Ah the Oscars. The glam, the glitz, the … mysteriously awful clothing choices. Isn’t it fun, kittens? Mean Betty would like to thank the following people for keeping Mean Betty awake during the general snooze-fest that was the 82nd Annual Academy Awards.

Read Oscars Hits & Misses

Zoe Saldana

The poor dear looks as if she’s wearing a giant poofy plant from the planet Pandora. Or some sort of alien creature emerging reluctantly from a cocoon. Crotch slits are so Vegas, darling, Givenchy or not. And someone forgot to tell the top of your dress what the bottom half was up to.

Faith Hill

Paging Morticia Addams! Shudder. Faith, you’re much too much of a golden girl to go Goth at this stage in the game. Your alarmingly white teeth betray you. Also, Mean Betty’s Sicilian Great Grandmother called -- she wants her tablecloth back.