Mean Betty has to hand it to Rachel Uchitel. Despite the fact that the Tiger Woods mistress-count is up to 14 (that’s the latest number, right pets? It is a wee bit hard to keep track …), she’s managing to maintain her primacy as Main Mistress #1. Well done!

Read Mean Betty's 10 Questions for Tiger Woods

Oh, sure, Rachel faded into the background for a while there while our collective jaw dropped as more and more class-acts came forward to claim the magnificent honor of sleeping with a married father of two. But Rachel’s no dummy. She let the porn stars and “models” have their day in the sun and now she’s back, informing us all that she’s NOT PREGNANT. Oh – and by the way – she’s not a lesbian either!

How very nice for you dear. But darling, if you really want to stay out of the “firestorm” that is the Tiger Woods scandal, might Mean Betty make a little suggestion? Try not giving interviews to gossip sites like HollywoodLife.com. Amazing little trick! Believe it or not … time will actually tell if you’re preggers or not. Biology is a wondrous thing.

Rachel’s lawyer, Gloria Allred, also took time to speak to HollywoodLife.com and reiterate “Rachel is not pregnant ... Rumors to the contrary are false.”

So, OK everyone? Just stop asking if Rachel Uchitel is carrying Tiger Woods’ love child!

What Mean Betty wants to know is … Whatever happened to that lie-detector test?

But perhaps Rachel has been too busy? After all, Mean Betty read in In Touch that Tiger and Rachel are indeed still a hot item.

Rachel, 34, has recently been spotted out in the ritzy Florida town where Tiger’s luxurious yacht, Privacy, is docked, and reports claim she’s been visiting her parents nearby. “Unfortunately, I’m not commenting on anything,” she told a reporter on December 14 during a trip to the grocery store.

Yes, that is most unfortunate! Isn’t it pets?

But the golf superstar isn’t actually staying on Privacy, the friend reveals — he’s been holed up in another decoy boat nearby. “Rachel’s condo is 500 feet from where Tiger’s boat is docked. He has been visiting her there.” According to the friend, Tiger even secretly flew out to LA on December 4 just so he could spend time with her. “She’s madly in love with him, and she believes that he loves her as well.”

Mean Betty has only one final question:

Why hasn’t Elin filed her divorce papers yet?

Truly darlings, one really does wonder, doesn’t one? How many more reasons does she need? If the poor thing needs some legal help Mean Betty would be only too happy to oblige, as Mean Betty has some legal experience herself (don’t ask, kittens).

In the meantime, just remember: Rachel Uchitel is NOT pregnant!

xo,

Mean Betty

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