I Took My Date to a Show about Marriage

Carrie breaks a dating rule and takes her new boy to see “You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up.” Yikes!

-Carrie Seim

Dating tip #783: Do not take your date to a comedy show about the pitfalls of marriage.

I know this rule. I wrote this rule. And yet, because I like to flirt with danger, I invited him anyway. Mistake!

As the boy and I settled in for a performance of You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up, by actor-writer couple Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn, my palms began to sweat. What was I thinking?

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We were about to spend the next hour watching Annabelle (you probably know her as the longtime host of Dinner and a Movie) and Jeff (who’s appeared on Curb Your Enthusiasm and won an Emmy for his writing on the Ben Stiller Show) dissect the absolute worst parts of their 13-year marriage.

It was like showing a first-time driver a gory driver’s ed filmstrip where everyone involved ends up as bloody road kill.

As the lights dimmed, I held my breath and took a big swig of my Sauvignon Blanc. The opening minutes of the show were a tad cliché, with lots of talk about how much crazy sex they had before marriage in comparison to the amount of sex they have post-baby (ZERO). Come on guys; hasn’t that joke been sent to the old folks home yet? (Plus, my date does not need to be reminded how much sex-drives drop as a result of marriage and babies. Work with me here, please!)

Then Annabelle and Jeff dove into some truthier, funnier bits. Like “The Rehash.”

Jeff explained that in order for Annabelle to be relaxed enough to sleep with him, she needs to give him The Rehash – a blow-by-blow of all the critical events in her day.

My date let out a huge belly laugh at this point.

I nodded in sympathy with Annabelle.

I’d never realized it before – but I have a bad rehash habit myself. I need to recite the day’s highs and lows in order to feel connected and relaxed enough for any sort of affection.