mom?”

Billy: ?

Jessica: “Wanna go see a Dallas Cowboys football game? I have an extra jersey you can wear!”

Billy: “Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.”

It’s not the right season for April Fool’s jokes, darling pets, but Mean Betty just can’t believe this isn’t a bizarre prank. On the other hand, who knows? Maybe Jess has finally found “the one” after all. E! says a “source” reveals that both parties consider themselves “officially dating,” which is practically like being engaged in Hollywood, and other sources report Jessica is “smitten.”

Hmm. Mean Betty thinks there are two possibilities here. Either this is just a strange hoax perpetuated by some (truly) desperate publicists. OR … perhaps the transformative spirit of the holiday season has blessed these opposites and turned them into a pair of lovebird-turtledoves. Fa la la!

xo,

Mean Betty