His Sexual Problems Explained

Betty’s Sexpert answers your 5 most common questions about your guy and sex.

-Amber Madison

Few things can disrupt a relationship more than worrying about what’s going on with your guy in the bedroom. And unfortunately, few relationship issues are more difficult to broach. So what’s up with Captain Winkie? Read the following sexual concerns women have about their guys, and what to do about them …

1. Why has he lost interest in sex?

Wondering why your guy is seemingly uninterested in getting it on? Think about all of the things that kill your libido, and go from there. It’s not just women who get too busy, overwhelmed or upset to have sex. It happens to men too. Dr. Joy Davidson, a New York based sex therapist and the author of Fearless Sex says, "Over-scheduled days, frenzies at work, major ordeals like problems with family or money, or events that cause a loss of self esteem” can causes your guy to temporarily lose interest in getting it on. Guys want to feel sexy too, and if your man has recently gained weight or doesn’t feel like you’re affectionate enough towards him, he may not want to have sex because he doesn’t think you still find him sexually desirable.

Another culprit could be performance issues, says psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert: “He may feel like he doesn't fulfill your expectations, and as a result avoids sex.”

No matter what the cause, you can’t go wrong by showing your affection, telling him how sexy you find him, and being supportive when he’s going through tough times.

2. Why is he having trouble getting an erection?

If a guy is losing interest in sex, then it’s likely he’s having problems getting or keeping an erection. All of the problems above that affect a man's libido can also affect his ability to perform. But, “perhaps the most prevalent difficulty is the classic ‘fear of failure,’” says Dr. Joy. “Having a few unexpected problems with erections can lead to persistent worrying about getting or keeping a woody.” Basically, it can become a downward spiral: a guy starts worrying about being able to get hard, so he doesn’t, which makes him worry more, which makes him even less likely to get it up.

Erectile difficulties might also be caused by something physical — either a medication or more serious medical problem. So if your guy’s boner issues seem to have popped up (no pun intended) out of nowhere and don’t seem to be going away, be sure that he makes an appointment with a doctor. To support him emotionally, help him stop stressing by reassuring him not to worry about his penis and reminding him he has other body parts he can use to please you.