ASK REAL GUYS

I Think My Hubby is Cheating

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I am married to a man I love so much, yet I have no confidence in him as there is always something suspicious that arises that makes me believe he is cheating on me. Sometimes I receive messages from his phone addressed to a woman, and when I ask if the messages are for me he says no. When I force the issue further and ask who they are for, he claims to have no knowledge of the messages and says that his phone was once used by someone else. I have found packets of condoms under our bed; he does deal with them at his work so sometimes he brings them back to store in the house. He once alleged that they were for his brother and his brother's girlfriend.

Also, getting back to the messages, I have discovered videos of girls in bed on his phone.

I don't know how to overcome this horrible feeling of thinking that he is cheating. I feel so disrespected at the idea of my husband sleeping with another woman. Why do men do these kinds of things?

Avery: It sounds like you have some very serious trust issues in your marriage and that there's evidence to support your feeling that your husband is cheating.

Since you've confronted your husband about these issues and he seems to deny that anything is going on, you essentially have two choices: You can believe him and ignore the evidence, or you can dig deeper. Just keep in mind that if you dig deeper and you find more disturbing evidence, you should have a clear idea of what your plan will be once you are sure that he is cheating. You don't mention whether you and your husband have children, and if so, how old they are. These are all factors that you need to consider before you make any big decisions.

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#1. Kitty1 on 01/15/2009 - 2:03 pm (EST)

I have a problems of my own going on right now. For the last two months - and i mean literally 2 months-i figure it out but my husband seems "different". He works for the water company-as a laborer-which i know he is busy - have been with him 21 years. I was 18 he was 22. At 20 i had our son-we got married when i was 28-had a daughter-we always got along-even now we still do we do things together as a couple-now that the kids are older-we have more time for each other-but one thing that bothers me and always has is his lack for checking in-has a cell phone-rarely uses it-but when i try to get him sometimes-doesn't answer it-i know to others that sounds like no big deal-but it drives me nuts-i have no proof there is anything going on-he is home every night (minus if there is a main break or a mark out somewhere) he doesn't go out-doesn't go to bars-doesn't really drink, He finally bought me for Christmas the ring i wanted-but is it me that i am so insecure that if he doesn't call me i just assume he would be fooling around? Another thing that bothers me is for years i have wanted him to get a vascectomy-he wouldn't - now he wants one-because he doesn't want me to get pregnant-i understand that but why the sudden change? I had a procedure done to somewhat tie my tubes-called Essure-not very successful - one of the "blockes" a stint-like rod came out-on one side-doctor says i am blocked but i guess hubby doesn't trust it-if there is a guy out there that could put my mind to ease-please do so-I'm not insecure about my looks-i am in great shape, my son's friends actually All LOVE ME-which is bad for my son (he's 19) - my husband quite honestly is out of shape-and just started to exercise again-he's still good looking-is it me? Am i nuts? Am i reading into absolutely nothing? No strange calls coming to my house or his cell phone (i already went through every cell call in outgoing/incoming) that is made-am i just out of whack maybe because i am approaching 40 and afraid something else and taking out on him? He tells me he loves me,i'm his best friend and he thinks i'm off the wall with my accusations-what can i do to put this issue to rest? Please help.

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